Category: Personal Transformation & Lifestyle

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True Beauty

December 31, 2021  (Post #65)

(From Journal #9:  August 2, 2007)

I watched a teaching this morning on 1 Peter 3:  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  

As he talked about the part where women should be more than their outer adornment, I believe the Holy Spirit gave me revelation about myself (and probably most women) on the whole “weight and beauty” thing.  I’ve got some extra pounds I’ve been wanting to lose, and yet haven’t, so I get into self-loathing and speak negative words over myself.  And the truth is, if I did lose them, I still probably wouldn’t be “happy” with myself.  Why is this?  It’s because most of us women are looking for validation of our value, worth, and desirability based on appearance and weight, and from the wrong sources, including our husbands.

While I know it’s not wrong for wives to want our husbands to find us attractive and affirm us, they can never give us what we need, and it’s wrong of us to put that burden on them or anyone else.  If we give anyone other than You the “power” with their words or actions to determine how we see ourselves, that is sin. We’ve made them an idol and given them first place in our lives.  At the root are fear and pride.  Fear that we’re not good enough; fear of rejection, fear of aging, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR.  And it’s so prideful to be self-focused all the time.  

So, what’s the answer?  YOU!  Only You can give us true affirmation of our worth. You created us in Your image. You love and value us so much that You died for us!  These bodies we are so quick to despise and criticize are the Temple where the Holy Spirit dwells in every believer.  Help me Lord to honor You by how I see my body and take care of it.  I want to be in the best shape possible as an act of worship to You, and not from a place of low self-esteem, vanity, and self-absorption.  True beauty comes from the confidence that can only be projected by someone who knows who they are in Christ Jesus.  

There’s always going to be wrinkles, gray hair, weight gain, shrinking stature, etc., with our natural, aging bodies.  It’s the inner man, our spirits, that never grow old. 

(Genesis 1:27):  So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

(Psalm 139:13-14):  For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…

(1 Corinthians 6:19-20):  Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

(2 Timothy: 1:7):  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

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Am I Ever Going to Change?

September 13, 2021  (Post #63)

(From Journal #9:  April 7, 2007)

As I was driving earlier today, I was listening to a teaching on the radio about “am I ever going to change?”  It was good for me to hear it because there are so many things in my life I need to change, but I cannot.  I need You to change me.  I just pulled over to the side of the road and prayed that today would be the day I turn everything over to you.  The preacher said it won’t happen overnight and not to be self-condemning during the process, but trust the Holy Spirit to convict, teach, and lead me to change and it will happen. 

Here are areas I can identify now.  Each one affects the others. I’m trusting You to show me every area in need of change.

Love Walk:  Help me to love others when they aren’t behaving the way “I” want them to.  I cannot control or change others; how could I when obviously I cannot change myself…?

1 Timothy 1:5 The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Control My Tongue:   Too often I still let coarse language out of my mouth.  Too often I am critical of others and of myself.  Controlling my tongue has a direct affect on my love walk too.  

Proverbs 15: 1, 4:  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life… 

Proverbs 10:19:  When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Self Control:  I haven’t been able to lose some extra pounds I’ve gained or get into a regular exercise routine.  I usually set unrealistic goals too soon, and when I fail to meet them I get discouraged and give up.  I don’t like exercise, plain and simple.  Help me get to the place where I do enjoy it and am willing to do it.  There are disabled people who would give anything to be able to exercise.  Forgive me, Lord.

Galatians 5:16-17:  So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

Galatians 5:22-23:  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

Productivity:  Too often I just can’t seem to get going and tackle things that need to get done, and then I get down on myself.  I want to be more focused and less distracted by wasteful things like TV, computer, etc. By becoming more focused and organized I’ll have more time for Kingdom purposes.

Proverbs 31:17,27:  She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Sleep:  Help me identify the things that impede and interrupt sleep and give them to You.  I know I need more sleep and better sleep in order to be more productive. 

Proverbs 3:24:  When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Psalm 4:8  In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Fear:  I know that fear isn’t from You.  I don’t want the enemy to have an opening to use fear against me in any area:  healing, financial stability, my family’s protection, painting — anything.  I want to give it all to You, and grow in faith and trust.

2 Timothy 1:7:  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Proverbs 1:33:  …but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, and will be secure, without fear of harm.

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Divine Appointments

August 14, 2001 (Post #61)

(From Journal #8: March 8, 2007)

My latest CT scan was on the 5th and praise You for a good report! The lymph nodes shrank again, to below 2 cm. I scan again in three months. The doctor gave me the green light to now have the abdominal hernia repaired.

