Category: Challenges & Overcoming

(Journal #1:  January 6, 2005) Post #3

My health is still under attack. The cardiologist’s office just called with some test results that don’t make sense. I’ve never even met the doctor, only seen the P.A. What’s going on, Lord?  I will not give in to fear!  I trust You, Lord, and I know that I am healed by Your stripes. I seek Your wisdom. James 1:5 says that You give wisdom to ALL who ask, but I must believe and not doubt. Sometimes that is hard.  But Lord, I have literally gone into my closet, gotten on my knees and asked you to show me what to do. I have done everything in the natural that I know to do that makes sense. But I have no peace about any of it. No doctor can give me answers, just prescriptions. The more I take the worse I feel.  I just know Lord that this isn’t right. Show me what to do!

When Peter got out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus, he began to sink when he noticed the wind. The other disciples saw Jesus walking on the water and it frightened them. Jesus told them not to fear.  As humans, we are afraid to trust in a miracle because we can’t comprehend it.  Peter was in the midst of his miracle when he began to lose it… fear cost him his miracle and he began to sink!  Fear took his eyes off Jesus.  But when he cried out, “Lord, save me,” Jesus immediately reached out His hand and caught him.  And He said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”  I cannot and will not be in fear about my heart and health. I want to be wise and follow God’s natural laws concerning my health, but I know Jesus loves me, died for me, saved and healed me. I have to keep my eyes on you Lord, and off the wind and the waves.

Psalm 118:17 “ I will not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

Psalm 34:7  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.

Psalm 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God whose Word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

October 1, 2019 (Post #12)

(Journal #1:  January 24, 2005)

The enemy is so predictable.  Yesterday after that great morning of journaling and catching up, here he comes again.  We had a conference dinner to attend.  It was almost time for me to start getting ready when the crown on one of the teeth in the front of my mouth came off!  I was mortified!  Here I am in Scottsdale, getting late in the afternoon, we have this big dinner, and I’m missing a tooth in the front!  In the midst of my drama, my husband smiled and said, “Well dear, you are from Alabama, so no one will think it’s that odd…”  I cracked up laughing, which immediately changed the atmosphere, and the enemy could not steal my joy!

You gave me the wisdom to contact the hotel to see if they have dentists on call as well as doctors.  They didn’t have one on call, but did give me the name of a good dentist only 1/2 mile away.  They graciously took me in immediately and cemented the crown back into place.  I took extra time to make sure I looked nice for that dinner and smiled big all night. Take that devil!

Psalm 17:22:  A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Psalm 37:13:  …but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming.

Psalm 126:2:  Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

Job 8:21  He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.

November 18, 2019  (Post #17)

(From Journal #1:  February 22, 2005)

I didn’t hear from the doctor until yesterday, Monday.  The diagnosis is low-grade lymphoma.  I went to see him at 3:00 and had a bone marrow biopsy done.  It was awful!  But, You saw me through.  I go back Friday.  I stand on the promises of God that my bone marrow is normal!

I confess and repent some discouragement because I know I heard a voice tell me that day in recovery that it was benign?  I hold on to that even though I have been given a diagnosis of lymphoma.  I just read Romans 1-5.  Romans 4:19-22 really spoke to me:  “And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb.  Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.  And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness.”

What does this tell me?  Even though I have had to face the fact of a diagnosis of lymphoma, I must not waver in unbelief.  I must still give glory to God and know that God has the power to do what He promised in His Word.  The diagnosis doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is God’s promise and His faithfulness and His power to heal.  Thank You, Jesus, for getting my eyes back on You alone.  I give you glory, Lord!  God has not left me nor forsaken me and He never will.  That is His promise.   

The moon was full again tonight.  It was one month ago today when we were in Arizona and the moon was so beautiful and comforting.  How appropriate that I saw it again tonight after such a bad day yesterday.

Hebrews 13:5:  ….For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Peter 2:24:  …Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)….

November 24, 2019  (Post #18)

(From Journal #1:  February 26, 2005)

I saw the doctor yesterday and my bone marrow is clear!  Praise You, Lord!  We went over treatment options.  We’re going to do an immunotherapy treatment called Rituxan.  I am so grateful not to do hard chemo and radiation!  I prayed for the doctor to have Solomon-like wisdom and I trust You are working through him.  I will take this treatment in faith.  There isn’t much data since it’s a new concept to take this drug alone, without chemo.  God’s data is perfect and I trust You, Lord.

