December 31, 2019 (Post #22)

(From Journal #1:  March 22, 2005)

Yesterday I had treatment #3.  The doctor said I’d be scanned again 6 weeks after the 4th treatment.  I’m praying for no more treatments needed! 

I read the book of Joshua and I continue to see the Matthew 11:12  “forceful men lay hold of it” revelation portrayed in the Bible.  When You told Joshua to cross the Jordan River, the river only parted AFTER they stepped into the water.  Action was required before the miracle.

At every battle, You told Joshua, “Today I have given unto you….” BEFORE the battle began.  It was spoken as a “done deal” BUT they still had to fight the battle in faith!  Lord, this is HUGE!  If we believe we have VICTORY BEFORE THE BATTLE, then we fight from faith and not from fear!!!  This is a game-changer for every battle we face in life.

This helps me so much in this battle against non-Hodgkins lymphoma.  I HAVE the victory.  You are with me, but the battle must still be fought.  I just have to fight from faith and not from fear.  Jesus!

Joshua 3:15-16: “…and as those who bore the ark came to the Jordan, and the feet of the priests who bore the ark dipped in the edge of the water (for the Jordan overflows all its banks during the whole time of harvest), that the waters which came down from upstream stood still, and rose in a heap very far away…”

Joshua 6:2-3:   And the Lord said to Joshua:  “See!  I haven given Jericho into your hand, its king, and the mighty men of valor.  You shall march around the city all you men of war; you shall go all around the city once.  This you shall do six days.”

Joshua 8:1:  Now the Lord said to Joshua: “Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed; take all the people of war with you, and arise, go up to Ai.  See, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, his people, his city and his land.”

December 24, 2019 (Post #21)

(From Journal #1:  March 17, 2005)

I had my 2nd infusion a couple of days ago and it went well.  Thank You, Lord.  The biggest issue is lack of sleep.  It seems 3:00 a.m. is the “waking hour.”  As tired as I am, there’s something about the silence in the house in these early hours that helps me “hear” revelations from the Bible.  Matthew 11:12 is really speaking to me:

“From the days of John the Baptist until now:”  This time is Jesus’ life.  John (Elijah to pave the way for the Messiah) was 6 months older than Jesus.  Prophecy had stopped until John the Baptist and Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy!

“The Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing:”  Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven and He was “forcefully advancing” and fulfilling the Father’s will.  He suffered much violence and persecution, but His unwavering commitment to His mission forcefully advanced the Kingdom of Heaven through every obstacle.

“And forceful men lay hold of it:”  I believe the Word is saying “forceful” men will go after and pursue the Kingdom of Heaven, regardless of any persecution or opposition.  We should not be passive in our position or desire to be a part of the advancement of the Kingdom.  Go after the Kingdom.  Pursue the Kingdom.  Stand against the opposition and keep advancing.  I think of the woman with the issue of blood who pushed through the crowd just to touch the hem of His garment.  She did not let anything keep her from Jesus!

I relate this to my healing and fight against cancer.  Jesus paid the price for it. I will fight and stand firm in faith.  My study of Matthew shows action is required on my part:  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”  (Matthew 7:7-8)

Faith is not just something we have, but something we do.  It’s both a noun and a verb!

Mark 5:25-28:  Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.” Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?” But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

December 15, 2019  (Post #20)

(From Journal #1:  March 8, 2005)

I had my first treatment today.  I had a scary allergic reaction early on but they got it under control and the rest of the infusion went well but slowly; it took about 6 hours!  I was so blessed to discover the treatments are once per week for 4 weeks, and not for months!  I’ll be done by the end of March.  

I am trusting and believing You that I will not need further treatments.  I am standing on Mark 16:18….and if they drink deadly poison, it will not harm them at all….  I am trusting this drug will only kill bad cells and leave the good cells alone!

I want to go back and continue to meditate on Matthew 11:12 and my study of Elijah and also Elisha.  I feel there is so much for me to learn.  Give me “ears to hear.”  I love You, Lord.  Thank you for being with me today and always.  Protect me from the evil one as Your Word promises.  I stand in faith that I am healed and no side effects of the treatment will come nigh me or harm me!

Psalm 91:9-11:  If you make the Most High your dwelling, even the LORD, who is my refuge, then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Hebrews 13:5-6  …because God has said,“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?”

Hebrews 4:14-16:  I hold firmly to the faith I profess and boldly approach the throne of grace with confidence so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.

Psalm 27:13-14:  I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

December 6, 2019  (Post #19)

(From Journal #1:  March 6, 2005)

I’ve been reading Matthew, and Matthew 11:12 jumped out at me:  “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”  I am struck by the phrase “forceful men lay hold of it.”  I want to meditate and study this, and pray for revelation about what You want to show me, Lord.

