Category: Faith & Spiritual Growth

(Journal #1: January 8, 2005) Post #4

Praise God!  What a difference a day makes! So much You have done in 48 hours!  Two days ago, I got on my knees in my closet and cried out to You to show me what to do, and did You ever!  On Thursday after I prayed, I was just doing some work around the house. You brought to my remembrance a doctor I’d seen once on Life Today with James Robison. He did body scans at a price to make it affordable for people if insurance didn’t cover. I remembered how impressed I was with him and I had written down his name on a sticky note and put it inside my Daytimer. Well, that note was still there. I did a little research and found that Dr. Duncan had been on Life Today almost two years to the day. I called the office just to get some information.  A man answered the phone and I explained that I had seen Dr. Duncan on TV and wanted to get information.  He identified himself as Dr. Duncan!  His assistant had stepped away from her desk and he was walking by when the phone rang and he “just happened to answer.”  I described what had been going on and he got me right in to his office yesterday!  I had a body scan done. There is no calcium in my arteries at all, but he is recommending me to a cardiologist just to be wise.  He did say they always have a radiologist read the scan results to make sure nothing was missed on the initial review.

When I opened my bible this morning my eyes first fell on Daniel 10:12-14: “…Do not be afraid, Daniel.  Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.  But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days…” This shows me how important it is to believe you receive when you pray. But we also have to first set our minds to gain understanding and to humble ourselves. Satan fought for twenty-one days to prevent the angel from appearing.  We may not see immediate results, but that doesn’t mean You did not answer our prayers.  It’s during this “delay” where so many of us give in to doubt, fear, and unbelief.  

Mark 9:24  …”I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #5

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

It’s easy to talk about faith and believe you have it when things are going great. But what is it really?  

Substance:  ultimate reality that underlies all outward manifestations and change; the real physical matter of what a person or thing exists; the choicest or most essential or most vital part of some idea or experience.

Hoped for:  anticipated; awaited, expected; desired; the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Evidence: your basis for belief or disbelief; knowledge on which to base belief; an indication that makes something evident; grounds, proof, obviousness; the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.

So, Lord, Your Word and Your faithfulness are the substance (the vital part) of what I hope for (await), the evidence (proof, grounds) of what I do not see.

Faith requires waiting, doesn’t it, Lord?  You just showed me that in the example of Daniel.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews: 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

(Journal #1: January 17, 2005) Post #8

Today I go for the PET scan.  I fasted yesterday and have been taking communion daily.  I am really understanding how powerful and reverent communion is and what it means to discern and recognize Christ’s body and shed blood.

Fear hit me some yesterday.  But Jesus, when I cried out, You reached out Your hand to keep me from sinking into a pit of fear.  You sent me three redbirds yesterday and I saw another one this morning!  You know how much I love them.  Their beautiful red color stands out among all the other birds.  It reminds me of Your blood, shed for my sins.  Every time I see one it makes me smile.  I feel as though You’re letting me know You are with me.

1 Cor 11:23-31  For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night He was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death  until He comes. Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.  A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.  For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.  That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment.

(Journal #1: January 23, 2005) Post #9

Waited all day Wednesday to hear the results of the PET scan.  There was a 2^nd mass found behind my left kidney. Praise you Lord for revealing another “sneak attack” of the enemy.  No other suspicious places were found!  Praise!  I am so grateful for Dr. Duncan’s wise counsel.

Thursday, January 20^th was my 49^th birthday. I spent the whole day waiting by the phone for Dr. Duncan to call me with a recommendation for an oncologist.  He’d been in meetings but called as promised and gave me the name of a great doctor at Baylor.  He’s going to call him on my behalf.  Thank You for sending this precious man into my life to help me.

My Christmas present from John was a gift certificate to a local spa….the works.  I had put the certificate in the drawer of a kitchen desk. Forgot about it actually with all that’s been going on.  So, the day after my birthday I decided to use it; I certainly needed the relaxation.  As I was lying on the massage table, I was silently praying to You and thanking You for this opportunity to be pampered and to help ease the tension.  And I heard in my spirit,  “Your husband bought this gift certificate and paid for it in full.  All you had to do was take it and receive it.  But you put it in a drawer.  This is just like with the Cross.  I bore your sin and your sickness so you don’t have to.  But so many of you don’t take it and receive it.  It’s there waiting for you, bought and paid for.  But you have to receive it.”  

Isn’t that the truth?  Jesus, You did ALL on the Cross and yet we hold back and refuse to receive.  We blame You for what is missing in our lives and yet You have already done it.  We just haven’t done our part.  We have to take the “Cross Gift Certificate” out of the drawer and receive what You have already paid for!

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

September 27, 2019  (Post #11)

(Journal #1: January 23, 2005 Cont’d) 

Last night when we went to get dinner, every restaurant in Scottsdale was full and had at least an hour’s wait.  Finally we tried a little French restaurant which also was full.  But You blessed us and they provided us a table outside, underneath the most incredibly bright moon!  

For the past several nights I have wakened in the early hours of the morning and prayed while looking at the moon.  I felt God’s Light shining on me every time.  So last night at dinner, I felt You looking down on us and it blessed and comforted me.  Thank You, Lord.