The most amazing thing happened!  As I’ve been reading Your Word, Matthew 10:27 really spoke to me about the voice I heard whisper in my ear after surgery:  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”  And then, I started thinking about how Jacob wrestled with the angel of God and the angel touched his hip and wrenched it, leaving him with a limp.  As I meditated on Matthew 10:27 and this story of Jacob, I asked You if this pain in my shoulder was a confirmation for me to KNOW that what I heard whispered in my ear was in fact an angel, in spite of the diagnosis I had received?  I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit in my body and then the pain was gone!  Lord, thank You!

I’ve been condemning myself for even telling anyone about what I heard since the diagnosis came back as lymphoma, and that I am a “bad witness” for You.  But You have given this amazing confirmation as to what I heard.  I may not understand, but I still believe the lymph nodes are benign regardless of the diagnosis.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  I believe You and only want Your Name to be glorified as healer.

Hebrews 10:23:  “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 11:1:  “Now faith is the substance of what we hope for, the evidence of what we do not see.”

Isaiah 7:9:  “…If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”

Psalm 119:116:  “Uphold me according to Your Word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope.”

January 10, 2020   (Post #23)

(From Journal #2:  March 30, 2005)

Yesterday I had my 4th and last treatment!  I’m praying for a clean scan in 6 weeks.

Lord, You’ve helped me realize something good I’ve not been doing.  I’m so grateful this instinctively was inside me, because You said in Luke 7:45, “…For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”  I’ve not once said that I “have” cancer.  I’ve stated that I’ve been “diagnosed” with cancer and/or “battling” cancer, but I have not taken ownership of cancer!  It doesn’t belong to me; You nailed it to the Cross!

The more that I meditate on this, the more I see how powerful this is in building our faith in Your Word and not our circumstance.  Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

If we speak words of ownership about sickness, then every time our ears hear those words, we build faith in the sickness, not the healing!  But when I use the terms “diagnosed” or “battling,” my ears hear that this is not acceptable and my faith is strengthened in the fact that sickness must leave!  I’m not allowing it to be part of my identity!

1 Peter 2:24  “…who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.”

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Proverbs 12:14:  “A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth…”

Proverbs 13:3  “He who guards his mouth preserves his life….”

Psalm 141:3  “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.

January 17, 2020  (Post #24)

(From Journal #2:  April 3, 2005)

The time changed tonight, so I’m technically up at 4:30 rather than 3:30. I’ll continue my scripture study on healing.  Give me discernment and revelation, Lord.

As I read about all the times Jesus healed, faith always played a part.  There are only two instances in the Bible where Jesus “marveled” and they both involved faith: great faith and no faith (unbelief).  Unbelief prevented healing. 

Lord, I don’t believe You “give” sickness to anyone.  I don’t think this is Your will for me at all.  We live in a fallen world.  You are the all-powerful Creator, the first-in-command of everything!  In Your complete sovereignty, You gave us free will.  Man blew it, bringing sin and sickness into this world and into all of our lives.  This is why You came, to redeem us from our own mess!  You don’t force us to do the right thing, and You certainly don’t tempt us to do the wrong thing.  If I believed that You wanted me sick, then why would I even go to the doctor?  Wouldn’t I be fighting Your will?  

When I reflect on Peter walking on the water, he said, “Lord, IF it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” What was Jesus supposed to say, “No, it’s NOT Me?”  Jesus said, “Come.”  When Peter began to focus on the storm and not Jesus, he began to sink.  But he didn’t sink like a rock; he kept sinking as the fear and unbelief grew stronger.  He had enough faith to ask, but not enough to receive. Jesus NEVER changed!  Peter is the one who caused the sinking, just like we can sabotage our healing by doubting God and His Word.  We will always have a tug-of-war between faith and fear and unbelief.  Jesus doesn’t move; we waver!  This is why we must know we have victory before the battle! 

When Peter cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out His hand.  Jesus’ will was for Peter to come to Him right through the storm!  But Jesus didn’t force Peter to walk on the water because it was His will. In His sovereignty, Jesus allowed Peter free will to look at and respond to the storm.  What would’ve happened if when he began to sink, rather than cry out to Jesus to save him, he thought, “Well, it must be God’s will for me to sink or I wouldn’t be sinking…” No! No! No!  The wind did not die down until they climbed into the boat.  The battle still had to be fought.  Jesus saved him in the midst of his circumstance. 

Dear Jesus, this was one of the most powerful revelations I’ve ever received!  Thank You so much.  May it flow from You through me to others as You please and direct.  I know that people of great faith don’t always survive.  But I stand on Your Word and fight this battle in faith, trusting You have my hand no matter what.  Let my outcome not be determined by a lack of faith!

Mark 6:5-6:  Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them.  And He marveled because of their unbelief.

Matthew 8:10:  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!