Category: Faith & Spiritual Growth

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Just be the Brush

December 13, 2020   (Post #56)

(From Journal #7:  October 9, 2006)

Lord, as I struggled to “see” what needed to be done on this painting, the Holy Spirit spoke the most powerful and beautiful words into my spirit.  This is what I heard:  “In the spiritual realm, you are My canvas.  In the natural world, you are My brush.  Just be the brush.”  Once I heard that, I realized that I am not responsible for how this painting turns out.  You are the Artist; You just want me to be Your brush.  You showed me that I am a painting, a spiritual canvas You work on.  I’m also a physical brush You use to paint pictures for others.  Every time I got stuck, frustrated and tense, I’d hear You saying, “Just be the brush” and I’d relax, get out of my head, and just paint. We are artists together.

You’ve guided my eyes and my hands and we’ve gotten so much done.  I know it’s Your strength, not mine, that has seen me through.  I was so leery of not only painting glass, but on such a large canvas.  But You pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to trust You alone, and of course, You didn’t let me down.  The confidence You are building in me is great – but it’s not confidence in myself that “I alone” can do anything.  It is confidence in myself that I can do anything You’ve called me to do as long as I rely on You.  I designed my own labels for the wine bottles and even added a cork lying on the table.  Today, I signed it!  We got this done in 9 days!  Glory to You!!!  I’m really pleased at how it turned out, and I named it “A Pearl from the Vine…”

I’ve questioned so many times how could You use me to be a blessing to the Kingdom?  And now, here You are helping me paint a picture to raise money to fight cancer!  May this painting be anointed and bring a huge sum to beat cancer!  AMEN!

Philippians 4:13:  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Ephesians 2:10:  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Colossians 3:23:  And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.

Isaiah 64:8:  But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay and You our potter; and we are the work of Your hand.

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The Path Can Change

December 6, 2020  (Post #55)

(From Journal #7:  October 3, 2006)

Two days ago a friend called and asked me if I had a piece of art I would be willing to donate to be auctioned at an annual cancer fundraiser on October 20th. I immediately knew this was You challenging me to step up and take action.  I told her I didn’t have anything on hand that I felt great about donating but I would do a painting especially for the event.  

When I hung up the phone, I almost panicked. ”What was I thinking???”  There’s such little time to get it done!   And then my prayer literally was “Lord, if You don’t come through for me, I’m toast.”  I need You to show me what to paint and empower me to do it.  Then yesterday morning while taking a walk, You taught me something…

As I was walking home, You had me notice the sidewalk and think of it as walking on the path You have set before me.  But I could only see the path so far.  I could not see the final destination.  I so often want to see the “blueprints” of Your plans, when You have me on a “need-to-know” basis.  As I walked farther, I came to the left turn to get home.  I couldn’t see that turn earlier.  I thought I’d seen your straight path clearly from where I was, but You told me to turn left.  

We get off the path, don’t we Lord?  We get ahead of You and decide what we’re to do based on what we see today and then we don’t always hear Your small still voice saying, “Turn here.”  And I realized that even if I’d not turned left, I could still get back home, but it would take longer and I’d have to walk a different path that wasn’t as easy.  

After our walk, I just started looking through magazines and saw a photo reference of a couple bottles of wine alongside a glass of red wine that really spoke to me.  I’ve never painted anything like this before; glass is hard to paint.  I continued looking at other photos, but kept going back to this one. I felt this was the path I’m to take for this auction.  I wanted to do a large painting, so sketching it out was mathematically challenging to calculate the proportions relative to the size of the canvas.  But I stayed calm and I think I got it, thanks to You.  Today, I want to start laying down some paint and do what I know to do at this point on the path and listen for You to tell me when to change direction.

Isaiah 30:21:  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

Proverbs 3:5-6:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 16:9:  A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.

