Don’t Fuel the Unbelief

September 27, 2020  (Post #51)

(From Journal #5:  April 20, 2006)

I watched a great teaching yesterday and the woman said something that hit me right between the eyes:  “Fear is an emotional response to unbelief.”  

Unbelief is actually a spiritual thing that produces a physical, natural response:  fear!  When fear attacks, I pray You will help me check myself, and let You show me any areas of unbelief.  For instance, this thing about my heart having some weird symptoms has caused fear.  I know that fear is not of  You.  The enemy uses fear to fuel unbelief.  Wow!  We’re on to him, Lord.

I also see another way that I open myself up for the enemy to attack me with fear.  It’s been several days since I’ve been in my journal.  I have missed You and I know You didn’t go anywhere…  I traveled to see my family and have been busy and distracted.  In other words, I didn’t keep my time in prayer and in the Word as my top priority.  I threw up some hurried verbal prayers, but I have missed my deep written prayers and conversations with you.  They’re a record of our relationship and are priceless.  

Oh Jesus, I cannot live and function without You.  I see what happens to me after about three days and it’s not good.  It affects my temperament and I become impatient with others rather than walking in love.  I catch myself grumbling and complaining rather than having a heart of joy, peace and gratitude.  Forgive me.

You are my rock, my source of everything.  You are faithful when I am not.  I thank You for never leaving me nor forsaking me.

2 Timothy 1:7:  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

1 Peter 5:7-8:  …casting all your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you.  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith…

Psalm 91:1-2:  He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.   I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Seeing is Believing (Part 3)

September 6, 2020  (Post #48)

(From Journal #4:  March 24, 2006)

As I continue to study “seeing is believing” it is striking at how most forgot the miracles they witnessed, even John the Baptist…the one who baptized Jesus! It seems if anyone would never waver, it would be him.  And yet, while imprisoned he sent his disciples to ask Jesus in Matthew 11:3 …“Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?”  Jesus’ response to the disciples was to go back and remind John what he had heard and seen.  In other words, he had witnessed enough to know that Jesus is the Messiah.  This also shows me that all of us can fall into doubt and unbelief if we focus on our problems rather than reflect on what we have seen.  

Jesus rebuked the cities in which most of His miracles had been done because they would not believe what they had seen and repent.  There were those who saw Your miracles and marveled and believed, but it was the religious leaders, the Pharisees and the Sadducees who saw the same things, yet rejected You and asked for more “signs.”  They had “eyes of darkness.”  Jesus said cities that had been destroyed due to their wickedness would have repented in sackcloth and ashes if they had seen Jesus’ miracles!  The people and cities who saw and yet would not believe are without excuse.  That’s true for us today.

In John 4:46-54, a nobleman whose son was dying went to find Jesus and asked him to come heal his son. He wanted to “see” this.  Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your son lives.”  So the man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him, and he went his way.  And as he was now going down, his servants met him and told him, saying, “Your son lives!”  Then he inquired of them the hour when he got better.  And they said to him, “Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.  So the father knew that it was at the same hour in which Jesus said to him, “Your son lives.”  And he himself believed, and his whole household. Just like the centurion, this man “believed without seeing.”

I think of the formula “If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.”  If “seeing is believing” then “believing is seeing.”  IS is a verb of being:  God is I AM, therefore, I AM is God!

Lord, help me hold on to this as I battle non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and life in general which is full of hardships.  Help me to…

  • See and believe in the present
  • Remember what I have seen and believed in the past
  • Believe without seeing in the future.

Seeing is Believing (Part 2)

August 29, 2020   (Post #47)

(From Journal #4:   March 22, 2006)

Lord, there are two accounts in Matthew where You healed the blind, and asked them interesting, yet very different questions?  

To the first men who kept following You and crying out for mercy, You asked in Matthew 9:27-29, …“Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.”  Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”  

And to the second men sitting by the road who kept crying out to you for mercy, even though the crowd warned them to be quiet, You stood still and called them and asked in Matthew 20:32-34, What do you want Me to do for you?” They said to Him, “Lord, that our eyes may be opened.” So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes.  And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.”

These questions seem odd since in both cases the blind men followed, pursued, and shouted out for mercy.  It seems obvious that in both cases they wanted their sight and believed You were able or they wouldn’t have been so persistent.  Yet, You never asked the first men what they wanted, only if they believed You were able? That direct question made them answer what was truly in their hearts and “according to their faith” it was done for them.

The second men clearly believed You were able or they wouldn’t have kept calling out to You in spite of the crowd trying to stop them.  So, why did You ask what they wanted when it seems so clear?  I think it was a lesson for the unbelieving crowd…

These blind men had never been able to “see and believe” a miracle with their natural eyes as did the multitude who kept trying to silence them rather than believe they could be healed and try to help them get to You.  They “believed without seeing” in the natural and “saw and believed” with spiritual eyes of faith!  By asking what they wanted You to do for them, You gave them a choice to ask for what they really wanted and valued. They could have asked for wealth as well as their sight, but they didn’t. They knew if they could see with their natural eyes and follow You, everything else would take care of itself. They knew what was most important.