John the Baptist was referred to as Elijah in Matthew 17:11-13.  Malachi 4:5 prophesies “Elijah” will come before the day of the Lord.  This is John the Baptist.  After Malachi, there were no prophets for 400 years.  In order to understand Matthew 11:12, I felt moved to study Elijah in 1 Kings 17. 

Elijah meets a widow who thought she was totally defeated.  She was gathering sticks to make a fire in order to prepare a tiny “last meal” for her son and her, and then to “die.”  He told her not to be afraid, to go home and do as she said, but first make a small cake for him, and then make food for herself and her son.  Elijah told her she would not run out of flour or oil until the Lord sends rain.  She did what Elijah told her and her supplies did not run out for many days.  This is in essence an example of tithing.  If we obey the Lord and put Him first, He will use whatever resources we have, no matter how small it seems to us.  He will magnify and multiply for as long as is needed.

Later the woman’s son became sick and he died, and she blamed Elijah!  But she is the one who had spoken death into their lives.  Elijah took the boy and cried to the Lord three times and the Lord brought him back to life!  Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now by this I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.”

Even though she had already seen and experienced a miracle from God, she did not really trust and believe.  When her son got sick, she did not remember His faithfulness in the past.  Trials come in our lives. We have to remember what the Lord has already done and have faith in Him to do it again. 

November 24, 2019  (Post #18)

(From Journal #1:  February 26, 2005)

I saw the doctor yesterday and my bone marrow is clear!  Praise You, Lord!  We went over treatment options.  We’re going to do an immunotherapy treatment called Rituxan.  I am so grateful not to do hard chemo and radiation!  I prayed for the doctor to have Solomon-like wisdom and I trust You are working through him.  I will take this treatment in faith.  There isn’t much data since it’s a new concept to take this drug alone, without chemo.  God’s data is perfect and I trust You, Lord.

The most amazing thing happened!  As I’ve been reading Your Word, Matthew 10:27 really spoke to me about the voice I heard whisper in my ear after surgery:  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”  And then, I started thinking about how Jacob wrestled with the angel of God and the angel touched his hip and wrenched it, leaving him with a limp.  As I meditated on Matthew 10:27 and this story of Jacob, I asked You if this pain in my shoulder was a confirmation for me to KNOW that what I heard whispered in my ear was in fact an angel, in spite of the diagnosis I had received?  I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit in my body and then the pain was gone!  Lord, thank You!

I’ve been condemning myself for even telling anyone about what I heard since the diagnosis came back as lymphoma, and that I am a “bad witness” for You.  But You have given this amazing confirmation as to what I heard.  I may not understand, but I still believe the lymph nodes are benign regardless of the diagnosis.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  I believe You and only want Your Name to be glorified as healer.

Hebrews 10:23:  “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 11:1:  “Now faith is the substance of what we hope for, the evidence of what we do not see.”

Isaiah 7:9:  “…If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”

Psalm 119:116:  “Uphold me according to Your Word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope.”

November 18, 2019  (Post #17)

(From Journal #1:  February 22, 2005)

I didn’t hear from the doctor until yesterday, Monday.  The diagnosis is low-grade lymphoma.  I went to see him at 3:00 and had a bone marrow biopsy done.  It was awful!  But, You saw me through.  I go back Friday.  I stand on the promises of God that my bone marrow is normal!

I confess and repent some discouragement because I know I heard a voice tell me that day in recovery that it was benign?  I hold on to that even though I have been given a diagnosis of lymphoma.  I just read Romans 1-5.  Romans 4:19-22 really spoke to me:  “And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb.  Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.  And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness.”

What does this tell me?  Even though I have had to face the fact of a diagnosis of lymphoma, I must not waver in unbelief.  I must still give glory to God and know that God has the power to do what He promised in His Word.  The diagnosis doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is God’s promise and His faithfulness and His power to heal.  Thank You, Jesus, for getting my eyes back on You alone.  I give you glory, Lord!  God has not left me nor forsaken me and He never will.  That is His promise.  

The moon was full again tonight.  It was one month ago today when we were in Arizona and the moon was so beautiful and comforting.  How appropriate that I saw it again tonight after such a bad day yesterday.

Hebrews 13:5:  ….For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Peter 2:24:  …Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)….

November 12, 2019  (Post #16)

(From Journal #1:  February 18, 2005)

I got home from the hospital yesterday.  The doctor came by before I left and said he hoped to have the biopsy results by Friday (today) and he’ll call me when he does.

Thursday I woke at 12:30 a.m., and had such an awesome time with You, Lord.  I felt such peace.  I know in my heart I am healed.  My right shoulder has been hurting and I didn’t know if it is because of how they positioned me in surgery?  But as I write this, I sense this pain in my shoulder is where the angel touched me after surgery, to remind me that I did feel and hear him tell me the lymph node is benign.  I believe the shoulder pain will be gone when I hear the next report of the Lord.