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Complete the Unfinished

November 17, 2020  (Post #54)

(From Journal #7:  September 18, 2006)

A few weeks ago I met with another surgeon about doing the hernia repair.  He does it by laparoscopy which is much better.  I was supposed to have it done a few days ago. But early in the morning on the day for pre-op lab work, I woke and felt Your Spirit telling me I was outside Your timing?  So I called and canceled trusting You would give me peace on when to reschedule.  I found out why when I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. He said everything was looking good, praise!  He suggested I have another CT scan before the hernia repair.  Thank You for having me wait.  While I wait, I know You are more than able to supernaturally heal this…

We’ve been painting a lot and finished three things.  It felt so good to complete the unfinished.  It was symbolic to me that You leave nothing undone.  It was a “breakthrough” in more than one realm.  I’m tired of “staying stuck” in any area of my life.  I am ready to move into a new level and want all that You have for me.  I am sick of the wilderness.

Then on Sunday, Pastor Rob’s sermon was so good and confirming.  I felt Your Holy Spirit so tangibly and had goosebumps all through the service.  He taught how You are not constrained by our natural time.  Case-in-point:  I received the message from You that no matter how many years I’ve wasted or how many mistakes I’ve made, there is always plenty of time for You to accomplish Your will in my life.  You have a way of making up that time.  Lord, I received that even though I didn’t go to art school and I’m getting a late start, You can catapult me as an artist.  If You desire for me to speak and give my testimony even though I have no platform, You can make it happen.  If You want all these lessons and thoughts written into a book or column, whatever, You’ll show me and make it happen. I just sat there and felt Your love and received that it’s never too late with You. 

I also felt You telling me to take the same faith I have about healing and use it in every area of my life.  It’s the same faith.  The enemy knows he can’t get me to waver where healing is concerned, so he’s attacking me in other areas, which creates stress that has a detrimental effect on my health.  We’re on to him! 

Today I was drawn to Joel 2:25:  “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…”  I appropriate that promise over my life, Lord.

Romans 8:28:   And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

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A Work in Progress

October 24, 2020   (Post #53)

(From Journal #6:  July 25, 2006)

I saw the cardiologist about the heart monitor and results are normal!  Praise You for the good report!  

I had a humbling experience while at the hospital.   While in the waiting room an elderly gentleman on crutches came in.  He seemed very distressed and was muttering to himself.  I looked at him a couple of times and smiled.  I heard him utter “Jesus” and I knew he was praying.  I began to feel I should go and offer to pray with him, but I didn’t want to embarrass him (or was it me?) in front of the people in the room.  I really wanted privacy and hoping for more people to leave.

Before that could happen, an attendant with a wheelchair came for him.  I followed him to the elevator because I couldn’t let him leave without telling him that my spirit felt I was to pray for him.  He said for me do it and I trust that You gave me the right words to pray.  So, I wound up praying in the middle of the hallway, in front of the elevator, in front of many more people than who were in the waiting room…

That precious man needed a touch of love and I pray he felt Your love through me.  Help me to grow in my discernment about others and to know when and how to be encouraging as Your Spirit leads me.  Lord, forgive me for not praying with him immediately when I felt the Holy Spirit leading me.  But You did show me that I can be bold enough to pray whenever, wherever, and with whomever You tell me.

This is still hard for me, just like with recently approaching my neighbor Libby.  I did send her a card letting her know how much I enjoyed our time and that I’m praying for her.  Thank You for the privilege of being Your servant to others.  I am definitely a work in progress.

Luke 6:46:  “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do the things which I say?”

Psalm 40:8:  I desire to do Your will, my God; Your law is within my heart.

James 5:16:  …and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

John 13:34-35:  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

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Make the First Move

October 9, 2020  (Post #52)

(From Journal #6:  June 12, 2006)

Lord, I have so much to thank You for!  My recent CT scan was so good!  The lymph nodes have shrunk to 1/2 the size, my lungs are clear, and no other suspicious places showing!  And, I saw a cardiologist who did a new kind of test on me that shows if there is any soft or hard plaque in my arteries and it was perfect!  So even with high cholesterol numbers, my arteries are clear.  He’s having me wear a monitor for 30 days.  If there’s anything to be discovered, shine Your light on it, Lord.

For several days, I’ve had a thought “pop into my head” that I’m to ask the next door neighbor Libby to go to the Home Show with me.  The woman isn’t that friendly and barely speaks to me, but a week or so ago she caught me outside and did chat a bit; she even asked about my art.  Anyway, I’ve felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me to ask her to do something.  Lord, You know how much I hate doing these things… that’s why You’re after me, huh?  