This is convicting, Lord.  We can deceive ourselves into thinking that just because we follow You, we are full of faith.  Yet in our hearts we don’t always “see and believe.”  We see and hope maybe? 

Matthew 13:16:  But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

Seeing is Believing (Part 1)

August 9, 2020  (Post #46)

(From Journal #4:  March 22, 2006)

Lord, I believe You’ve got a revelation for me to study and document:  “Seeing is Believing.”  I immediately thought of John 20:29:  Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.Jesus clearly said that those who would believe in Him “without seeing” evidence of miracles, etc., were blessed.  Help me to understand and grasp what you want me to “see” from this study.  I’m going to review as much scripture as I can about those who would “see and believe,” those who “saw and yet would not believe” and those who “believed without seeing.”  I’ll just start in Matthew with what Jesus said about our eyes…

“The eye is the lamp of the body. Therefore if your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!”  (Matthew 6:22-23) 

This almost sounds like an oxymoron, Lord.  How can light be darkness?  I think You’re saying that if our spiritual eyes are blinded by evil, then our natural eyes cannot “see” the truth, only deception.  So often the “spiritual leaders” were the ones who were filled with darkness and pride and rejected what they saw.

Jesus marveled at the centurion because he saw with spiritual eyes that Jesus had the authority to heal his servant by just speaking; he didn’t need to see any “proof” with his natural eyes.  Matthew 8:8, 10:  The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof.  But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed.”  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!…”

When Jesus told the paralytic that his sins were forgiven and to pick up his mat and go home, the religious scribes were offended and called Him a blasphemer rather than “seeing” the miracle!  However, the people saw and believed.  Matthew 9:8:  Now when the multitudes saw it, they marveled and glorified God, who had given such power to men.

Lord, how many times have I seen Your faithfulness, and yet later doubted and feared from unbelief?  Seeing should be believing…


January 17, 2020  (Post #24)

(From Journal #2:  April 3, 2005)

The time changed tonight, so I’m technically up at 4:30 rather than 3:30. I’ll continue my scripture study on healing.  Give me discernment and revelation, Lord.

As I read about all the times Jesus healed, faith always played a part.  There are only two instances in the Bible where Jesus “marveled” and they both involved faith: great faith and no faith (unbelief).  Unbelief prevented healing. 

Lord, I don’t believe You “give” sickness to anyone.  I don’t think this is Your will for me at all.  We live in a fallen world.  You are the all-powerful Creator, the first-in-command of everything!  In Your complete sovereignty, You gave us free will.  Man blew it, bringing sin and sickness into this world and into all of our lives.  This is why You came, to redeem us from our own mess!  You don’t force us to do the right thing, and You certainly don’t tempt us to do the wrong thing.  If I believed that You wanted me sick, then why would I even go to the doctor?  Wouldn’t I be fighting Your will?  

When I reflect on Peter walking on the water, he said, “Lord, IF it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” What was Jesus supposed to say, “No, it’s NOT Me?”  Jesus said, “Come.”  When Peter began to focus on the storm and not Jesus, he began to sink.  But he didn’t sink like a rock; he kept sinking as the fear and unbelief grew stronger.  He had enough faith to ask, but not enough to receive. Jesus NEVER changed!  Peter is the one who caused the sinking, just like we can sabotage our healing by doubting God and His Word.  We will always have a tug-of-war between faith and fear and unbelief.  Jesus doesn’t move; we waver!  This is why we must know we have victory before the battle! 

When Peter cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out His hand.  Jesus’ will was for Peter to come to Him right through the storm!  But Jesus didn’t force Peter to walk on the water because it was His will. In His sovereignty, Jesus allowed Peter free will to look at and respond to the storm.  What would’ve happened if when he began to sink, rather than cry out to Jesus to save him, he thought, “Well, it must be God’s will for me to sink or I wouldn’t be sinking…” No! No! No!  The wind did not die down until they climbed into the boat.  The battle still had to be fought.  Jesus saved him in the midst of his circumstance. 

Dear Jesus, this was one of the most powerful revelations I’ve ever received!  Thank You so much.  May it flow from You through me to others as You please and direct.  I know that people of great faith don’t always survive.  But I stand on Your Word and fight this battle in faith, trusting You have my hand no matter what.  Let my outcome not be determined by a lack of faith!

Mark 6:5-6:  Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them.  And He marveled because of their unbelief.

Matthew 8:10:  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!

Don’t Forget to Remember

December 6, 2019  (Post #19)

(From Journal #1:  March 6, 2005)

I’ve been reading Matthew, and Matthew 11:12 jumped out at me:  “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”  I am struck by the phrase “forceful men lay hold of it.”  I want to meditate and study this, and pray for revelation about what You want to show me, Lord.

John the Baptist was referred to as Elijah in Matthew 17:11-13.  Malachi 4:5 prophesies “Elijah” will come before the day of the Lord.  This is John the Baptist.  After Malachi, there were no prophets for 400 years.  In order to understand Matthew 11:12, I felt moved to study Elijah in 1 Kings 17. 