I love you Jesus and Father God so much!  Your faithfulness never fails.  As I read Your Word, let fresh revelation sink into my spirit.

Daniel 10:18-19: Then the one who looked like a man touched me again, and I felt my strength returning. “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God.  Peace!  Be encouraged!  Be strong!”

Psalm 91:11 :  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Psalm 34:7:  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,And He delivers them.

October 30, 2019  (Post #15)

(From Journal #1:  February 15, 2005)

It’s 10:30 p.m., and I’m finally in my hospital room.  Surgery was late and then the hospital was full so I waited for hours in recovery.  The blessing in that is the only room that became vacant was a suite on the top floor.  Thank You, Lord! 

The strangest thing happened and I wanted to journal about it before I go to sleep.  As I was coming out of anesthesia, someone leaned over my right shoulder and whispered to me, “The biopsy is benign.”  I just assumed it was the nice anesthesiologist who was positioned behind me during surgery.  I was so grateful to get a quick word and was just lying there and praising you in my mind.  

When John finally was able to come back and see me, he said the surgeon told him it would take a couple of days before they had the biopsy results?  I was confused and told him that couldn’t be right because someone had already told me the biopsy was benign?  Lord, I know someone told me it’s benign.  If not the anesthesiologist, perhaps an angel???  I am certain of it!  Thank You, Jesus!

I’m so tired and sleepy but I had to get all this written down.  I was up at 5:00 a.m. to spend time with You, Lord.  I read so many comforting scriptures on healing and  prayed them over my body.  And then to hear the whisper in my ear…praise!

Psalm 119:49-50:  Remember Your Word to Your servant, for you have given me hope.  My comfort in my suffering is this:  Your promise preserves my life.”

Psalm 119:116-117:  Sustain me according to Your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.  Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for Your decrees.

Psalm 119:175:  Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written,“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree…)

Isaiah 53:5:  But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.

October 17, 2019 (Post #14)

(Journal #1:  February 12, 2005)

So much has happened in a week!  I’ve seen an oncologist, surgeon and cardiologist.  My heart is fine, thank You, Lord!  The cardiologist said the enlarged lymph nodes around the kidney most likely caused my adrenal gland to make my heart race.  He actually said it’s a blessing or otherwise the lymphoma would’ve gone undetected.  I’m so grateful to You for exposing this.  On the 10th I went for pre-op tests because surgery is scheduled for the 15th.  Things are happening fast.

I received a call from a prayer-warrior friend who’s been praying for me.  She said as she was praying, she felt You telling her that I know and hear Your voice.  Lord, how that blessed me!  Thank you for those words of comfort and confirmation.  She also felt led to give me this scripture, Ezekiel 12:28:  “Therefore say to them, “This is what the Sovereign Lords says:  None of My words will be delayed any longer; whatsoever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord.”

Lord, how I thank You for Your faithfulness and I will continue to confess Your Word, which is truth.  There aren’t enough words to express the gratitude in my heart that You are with me through all this and have revealed the hidden things.

John 10:3-5:   …”He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out.When He has brought out all His own, He goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice.But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” 

John 10:14:  “I am the Good Shepherd; I know My sheep and My sheep know me.”

2 Thessalonians 3:3:  But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.

Psalm 145:17-19:   The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.

October 10, 2019  (Post #13)

(Journal #1:  February 5, 2005)

Last night I woke at 4:00 a.m. and God gave me a revelation about myself, but it applies to all.  The Holy Spirit asked me what my name meant and I said pearl.

Then He asked, “How are pearls made?”  As I thought about how the ugly oyster shell gets a piece of sand inside, I thought about how God is inside us through the Holy Spirit.  The sand is constantly irritating the oyster – sin is always irritating and causing us grief.  But just as the oyster “quarantines” the invader and begins to cover it with layer after layer of nacre, the Holy Spirit quarantines our old self and begins layering us with Himself.  Over time, the nacre produces a beautiful luminous, iridescent pearl.  Long known as the “Queen of Gems” a natural pearl necklace has been considered a treasure beyond compare.

I felt like God was telling me that all the trials of the past and walking through this health situation are just grains of sand from the enemy to irritate me and even kill me – to make me fall away.  But Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, keeps putting more and more layers of Himself over it all and making a pearl out of me.  And I’m valuable and precious to Him, an original, a one-of-a-kind.  Each of us is a pearl to God!  

Jesus, thank You so much for your precious gift to me in revealing this.  Everything I’ve gone through with You by my side is making me stronger and hopefully Your light will radiate through me as a witness to Your grace, mercy and love.  The outer shell of the oyster is not pretty. But the inside over time becomes lined with mother-of-pearl and is beautiful.  That’s what Jesus does to our hearts.

Ezekiel 36:26:  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Psalm 51:10:  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Matthew 5:8:  “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Matthew 6:21:  “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”