No matter what is coming against me, I know that I am healed and You will use this experience to have me help and encourage others and keep the enemy from stealing, killing and destroying others!  I could sit here and journal all day about Your faithfulness in my life.  I’m going to pray and then go out into this beautiful day and enjoy the works of Your hands.  Then I’m coming back to continue reading and meditating Your Word.

It’s now night and the full moon is right outside our window.  Your light is shining on me.  I will never see the moon the same, Lord.  I will forever see it as the Light of Jesus!  Lord, You always provide light: the sun, the moon, and the stars.  As bright and as beautiful as this moon is, it’s just a speck of Your Glory!

Psalm 8:3-5:  When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that You care for them?

Psalm 136:7-9:  …Who made the great lights, His love endures forever.  The sun to govern the day, His love endures forever.  The moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.

John 1:5:  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

October 10, 2019  (Post #13)

(Journal #1:  February 5, 2005)

Last night I woke at 4:00 a.m. and God gave me a revelation about myself, but it applies to all.  The Holy Spirit asked me what my name meant and I said pearl.

Then He asked, “How are pearls made?”  As I thought about how the ugly oyster shell gets a piece of sand inside, I thought about how God is inside us through the Holy Spirit.  The sand is constantly irritating the oyster – sin is always irritating and causing us grief.  But just as the oyster “quarantines” the invader and begins to cover it with layer after layer of nacre, the Holy Spirit quarantines our old self and begins layering us with Himself.  Over time, the nacre produces a beautiful luminous, iridescent pearl.  Long known as the “Queen of Gems” a natural pearl necklace has been considered a treasure beyond compare.

I felt like God was telling me that all the trials of the past and walking through this health situation are just grains of sand from the enemy to irritate me and even kill me – to make me fall away.  But Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, keeps putting more and more layers of Himself over it all and making a pearl out of me.  And I’m valuable and precious to Him, an original, a one-of-a-kind.  Each of us is a pearl to God!  

Jesus, thank You so much for your precious gift to me in revealing this.  Everything I’ve gone through with You by my side is making me stronger and hopefully Your light will radiate through me as a witness to Your grace, mercy and love.  The outer shell of the oyster is not pretty. But the inside over time becomes lined with mother-of-pearl and is beautiful.  That’s what Jesus does to our hearts.

Ezekiel 36:26:  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Psalm 51:10:  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Matthew 5:8:  “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Matthew 6:21:  “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

October 17, 2019 (Post #14)

(Journal #1:  February 12, 2005)

So much has happened in a week!  I’ve seen an oncologist, surgeon and cardiologist.  My heart is fine, thank You, Lord!  The cardiologist said the enlarged lymph nodes around the kidney most likely caused my adrenal gland to make my heart race.  He actually said it’s a blessing or otherwise the lymphoma would’ve gone undetected.  I’m so grateful to You for exposing this.  On the 10th I went for pre-op tests because surgery is scheduled for the 15th.  Things are happening fast.

I received a call from a prayer-warrior friend who’s been praying for me.  She said as she was praying, she felt You telling her that I know and hear Your voice.  Lord, how that blessed me!  Thank you for those words of comfort and confirmation.  She also felt led to give me this scripture, Ezekiel 12:28:  “Therefore say to them, “This is what the Sovereign Lords says:  None of My words will be delayed any longer; whatsoever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord.”

Lord, how I thank You for Your faithfulness and I will continue to confess Your Word, which is truth.  There aren’t enough words to express the gratitude in my heart that You are with me through all this and have revealed the hidden things.

John 10:3-5:   …”He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out.When He has brought out all His own, He goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice.But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” 

John 10:14:  “I am the Good Shepherd; I know My sheep and My sheep know me.”

2 Thessalonians 3:3:  But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.

Psalm 145:17-19:   The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.

October 30, 2019  (Post #15)

(From Journal #1:  February 15, 2005)

It’s 10:30 p.m., and I’m finally in my hospital room.  Surgery was late and then the hospital was full so I waited for hours in recovery.  The blessing in that is the only room that became vacant was a suite on the top floor.  Thank You, Lord! 

The strangest thing happened and I wanted to journal about it before I go to sleep.  As I was coming out of anesthesia, someone leaned over my right shoulder and whispered to me, “The biopsy is benign.”  I just assumed it was the nice anesthesiologist who was positioned behind me during surgery.  I was so grateful to get a quick word and was just lying there and praising you in my mind.  

When John finally was able to come back and see me, he said the surgeon told him it would take a couple of days before they had the biopsy results?  I was confused and told him that couldn’t be right because someone had already told me the biopsy was benign?  Lord, I know someone told me it’s benign.  If not the anesthesiologist, perhaps an angel???  I am certain of it!  Thank You, Jesus!

I’m so tired and sleepy but I had to get all this written down.  I was up at 5:00 a.m. to spend time with You, Lord.  I read so many comforting scriptures on healing and  prayed them over my body.  And then to hear the whisper in my ear…praise!

Psalm 119:49-50:  Remember Your Word to Your servant, for you have given me hope.  My comfort in my suffering is this:  Your promise preserves my life.”

Psalm 119:116-117:  Sustain me according to Your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.  Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for Your decrees.

Psalm 119:175:  Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written,“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree…)

Isaiah 53:5:  But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.