Elijah meets a widow who thought she was totally defeated.  She was gathering sticks to make a fire in order to prepare a tiny “last meal” for her son and her, and then to “die.”  He told her not to be afraid, to go home and do as she said, but first make a small cake for him, and then make food for herself and her son.  Elijah told her she would not run out of flour or oil until the Lord sends rain.  She did what Elijah told her and her supplies did not run out for many days.  This is in essence an example of tithing.  If we obey the Lord and put Him first, He will use whatever resources we have, no matter how small it seems to us.  He will magnify and multiply for as long as is needed.

Later the woman’s son became sick and he died, and she blamed Elijah!  But she is the one who had spoken death into their lives.  Elijah took the boy and cried to the Lord three times and the Lord brought him back to life!  Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now by this I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.

Even though she had already seen and experienced a miracle from God, she did not really trust and believe.  When her son got sick, she did not remember His faithfulness in the past.  Trials come in our lives. We have to remember what the Lord has already done and have faith in Him to do it again. 

Conflicting Reports?

November 18, 2019  (Post #17)

(From Journal #1:  February 22, 2005)

I didn’t hear from the doctor until yesterday, Monday.  The diagnosis is low-grade lymphoma.  I went to see him at 3:00 and had a bone marrow biopsy done.  It was awful!  But, You saw me through.  I go back Friday.  I stand on the promises of God that my bone marrow is normal!

I confess and repent some discouragement because I know I heard a voice tell me that day in recovery that it was benign?  I hold on to that even though I have been given a diagnosis of lymphoma.  I just read Romans 1-5.  Romans 4:19-22 really spoke to me:  “And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb.  Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.  And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness.”

What does this tell me?  Even though I have had to face the fact of a diagnosis of lymphoma, I must not waver in unbelief.  I must still give glory to God and know that God has the power to do what He promised in His Word.  The diagnosis doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is God’s promise and His faithfulness and His power to heal.  Thank You, Jesus, for getting my eyes back on You alone.  I give you glory, Lord!  God has not left me nor forsaken me and He never will.  That is His promise.  

The moon was full again tonight.  It was one month ago today when we were in Arizona and the moon was so beautiful and comforting.  How appropriate that I saw it again tonight after such a bad day yesterday.

Hebrews 13:5:  ….For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Peter 2:24:  …Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)….

The Peter Principle

(Journal #1:  January 6, 2005) Post #3

My health is still under attack. The cardiologist’s office just called with some test results that don’t make sense. I’ve never even met the doctor, only seen the P.A. What’s going on, Lord?  I will not give in to fear!  I trust You, Lord, and I know that I am healed by Your stripes. I seek Your wisdom. James 1:5 says that You give wisdom to ALL who ask, but I must believe and not doubt. Sometimes that is hard.  But Lord, I have literally gone into my closet, gotten on my knees and asked you to show me what to do. I have done everything in the natural that I know to do that makes sense. But I have no peace about any of it. No doctor can give me answers, just prescriptions. The more I take the worse I feel.  I just know Lord that this isn’t right. Show me what to do!

When Peter got out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus, he began to sink when he noticed the wind. The other disciples saw Jesus walking on the water and it frightened them. Jesus told them not to fear.  As humans, we are afraid to trust in a miracle because we can’t comprehend it.  Peter was in the midst of his miracle when he began to lose it… fear cost him his miracle and he began to sink!  Fear took his eyes off Jesus.  But when he cried out, “Lord, save me,” Jesus immediately reached out His hand and caught him.  And He said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”  I cannot and will not be in fear about my heart and health. I want to be wise and follow God’s natural laws concerning my health, but I know Jesus loves me, died for me, saved and healed me. I have to keep my eyes on you Lord, and off the wind and the waves.

Psalm 118:17 “ I will not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

Psalm 34:7  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.

Psalm 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God whose Word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Rebuke the Fear!

(Journal #1:  November 22, 2004) Post #2

The enemy has been trying to put sickness and fear on my body. I will not fear but trust God!  Fear is not from God.  But what is going on with me, Lord?  My heart races for no reason, I’m fatigued all the time, and I’m having night sweats?  The doctors haven’t given me any answers, just prescriptions. They are just treating symptoms without finding the cause.  When all else fails, the diagnosis is stress, but I don’t receive that. Show me what’s going on and what to do?

In Matthew 8:24-27 Jesus and the disciples were in the boat crossing the lake.  WITHOUT WARNING a furious storm came while Jesus was sleeping. The disciples were afraid and woke Jesus, but He said to them, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then He rebuked the winds and the waves and it was completely calm.  I believe Jesus is telling me that Satan strikes without warning, while we’re “asleep.” But rather than fear, rebuke!  Calm will result.

Jesus, as I’ve studied Your Word, I have never seen you refuse to heal any one. You were pleased at the faith of those who would not let anything keep them from getting to You. You marveled at the centurion who had enough faith to ask You to just say the Word and he knew his servant would be healed. Lord, strengthen my faith.

2 Timothy 1:7 

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.