August 21, 2023:  (Post # 69)

There’s nothing like losing a loved one to make you cherish and appreciate time.

If you think about it, time is our most valuable resource, and yet we have no idea how much of it we have.  We all tend to think we have a bountiful supply of time to do things later.  Sometimes, later doesn’t come.

I don’t have any regrets about the time I spent with John; but I do have regrets about the times I could have and didn’t.  If I could turn back time, I’d have watched some Pirates’ baseball games with him, or the Steelers, or some golf tournaments.  Even if I wasn’t particularly interested, I could’ve just been in the room with him to share my time and for us to be together.  Now, it’s too late.

It’s actually amazing at how much we all waste this valuable gift of time.  We burn our time on so many things that have no eternal or lasting value.  We waste so much of this gift obsessing about work, hobbies, sports, internet, video games, social media, etc., etc.  So often, even when we’re with our loved ones, they don’t have our attention…our phones do.

Now, when family or friends come to visit, I realize these are cherished moments.  And when they leave, I try to always remember to thank them for “the gift of their time.”  There are many things they could have done with their time, but they chose to gift it to me.  I never want to take time for granted again and I want to be a better steward of however much time the Lord will grant to me on this earth to gift to those I love, and to do His will.

Psalm 90:12:  Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Proverbs 27:1-Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring.

James 4:14 …yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.

Ephesians 5:16…. making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Post #68:  July 23, 2023

I heard this in church recently and it completely aligned with a revelation the Lord gave me a few years ago:  “Love without truth is deception.  Truth without love is destruction.”

The Lord gave me a visual about a person standing and holding a suitcase in each hand.  One suitcase was full of Love and the other full of Truth.  

What He showed me is that if we only tell people about the love of God, but omit the judgment of God, we are basically “loving” people into hell.  Yes, God is love; but true salvation requires repentance, a turning away from sin.  There has been such a “hyper-grace” message preached that people have no reverential fear of the Lord.  Sin isn’t really even talked about. They don’t feel the conviction or need to turn from their sin.  They “feel good” about living however they want.  They may do good works by man’s standards, but don’t live by God’s standards.  They have a false sense of salvation and therefore no fear of God’s coming judgment. It is never our works that save us, but our born-again spirit is a new creation in Christ Jesus.  Yes, we still sin in our flesh, but can no longer sin without our conscience being convicted by the Holy Spirit. 

Conversely, if we only tell people Truth without Love, then we come across legalistic, harsh and mean.  People feel condemned, shamed, and unworthy.  They run from God in fear rather than drawn to His love because they feel they can never “earn” salvation because of their past.  And salvation is NEVER earned! None of us can change on our own.  It is the power of the Holy Spirit in us that allows us to change and turn from our sinful nature. Truth without Love makes us Pharisees and chases people away from God and from receiving eternal salvation.

To share the gospel effectively, we must balance our suitcases of Love and Truth.

Ephesians 4:15:  “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ.”

John 14:23:  Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves Me will obey My teaching.  My Father will love them, and We will come to them and make Our home with them.”

May 21, 2023

It’s been well over a year since I have posted on this blog, but thank God, I am returning! The last few years, the last 3 in particular, have been extremely hard. My husband died in March 2022 after several years of illness. The stress and exhaustion of caretaking, loss, grief, and trying to rebuild my life stymied my energy and motivation to write. BUT GOD… He has loved me and carried me through some of the hardest times of my life and once again is inspiring me to share our story. It’s only fitting that the next “wisdom” from my journals is about realizing that He’s still at work in us and for us, even when we think things are dead, there’s still life underground! As I move forward with this blog, I plan to change things a bit. I will share current insights the Lord gives me, and then continue to share my journey of hope in chronological order. For those of you who have followed me, thank you for your patience.

Pearl

POST #67: (From Journal #10:  October 4, 2007)

There’s Life Underground!

I opened Your Word to Isaiah this morning.  Right off the bat, scripture was jumping out at me.  You are always there directing my path.  My ears will hear.  May my heart and mind always listen and choose what You are showing me.