A couple of days ago I went to Quizno’s for lunch. As I walked inside a woman and her mother walked in before me. The older lady reminded me so much of mother. She was dressed so cute and I complimented her as I stood behind them in line. As we chatted, I heard in my spirit that I was to buy their lunch. There was a line of people and I didn’t say anything. The older lady had a credit card in her hand. You told me again to buy their lunch, so I told her that I wanted to bless them and treat them to lunch. It was a total God-appointment!

We sat together to eat and Linda, the daughter, had recently lost her husband to cancer and was in fear of finances, health, etc., She admitted mumbling to herself about having no money to even buy their lunch. She was 6 months late on a follow-up mammogram that was actually scheduled for today and she was afraid to go. I shared my story of how You have helped me through my health battle and it seemed to bless her. She said because You reached out to her through me, she would go in new strength. Thank You, Lord.

Turns out the mom, Joan, is an artist too but hasn’t painted in years. And today, I took her to art class with me! I had no idea she was 84 years old. She lost her husband at Christmas and she is so lonely. She’d called me the day before and tentatively accepted the invitation. She needed to try and reschedule a conflicting appointment. She said she’d confirm one way or another either later that night or this morning. I didn’t hear from her and wondered if she’d changed her mind. I didn’t want to pressure her but I kept feeling You prompting me to call her just to be sure she was okay. Lord, she’d lost my number! She said she was dressed, ready to go and sitting there praying I would call. Oh, Jesus, how awesome are You?

She was nervous and scared to get started but once she did, she relaxed and had a good time. It was such a blessing to see this precious lady enjoying art once again. It almost felt like I was doing art with my mom. I bought her art supplies so she can start painting at home too. Thank You for bringing this sweet new friend into my life.

Proverbs 16:9:  A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.

Psalm 37:25:  The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way.

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Make the First Move

October 9, 2020  (Post #52)

(From Journal #6:  June 12, 2006)

Lord, I have so much to thank You for!  My recent CT scan was so good!  The lymph nodes have shrunk to 1/2 the size, my lungs are clear, and no other suspicious places showing!  And, I saw a cardiologist who did a new kind of test on me that shows if there is any soft or hard plaque in my arteries and it was perfect!  So even with high cholesterol numbers, my arteries are clear.  He’s having me wear a monitor for 30 days.  If there’s anything to be discovered, shine Your light on it, Lord.

For several days, I’ve had a thought “pop into my head” that I’m to ask the next door neighbor Libby to go to the Home Show with me.  The woman isn’t that friendly and barely speaks to me, but a week or so ago she caught me outside and did chat a bit; she even asked about my art.  Anyway, I’ve felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me to ask her to do something.  Lord, You know how much I hate doing these things… that’s why You’re after me, huh?  

I confess that I didn’t want to go, but I called her, hoping she’d say no.  But she didn’t.  The only available day of the Home Show for her was Sunday and I didn’t want to spend my Sunday afternoon with her.  I told her I’d call her after church to see if she was still up for it, and she said she’d still like to go.  Well, You sure taught me a lesson.

We made some small talk and I finally asked if she had kids or grandkids.  She began to tell me how she hasn’t spoken to her daughter in 4 years!  She was telling me this as we were leaving the Home Show and I felt You telling me to go to Sonic and keep talking.  I discovered why You had me do this.  We sat in the car with our drinks and she began to open up about her life, her husband’s health, etc.  She’s scared and lonely.  I told her YOU had me call her and that You love her a lot.

I’ve been painfully aware of how these mission trips to far off places aren’t for me. I’ve always admired those willing to go to dangerous places to share the Gospel.  Yet all You did was ask me to go next door and I whined and complained, after church!  It wasn’t China or Africa – it was next door.  Forgive me for my selfish attitude and poor witness. I pray the seed planted in Libby will be watered with Your love and Word.  I trust You will show me how and what to do concerning her in the future.  I am humbled to be used to reach out to her.

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The “Waking” Hour

May 24, 2020 (Post #41)

(From Journal #3:  January 8, 2006)

For the past several nights, like so many times before, You’ve wakened me at 3:00 a.m., inviting me to spend time with You.  I don’t know the significance of this hour, but it seems to be “our time.”  It’s as if You and I are the only two in the world awake, and I have You all to myself.  Even though I am tired, the quiet time is so special and I am not distracted.  Some of the biggest revelations you’ve taught me have been in these early hours. The Creator of the universe loves me and wants to spend time with me.  Forgive me for the times I chose sleep over time in prayer with You.

I am glad I have not drawn back from You during this health battle.  No matter what has come against me, I have not run from You, but to You. That is the victory. Running to Jesus is always a victory!  You are my protector and I thank You.  Without You, fear is an enemy; but with You, fear is cast down and defeated.  I will not fear!

During our time this morning, I read a scripture in Isaiah I’ve read before and highlighted.  In the margins I’d written, “Lord, I want a teachable spirit.”  How true. I do want a teachable spirit.  I confess and repent for all the times I have stubbornly resisted being taught, or for refusing to change.

Isaiah 50:4-5:  The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the Word that sustains the weary.  He wakes me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.  The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.”

Matthew 26:40-41:  Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What?  Could you not watch with Me one hour?  Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

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Waiting Room or Witness Room?

May 17, 2020  (Post #40)

(From Journal #3:  January 7, 2006)

I started treatments again a few days ago, and I’m so grateful that I did not have the allergic reaction this time! When I saw the surgeon, he confirmed I do have a hernia but he does not want to repair it until he’s sure I won’t need to have surgery again for the lymphoma.  I’m believing I won’t. 

Lord, You brought three precious people across my path yesterday in the waiting room!  My heart especially ached for the older little man.  Oh, how You must love him!  I got to lay my hand on his arm and agree with him that he’s okay – healed!  The other man seemed so sad and tired.  Heal his body, Lord.  I shook his hand and told him I’d pray for him.  The lady who was sitting close by, I didn’t get to physically touch, but I pray she could feel Your Holy Spirit reaching out to her and the other two through me, and that Your healing power is working in all of them! 

It’s hard to believe it was one year ago today when I had the body scan that discovered non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Oh, how much has transpired, Lord!  What a journey we’ve been on and are still taking.  You are my healer; You are my everything.  I have learned so much this year and feel so much closer to You.  I’ve certainly not handled everything as I should, but Your grace and mercy have led me, taught me, and matured me.

Proverbs 12:25:  Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

Ephesians 6:18:  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

1 Thessalonians 5:11:  Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

Galatians 6:2:  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

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You Never Know Who’s Watching

April 12, 2020  (Post #35)

(From Journal #3:  October 3, 2005)

Been in Atlanta for several days to attend the wedding of my dear friend’s daughter, which was held in the North Georgia Mountains on Saturday.  On Sunday morning, I left the mountains in time to get back to Atlanta to attend a church I’d been wanting to visit. I was able to make the 12:30 service and it was a great sermon and I’m glad I went, but it was after church that something really special happened. 

Since the church was close to where I used to live, I decided to go to a restaurant in Roswell we used to love.  It was already 2:00 but they served until 3:00, so I decided to have a late lunch.  I sat by the window and two ladies came in and sat in front of me.  One seemed in her 50s and the other elderly, about my mother’s age. (Later I learned she was 87.)  It touched my heart for missing my own sweet mom and I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to buy their lunch, so I told the waitress I wanted to do that.  She told them their lunch was covered. They were grateful and I moved my chair and visited with them, told them where I was from, etc. “Brenda” had adopted “Miss Martha” like a mom.  It was so sweet.  Turns out, Brenda attends the church I just visited.

As I went back to my table and began to leave, the lady sitting behind me spoke up and said, “Texas angel, you guys have made my day.”  “Pam” was from Houston and had moved to Atlanta for a job and was very unhappy because she hadn’t found people to be very friendly.  Her daughter was in grad school in Dallas and told her she needed to move to Plano, Allen, or McKinney!  I told her I was from McKinney and gave her my contact information so if she came out I would drive her around and show her the area.

She went on and on about how what she’d witnessed was the most uplifting thing she’d seen in a long time.  She’d even thought about visiting the same church service I’d just visited but she thought the restaurant would be closed afterward if she did.  Even the waitress said she felt like crying.  If this woman Pam stays in Atlanta, she now knows Brenda if she goes to church.  If she moves to the Dallas area, she’ll know me.  We’ll see how this plays out.

It was all You, Lord.  I think we had a “divine appointment.”  We never know what a “random act of kindness” can produce.  Lord, we both know I’m no angel! But I pray I produced some good fruit that only comes from You in and through me, not of myself.  I’m blessed and grateful to have had a part in it. 

Matthew 5:16:  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Hebrews 13:16:  But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

1 Corinthians 16:14: Let all that you do be done with love.

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The Gift that Hurts

April 5, 2020  (Post #34)

(From Journal #3:  September 19, 2005)

I recently bought a very pretty necklace with matching earrings.  While they were costume jewelry, they were very nice and expensive and I couldn’t wait to wear them. So, I wore them to church and had several compliments.  But when a wonderful woman named Kay complimented the jewelry, I heard in my spirit, “Give them to her.”  My immediate reaction was, “Excuse me?  I just bought them!  Surely, I misunderstood You?”  

All week, that thought of “Give them to her” kept popping into my head, so I knew it was the Holy Spirit convicting me.  So, yesterday I wrapped them up and took them to church and gave them to her.  I confess my selfishness that I really liked them and wanted to keep them.  But I am so glad I obeyed You.  Because at the moment I did give them to her, I felt my heart change.  I was glad and really wanted her to have them.  I pray they bless her and bring her joy.

Thank You for blessing me by showing me how to give something I really wanted to keep.  I’m good at giving things I no longer need or want – but giving something new that I wanted to keep stretched me.  You’ve shown me that “painless” giving from abundance, or giving something not really valuable to me is different from sacrificial giving. Both can be a blessing to the receiver.  But if we learn to truly give from the heart, especially when it hurts, we’ll be blessed and never have a “heart” problem giving from abundance.  It may have been a test, Lord?  I think I passed!?!  

The full moon has been incredible the past two nights; Your light shines always.  Thank You so much for shining on me and working on my selfish heart.

Luke 21:1-4:  As Jesus looked up, He saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” He said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

1 Chronicles 21:24:  Then King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will surely buy it for the full price, for I will not take what is yours for the LORD, nor offer burnt offerings with that which costs me nothing.”

Genesis 4:2-5:  …Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering He did not look with favor…

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Releasing My Artist Self

March 15, 2020   (Post #31)

(From Journal #3:  September 12, 2005)

There’s nothing like cancer to make one reassess our lives about whether we’re fulfilling God’s plan for us?  I know He wants me to paint. I found a wonderful art institute in the town square and began a “beginner’s” art class last week since I’ve not painted in years.  There, I learned about another class I’m joining in a couple of days (that actually started last week) called The Artists’ Way.  I actually already had the book because someone once-upon-a-time had recommended it but I’d never done anything with it.  Isn’t that so like me and so much of my problem?  So many good intentions and desires, but nothing accomplished?

It asks you to do “Morning Pages” which is easy for me because I already journal.The Artists’ Way appears to be a bit like a “12-step AA” program for struggling artists.  That is clearly me; I never have been able to really call myself an artist.  I’ve allowed fear and insecurity to hold me back and make me think I can’t do it, and not qualified or worthy to say, “I am an artist.”  My mind is often my worst foe.  I get off track of what God wants me to do.  I get so overwhelmed by day-to-day “junk” that I never get around to painting.  I feel like a mouse on a wheel; my legs are spinning and I’m working hard but I never get anywhere…

I want and need to feel like I do something that matters. I want to have passion and excitement about my days.  I want to paint beautiful pictures without fear of rejection, without fear of perfection, without fear of any kind.  You have given me part of Your artistic love, but I haven’t fulfilled Your plan.  I want to and choose to!  I believe this class will help me.  I hope to bring You joy by “getting it” and finally allowing You to create beautiful works through my hands on canvas or however You choose.

It’s for Your pleasure, and if others appreciate it, that’s great.  But it’s not for the praises of man I need to pursue.  It’s You I want to bring pleasure and joy to, You! Am I Your canvas, Lord?  If I am to fulfill my purpose and plan I must surrender to You, listen to You, and allow You to show me the way.

Exodus 35:31-32:  …and He has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, in cutting jewels for setting, in carving wood, and to work in all manner of artistic workmanship.

Ephesians 2:10:  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Proverbs 22:29:  Do you see a man who excels in his work?  He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.

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Prison Break

March 1, 2020   (Post #29)

(From Journal #2:  September 5, 2005)

This mystery pain in my right side continues to bother me?  The doctor ordered x-rays and an ultrasound and things were negative, so I’m very grateful.  I will continue to pray and stand on Your Word which gives me strength.

I’ve been studying the book of Acts lately.  When Paul and Silas were thrown into prison, they prayed and sang hymns to God, which ushered in a miracle!  Even though their circumstances were bad, they continued to stay focused on the Lord.  The other prisoners were listening.  We witness to others when we don’t lose faith in times of crisis and hardship.

Acts 16:26 says, “Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed.”

Wow!  There is so much in this.  First, I see that more than one foundation was shaken before the prison doors opened.  This shows me there can be more than one issue holding us prisoner in our lives and keeping us from freedom.  But God suddenly shakes us and breaks those foundations so that we can be free from the bondage we’re in!  Praise God!

All at once the prison doors flew open and everybody’s chains came loose.  When I am free, the chains of those around me come loose too because I do affect others by both my bondage and my freedom!  It’s not all about me…

Acts 16:27-34:  And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.”  Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”  So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”  Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house.  And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes.  And immediately he and all his family were baptized. Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.