I confess that I didn’t want to go, but I called her, hoping she’d say no.  But she didn’t.  The only available day of the Home Show for her was Sunday and I didn’t want to spend my Sunday afternoon with her.  I told her I’d call her after church to see if she was still up for it, and she said she’d still like to go.  Well, You sure taught me a lesson.

We made some small talk and I finally asked if she had kids or grandkids.  She began to tell me how she hasn’t spoken to her daughter in 4 years!  She was telling me this as we were leaving the Home Show and I felt You telling me to go to Sonic and keep talking.  I discovered why You had me do this.  We sat in the car with our drinks and she began to open up about her life, her husband’s health, etc.  She’s scared and lonely.  I told her YOU had me call her and that You love her a lot.

I’ve been painfully aware of how these mission trips to far off places aren’t for me. I’ve always admired those willing to go to dangerous places to share the Gospel.  Yet all You did was ask me to go next door and I whined and complained, after church!  It wasn’t China or Africa – it was next door.  Forgive me for my selfish attitude and poor witness. I pray the seed planted in Libby will be watered with Your love and Word.  I trust You will show me how and what to do concerning her in the future.  I am humbled to be used to reach out to her.

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Take a Stand!

September 20, 2020  (Post #50)

(From Journal #5:  April 1, 2006)

A few months ago You taught me about the significance of the order in which we put on the “armor of God.”  Yesterday, You showed me something else in Ephesians 6:13-14:  “Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand.  Stand therefore…  

Standing while “having done all” means waiting in both an offensive and defensive posture.  It’s in this “standing phase” where faith must keep us strong as we often fight fear and unbelief.  Satan always tries to make us doubt during the seasons of standing because he knows we cannot please You without faith. 

I must take up the armor.  It requires action and choice on my part.  It’s an offensive stand of attack by praying and speaking Your Word which is true, alive, active!  Then I go on alert and defensively stand my ground in the Lord no matter how long the wait!

Truth = Belt

Righteousness = Breastplate

Peace = Feet

Faith = Shield

Salvation = Helmet

Word of God = Sword

Prayer/Alertness = Standing!

Ephesians 6:10-18: Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

Hebrews 11:6:   But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.


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Don’t Lose Your Passion

September 13, 2020  (Post #49)

(From Journal #5:  March 28, 2006)

A few days ago on a Christian TV show, a couple of teachers said we should be seeing more of the miraculous today.  I agree with them because You said in John 14:12-14:  “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.”  

This hit home because recently I’ve been attacked by frightening symptoms again regarding my heart.  I am standing on Your Word that I am healed of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and my heart is fine.  But I confess I questioned if my faith is weak or hindered by unbelief as the reason I’ve not seen the miraculous full manifestation of healing?  You’ve been taking me on this study of “Seeing is Believing” so why wasn’t I “seeing” the results?  A couple of days later, You gave me some insight on another Christian TV show.  This pastor’s sermon was “Power follows Passion.”

He taught about how those who had a passion for You and pursued You no matter what, received power in their lives. This bore witness with my spirit on what you showed me before about “forceful men lay hold of it.” He said that when we’re down to nothing, You’re up to something!  He gave examples of people with passion who had seasons of nothing before their breakthroughs (like Joseph).  But they kept their passion for the Lord, and the power came.  This really blessed me.

Another good point he made jumped out at me.  The woman with the issue of blood was the first to receive healing by touching Jesus’ garment.  Everyone else either had hands laid on them, or Jesus spoke a word.  She, because of her passion, kept pursuing Jesus and when she touched him, He felt the power go out of Him to heal her.  I’d never really thought about it, but women were the ones who often had the passion to pursue Jesus.  This woman did; there was the woman who was willing to eat crumbs off the floor, and of course Mary Magdeline.  

I never want to lose passion for You, Lord.  I’ve seen the difference in my life and I don’t want to go back.  No matter how long it takes, I’m not letting go of Your garment.

Luke 8:43-48:  Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped.  And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?”  When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”

Matthew 11:12:  “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”

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Don’t Dig Up Your Seed!