Isaiah was talking of all the good things You replace for bad things in our lives:  “instead of briers, the myrtle will grow.”  Figuratively I get it, and literally I get it.  I see all the crepe myrtles that keep springing up in my yard.  May I see them all with fresh eyes – You replacing the briers in my life!  I remember last year after my ER visit in Atlanta while visiting Pam, coming home and working in the yard as an act of faith.  I dug up several “rogue” myrtles and replanted them.  

One in particular was so big and yet it seemed to die.  It was just a stick for so long.  I considered pulling it up because I assumed it was dead.  But then, after such a long time, I saw the tiniest bit of growth!  Now it’s growing well.  I got the lesson about how we don’t see things happening in our lives, yet “under the soil” You are growing the seeds that we’ve planted.  Now Lord, every time I see all these crepe myrtles spring up, I’ll know You are replacing briers!

This encourages me not to give up on the dreams and the callings I have felt you have for my life.  Just because in the natural it seems nothing is happening and the dreams have died, You are still at work!  There is life underground that I can’t see.  I just need to trust You, listen to Your directions, and watch for that little life to start pushing up out of the ground!

Isaiah 55:13:  Instead of the thorn bush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.  This will be for the LORD’S renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.

Isaiah 30:21:  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

January 9, 2022  (Post #66)

(From Journal #10:  September 7, 2007)

Lord, last night you saved my life!  I know an angel was with me.  When I changed the light bulb in the library lamp which is set on a timer, the thing literally blew up on me!  My hand was inside the shade screwing in the bulb and the lamp exploded, began sparking, smoking, and spewing!  I’ve never seen anything like it!  

I jerked the cord out of the wall and it continued for several minutes.  The smell was awful.  I could have been electrocuted but I DIDN’T EVEN GET A BURN!  Oh, Jesus, thank You!  If You were not protecting “our tent” the house could’ve burned down with this lamp being on a timer and defective.  Not only was I not burned, I didn’t even get a surge of electricity!  Before when I’ve changed bulbs, I’ve sometimes gotten a shock if my hand got too close to the base.  Unplugging lamps before changing bulbs will become a must.

I set it outside in the driveway because I wasn’t sure how long it was dangerous and then prayed over the other lamps inside on timers.  Prayers of protection are powerful. Psalm 91 is real!  The enemy is always out to destroy us, so we can never let down our guard and become lax in praying for Your divine protection.

Psalm 91:9-12:  If you make the Most High your dwelling– even the LORD, Who is my refuge–then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 

1 Peter 5:8:  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

December 31, 2021  (Post #65)

(From Journal #9:  August 2, 2007)

I watched a teaching this morning on 1 Peter 3:  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  

As he talked about the part where women should be more than their outer adornment, I believe the Holy Spirit gave me revelation about myself (and probably most women) on the whole “weight and beauty” thing.  I’ve got some extra pounds I’ve been wanting to lose, and yet haven’t, so I get into self-loathing and speak negative words over myself.  And the truth is, if I did lose them, I still probably wouldn’t be “happy” with myself.  Why is this?  It’s because most of us women are looking for validation of our value, worth, and desirability based on appearance and weight, and from the wrong sources, including our husbands.

While I know it’s not wrong for wives to want our husbands to find us attractive and affirm us, they can never give us what we need, and it’s wrong of us to put that burden on them or anyone else.  If we give anyone other than You the “power” with their words or actions to determine how we see ourselves, that is sin. We’ve made them an idol and given them first place in our lives.  At the root are fear and pride.  Fear that we’re not good enough; fear of rejection, fear of aging, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR.  And it’s so prideful to be self-focused all the time.  

So, what’s the answer?  YOU!  Only You can give us true affirmation of our worth. You created us in Your image. You love and value us so much that You died for us!  These bodies we are so quick to despise and criticize are the Temple where the Holy Spirit dwells in every believer.  Help me Lord to honor You by how I see my body and take care of it.  I want to be in the best shape possible as an act of worship to You, and not from a place of low self-esteem, vanity, and self-absorption.  True beauty comes from the confidence that can only be projected by someone who knows who they are in Christ Jesus.  

There’s always going to be wrinkles, gray hair, weight gain, shrinking stature, etc., with our natural, aging bodies.  It’s the inner man, our spirits, that never grow old. 

(Genesis 1:27):  So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

(Psalm 139:13-14):  For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…

(1 Corinthians 6:19-20):  Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

(2 Timothy: 1:7):  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

October 2, 2021  (Post #64)

(From Journal #9:  May 1, 2007)

Finally had the hernia surgery a couple of days ago.  The doctor had blocked off 45 minutes, but it turned out to be 3 hours!  You exposed the darkness again; there were two more hernias behind this one.  Instead of 4 incisions, I have 20!  The pain afterward was excruciating.  They gave me 4 or 5 narcotics and nothing helped.  Finally they gave me some super anti-inflammatory and it stopped the pain, praise! Thank You for seeing me through it.

I’ve been recovering and resting on the couch in the sitting room.  Yesterday, I kept seeing a male and female redbird going in/out of the butterfly bush by the window.  Right there in the bush, not four feet off the ground, is a nest with three babies!  Their mouths were wide open and hungry.  Both the male and female took turns feeding them all day.  Oh Lord, what a beautiful gift!  I just love them.

Today, I’ve spent the past two hours just watching in awe. One of them left the nest and made his way far on the other side of the next bush.  He’s a feisty little guy.  When he first left the nest, I could see was scared and wobbly.  His mother kept flying in to feed the other two still in the nest, but he would not be ignored.  He followed his mother to the next bush and kept chirping at her!  (…forceful men lay hold of it…)  He must be the “Peter” of the three.  The other two watched him.  One seemed interested in getting out and the other kept huddling down in the comfort and security of the nest.  Lord, what a spectacular thing to behold.  How amazing are the works of Your hands?  Thank you for giving me a front row seat to witness this while I recover.

We’re not so different from the birds, are we?  We’re often too afraid to step out in faith and leave the secure nest.  The father and mother kept circling the bush.  They kept their eyes on him, but allowed him to venture out and try his wings.  They didn’t abandon him, but allowed him to grow and to experience life.  You do the same with us.  You ask us to step out in faith, but You keep Your protective eyes on us as we wobble along the journey and strengthen our legs.  We are not alone.  What a lesson, Lord!

I left the room for a while and when I returned I saw how far Peter had traveled.  I hope he and the others continue to call these bushes home and will visit often.  He’s quite a “chirper.” 

Matthew 6:25-26:  ”Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet Your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Psalm 34:15:  The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry.

John 14:18:  I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.

September 13, 2021  (Post #63)

(From Journal #9:  April 7, 2007)

As I was driving earlier today, I was listening to a teaching on the radio about “am I ever going to change?”  It was good for me to hear it because there are so many things in my life I need to change, but I cannot.  I need You to change me.  I just pulled over to the side of the road and prayed that today would be the day I turn everything over to you.  The preacher said it won’t happen overnight and not to be self-condemning during the process, but trust the Holy Spirit to convict, teach, and lead me to change and it will happen. 

Here are areas I can identify now.  Each one affects the others. I’m trusting You to show me every area in need of change.

Love Walk:  Help me to love others when they aren’t behaving the way “I” want them to.  I cannot control or change others; how could I when obviously I cannot change myself…?

1 Timothy 1:5 The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Control My Tongue:   Too often I still let coarse language out of my mouth.  Too often I am critical of others and of myself.  Controlling my tongue has a direct affect on my love walk too.  

Proverbs 15: 1, 4:  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life… 

Proverbs 10:19:  When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Self Control:  I haven’t been able to lose some extra pounds I’ve gained or get into a regular exercise routine.  I usually set unrealistic goals too soon, and when I fail to meet them I get discouraged and give up.  I don’t like exercise, plain and simple.  Help me get to the place where I do enjoy it and am willing to do it.  There are disabled people who would give anything to be able to exercise.  Forgive me, Lord.

Galatians 5:16-17:  So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

Galatians 5:22-23:  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

Productivity:  Too often I just can’t seem to get going and tackle things that need to get done, and then I get down on myself.  I want to be more focused and less distracted by wasteful things like TV, computer, etc. By becoming more focused and organized I’ll have more time for Kingdom purposes.

Proverbs 31:17,27:  She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Sleep:  Help me identify the things that impede and interrupt sleep and give them to You.  I know I need more sleep and better sleep in order to be more productive. 

Proverbs 3:24:  When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Psalm 4:8  In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Fear:  I know that fear isn’t from You.  I don’t want the enemy to have an opening to use fear against me in any area:  healing, financial stability, my family’s protection, painting — anything.  I want to give it all to You, and grow in faith and trust.

2 Timothy 1:7:  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Proverbs 1:33:  …but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, and will be secure, without fear of harm.

August 25, 2021 (Post #62)

(From Journal #9:  April 2, 2007)

I listened to a sermon today that, quite frankly, didn’t fully align with my spirit.  It was about suffering.  Lord, none of us will ever truly understand how much You suffered for our sins, and I cannot begin to express my gratefulness for what You did on the Cross.  Any suffering we experience in this world is not worthy to be measured.

Yet, I’m conflicted about some parts of the message.  I think there’s a difference between suffering for the glory and purposes of the Kingdom vs. suffering at the hands of the enemy or from our own bad choices.  Some people assume everything that happens to us must be Your will.  You are sovereign and in Your sovereignty, You gave us free will.  Honestly, Lord, this seems like a “cop-out” for not accepting responsibility for the consequences of our sin and bad decisions, or for not using the authority Jesus has given to His children to stand against the enemy.  This seems to make it easy to just blame You for everything, which doesn’t require much faith, fight or personal accountability.  This is how I see the “categories” of suffering and if I’m wrong, please help me to discern the error of my thinking.

Kingdom Suffering:  You told us that in this world we will have trials, tribulation and persecution.  We live in a fallen world full of evil and the people of God are a target.  Christians all over the world are persecuted, even to death.  Just by living out our faith and standing for Jesus, suffering does happen.  It doesn’t mean we did anything wrong.  We glorify You by how we walk through adversity standing on Your Word. 

Matthew 5:10-11:  “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

John 15:20   “…..If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you…”

2 Timothy 3:12:  Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.

Demonic Suffering:  You tell us in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy” the people of God and we can suffer terribly if we are not aware of his attacks and fight against him.  He attacks us with fear, sickness, anxiety, deception, and danger. This is why You tell us to put on the Armor of God, be alert, and to stand against this kind of suffering.  You are always there to help us, but You told us to resist, stand, and fight.  I don’t think You “gave” me cancer.  Sickness is part of this fallen world. With every stripe You bore, You healed us. I didn’t knowingly do anything that could cause non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  It’s the enemy whose plan is to kill us.  But You take the things the enemy means for harm and use it for good.  As I fight this disease, my prayer is that I glorify You in the battle, and that I’m a good witness of Your healing, grace, mercy, and faithfulness.

1 Peter 5:8:  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Ephesians 6::11-12:  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

James 4:7:  Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

People-Induced Suffering:  So much suffering in this world is a direct consequence of sin and bad choices, either made by ourselves, or from others whose decisions impact our lives in devastating ways.  People have addictions and bad habits that cause physical and emotional suffering.  People make sinful decisions that not only destroy their lives but cause suffering to their family and loved ones as well.  It is never Your will for us to sin and make bad choices!  You are merciful and willing to offer forgiveness if we repent, but that doesn’t always mean the consequences go away.  But You are there to walk us through if we seek You with all our heart.  

Galatians 6:7-8:  Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

James 1:5:  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Deuteronomy 30:19:  This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live…

1 John 1:9:  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

August 14, 2001 (Post #61)

(From Journal #8: March 8, 2007)

My latest CT scan was on the 5th and praise You for a good report! The lymph nodes shrank again, to below 2 cm. I scan again in three months. The doctor gave me the green light to now have the abdominal hernia repaired.

A couple of days ago I went to Quizno’s for lunch. As I walked inside a woman and her mother walked in before me. The older lady reminded me so much of mother. She was dressed so cute and I complimented her as I stood behind them in line. As we chatted, I heard in my spirit that I was to buy their lunch. There was a line of people and I didn’t say anything. The older lady had a credit card in her hand. You told me again to buy their lunch, so I told her that I wanted to bless them and treat them to lunch. It was a total God-appointment!

We sat together to eat and Linda, the daughter, had recently lost her husband to cancer and was in fear of finances, health, etc., She admitted mumbling to herself about having no money to even buy their lunch. She was 6 months late on a follow-up mammogram that was actually scheduled for today and she was afraid to go. I shared my story of how You have helped me through my health battle and it seemed to bless her. She said because You reached out to her through me, she would go in new strength. Thank You, Lord.

Turns out the mom, Joan, is an artist too but hasn’t painted in years. And today, I took her to art class with me! I had no idea she was 84 years old. She lost her husband at Christmas and she is so lonely. She’d called me the day before and tentatively accepted the invitation. She needed to try and reschedule a conflicting appointment. She said she’d confirm one way or another either later that night or this morning. I didn’t hear from her and wondered if she’d changed her mind. I didn’t want to pressure her but I kept feeling You prompting me to call her just to be sure she was okay. Lord, she’d lost my number! She said she was dressed, ready to go and sitting there praying I would call. Oh, Jesus, how awesome are You?

She was nervous and scared to get started but once she did, she relaxed and had a good time. It was such a blessing to see this precious lady enjoying art once again. It almost felt like I was doing art with my mom. I bought her art supplies so she can start painting at home too. Thank You for bringing this sweet new friend into my life.

Proverbs 16:9:  A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.

Psalm 37:25:  The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way.

March 3, 2021   (Post #60)

(From Journal #8:  February 27, 2007)

I had a dream last night that in turn called to my remembrance an encounter I had with a snake years ago that is a testament to this dream…

In the dream, it seemed as if John and I were in a hotel room, and someone else was there, but I don’t know/remember who. (I’m thinking a guardian angel?)  Someone was trying to break into the room to kill us!  They had tried to kill us before and I remembered how we’d been kept safe and I was explaining it to this person and told them You would protect us, but we had to fight back and “armor up” but I knew we’d be okay, and we were! “Victory before the battle…”

My encounter with a snake was after I’d just seen the movie “The Passion of the Christ” which was released in 2004.  This happened even before I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma.  The spiritual significance of this encounter has revealed itself many times.  Snakes never announce themselves; they sneak in.  We have to be on watch and deal with them when they expose themselves.

I let the dogs out in the morning and went outside with them.  I was in my PJs and barefoot.  We had a koi pond and I went to check the skimmer.  As I had my hand in the water, I saw from my peripheral vision a snake head in the pond!  One of my bassets was drinking from the pond!  I was afraid the snake would strike my dog.  I jumped up and got long snippers that would reach and clip plants in the pond. I reached and managed to get the snake’s head in those clippers.  IMMEDIATELY, that snake came out of the water and wrapped itself around the shaft of that tool!  Freaked me out.  I was afraid to drop the tool for fear it would strike me or the dogs.

I realized I had to fight.  I began to squeeze those clippers as hard as I could on that serpent’s neck.  The problem was, I had a bad case of tennis elbow.  At that time, it was hard and painful for me to even squeeze a dish cloth. But as painful as it was, I knew I couldn’t let the serpent get away.  I thought of the movie and how Jesus ultimately crushed the serpent.  So I began to pray and kept squeezing that snake that fought me hard.  The Lord gave me strength to keep fighting.  After about 20 minutes or so, the snake finally quit fighting me; I’d killed him.  When I finally let him out of the clippers, I measured him and he was 31 inches long!  To me, that was huge.  This wasn’t just a victory against a natural snake in my pond.  This was a spiritual victory against an enemy that would come to attack my health and other areas of my life over and over.  I must always be on guard, confident that You are my protector.

Genesis 3:1:  Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made….

Psalm 91:13:  You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

2 Corinthians 2:11:   …lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.

1 Peter 5:8:  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Ephesians 6:10-11:  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 

Revelation 20:2:  He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years.