July 19, 2020   (Post #44)

(From Journal #4:  February 28, 2006)

I watched a teaching this morning from Mark 4:26-29 about “The Parable of the Growing Seed” and what it shows us about faith, growing and maturing.  It really caused me to reflect on how many times I’ve sadly “dug up my own seeds” because I didn’t allow the process of “seed-time-harvest” to come to fruition.

There are things I want to accomplish that I believe are seeds You’ve planted in my spirit.  The problem comes during the “time phase” which causes me to wait for the results.  Rather than submit to the process and allow You to teach, mature and prepare me, too often I get tired of waiting and then try to force the “harvest.”  Every time I’ve gotten ahead of Your schedule, it’s been a disaster and makes the wait longer.  

It’s the same in difficult relationships.  We plant seeds of love and forgiveness, but then if “that person” doesn’t change fast enough, or the way we want them to, we try to force the change in them rather than focus on the changes needed in us.  That’s manipulation and it never works either.  Your mercy, love and long-suffering are so much greater than we understand.  How many relationships have failed because we “dug up the seed” rather than wait in faith and allow You to work?  I know I’ve done it, Lord.  Forgive me.  

When we do this, it affects others too.  Genesis 16 is a good example. Look at the mess Sarai (Sarah) caused by pushing Abram (Abraham) not to wait on the Lord’s promise that they would have children, but to father a child for her through her maid Hagar.  To this very day, the birth of Ishmael is the cause of conflict between nations.

Lord, help me surrender by faith every seed planted, trusting and resting in Your timing, that my harvests produce Your crops!

Mary 4:26-29:  And He said, “The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground, and should sleep by night and rise by day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he himself does not know how. For the earth yields crops by itself: first the blade, then the head, after that the full grain in the head. But when the grain ripens, immediately he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”

Psalm 130:5:  I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope.

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The “Waking” Hour

May 24, 2020 (Post #41)

(From Journal #3:  January 8, 2006)

For the past several nights, like so many times before, You’ve wakened me at 3:00 a.m., inviting me to spend time with You.  I don’t know the significance of this hour, but it seems to be “our time.”  It’s as if You and I are the only two in the world awake, and I have You all to myself.  Even though I am tired, the quiet time is so special and I am not distracted.  Some of the biggest revelations you’ve taught me have been in these early hours. The Creator of the universe loves me and wants to spend time with me.  Forgive me for the times I chose sleep over time in prayer with You.

I am glad I have not drawn back from You during this health battle.  No matter what has come against me, I have not run from You, but to You. That is the victory. Running to Jesus is always a victory!  You are my protector and I thank You.  Without You, fear is an enemy; but with You, fear is cast down and defeated.  I will not fear!

During our time this morning, I read a scripture in Isaiah I’ve read before and highlighted.  In the margins I’d written, “Lord, I want a teachable spirit.”  How true. I do want a teachable spirit.  I confess and repent for all the times I have stubbornly resisted being taught, or for refusing to change.

Isaiah 50:4-5:  The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the Word that sustains the weary.  He wakes me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.  The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.”

Matthew 26:40-41:  Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What?  Could you not watch with Me one hour?  Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

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Look it Up!

March 21, 2020    (Post #32)

(From Journal #3:  September 16, 2005)

Benign.  How I’ve wrestled with this word ever since the surgery when I know I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “Don’t worry; it’s benign” and yet the biopsy diagnosed cancer?  The “conflicting reports” have had me confused, but I still chose to trust what I heard and asked You to help me understand.  And then today, You gave me clarity.

I was working on something in the office and all of a sudden in my spirit, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me, “What does benign mean?”  My immediate response was “not cancerous.”  And I heard, “Really?  Look it up!”  In obedience, I got out the dictionary and literally looked it up.  And to my surprise:

  1. of kindly disposition, gracious
  2. showing or expressive of gentleness or kindness
  3. favorable; propitious
  4. clement; beneficial
  5. not malignant

Lord, “not cancerous or malignant” is the fifth definition!  It also means a favorable condition, a good omen, a good outcome!  The angel was telling me that things would turn out favorably and they have and continue to.  There is no conflicting report.  It is benign!  Praise You, Jesus!

Matthew 10:27:  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”

Psalm 5:3:  In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation.