March 21, 2020    (Post #32)

(From Journal #3:  September 16, 2005)

Benign.  How I’ve wrestled with this word ever since the surgery when I know I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “Don’t worry; it’s benign” and yet the biopsy diagnosed cancer?  The “conflicting reports” have had me confused, but I still chose to trust what I heard and asked You to help me understand.  And then today, You gave me clarity.

I was working on something in the office and all of a sudden in my spirit, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me, “What does benign mean?”  My immediate response was “not cancerous.”  And I heard, “Really?  Look it up!”  In obedience, I got out the dictionary and literally looked it up.  And to my surprise:

1. of kindly disposition, gracious
2. showing or expressive of gentleness or kindness
3. favorable; propitious
4. clement; beneficial
5. not malignant

Lord, “not cancerous or malignant” is the fifth definition!  It also means a favorable condition, a good omen, a good outcome!  The angel was telling me that things would turn out favorably and they have and continue to.  There is no conflicting report.  It is benign!  Praise You, Jesus!

Matthew 10:27:  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”

Psalm 5:3:  In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation.

March 15, 2020   (Post #31)

(From Journal #3:  September 12, 2005)

There’s nothing like cancer to make one reassess our lives about whether we’re fulfilling God’s plan for us?  I know He wants me to paint. I found a wonderful art institute in the town square and began a “beginner’s” art class last week since I’ve not painted in years.  There, I learned about another class I’m joining in a couple of days (that actually started last week) called The Artists’ Way.  I actually already had the book because someone once-upon-a-time had recommended it but I’d never done anything with it.  Isn’t that so like me and so much of my problem?  So many good intentions and desires, but nothing accomplished?

It asks you to do “Morning Pages” which is easy for me because I already journal.The Artists’ Way appears to be a bit like a “12-step AA” program for struggling artists.  That is clearly me; I never have been able to really call myself an artist.  I’ve allowed fear and insecurity to hold me back and make me think I can’t do it, and not qualified or worthy to say, “I am an artist.”  My mind is often my worst foe.  I get off track of what God wants me to do.  I get so overwhelmed by day-to-day “junk” that I never get around to painting.  I feel like a mouse on a wheel; my legs are spinning and I’m working hard but I never get anywhere…

I want and need to feel like I do something that matters. I want to have passion and excitement about my days.  I want to paint beautiful pictures without fear of rejection, without fear of perfection, without fear of any kind.  You have given me part of Your artistic love, but I haven’t fulfilled Your plan.  I want to and choose to!  I believe this class will help me.  I hope to bring You joy by “getting it” and finally allowing You to create beautiful works through my hands on canvas or however You choose.

It’s for Your pleasure, and if others appreciate it, that’s great.  But it’s not for the praises of man I need to pursue.  It’s You I want to bring pleasure and joy to, You! Am I Your canvas, Lord?  If I am to fulfill my purpose and plan I must surrender to You, listen to You, and allow You to show me the way.

Exodus 35:31-32:  …and He has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, in cutting jewels for setting, in carving wood, and to work in all manner of artistic workmanship.

Ephesians 2:10:  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Proverbs 22:29:  Do you see a man who excels in his work?  He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.

March 8, 2020 (Post #30)

(From Journal #2:  September 7, 2005)

In Acts 28, Paul made it to the island of Malta.  All on the ship were saved because of him.  He gathered brushwood and as he put it on the fire, a viper driven out by the heat fastened itself to his left hand!  The islanders thought he must have done something to deserve it, that it was a punishment.  The people expected him to swell up and die, but when he didn’t, they changed their minds and thought he was a god. Paul had so much faith (fire) that he didn’t panic or fear the viper.  But Paul shook off the snake and suffered no ill effects! The people then knew Paul was different and that something special was on his life.  He then, through the power of Jesus, healed everyone on the island!  Then Paul did much traveling to get to Rome.  The Lord sent some brothers who invited Paul, Luke and the others to stay with them.  The Bible said that at the sight of these men, Paul thanked God and was encouraged.  Even though Paul had been through so much and seen God’s faithfulness many times, he still needed encouragement and God provided it! 

I see a parallel:  It was raining and cold.  Life can be such.  But when we fight back and build a “fire” in our heart with the Word of God, and keep putting “brushwood” on it by studying/meditating/growing, the vipers in our life will come out of the fire and attack us.  As Christians, the more we grow, the bigger the threat we are and the more the viper (satan, the enemy) wants to attack.  You see, if we don’t apply any heat, the viper remains comfortable and unthreatened.  But when heat (the Word, faith) is applied, he will attack.  And people are watching.  They’ll make assumptions about why things come against us.  They’ll blame God or think we deserve it somehow.  People expect the worst when you say “cancer,” but because of Jesus, I choose to shake off that cancer viper, praise God!  And just like Paul, You’ve encouraged me so many times, especially since the lymphoma diagnosis.  I am healed; I know it.  But during this journey, You have sent people to encourage me with a Word of confirmation You’ve give to them.  You bless me so, Lord!  Thank You so much!

Acts 28:5:  But he shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm.

Acts 28:15:  And from there, when the brethren heard about us, they came to see us…  When Paul saw them, he thanked God and took courage.

March 1, 2020   (Post #29)

(From Journal #2:  September 5, 2005)

This mystery pain in my right side continues to bother me?  The doctor ordered x-rays and an ultrasound and things were negative, so I’m very grateful.  I will continue to pray and stand on Your Word which gives me strength.

I’ve been studying the book of Acts lately.  When Paul and Silas were thrown into prison, they prayed and sang hymns to God, which ushered in a miracle!  Even though their circumstances were bad, they continued to stay focused on the Lord.  The other prisoners were listening.  We witness to others when we don’t lose faith in times of crisis and hardship.

Acts 16:26 says, “Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed.”

Wow!  There is so much in this.  First, I see that more than one foundation was shaken before the prison doors opened.  This shows me there can be more than one issue holding us prisoner in our lives and keeping us from freedom.  But God suddenly shakes us and breaks those foundations so that we can be free from the bondage we’re in!  Praise God!

All at once the prison doors flew open and everybody’s chains came loose.  When I am free, the chains of those around me come loose too because I do affect others by both my bondage and my freedom!  It’s not all about me…

Acts 16:27-34:  And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.”  Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”  So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”  Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house.  And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes.  And immediately he and all his family were baptized. Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.

February 23, 2020   (Post #28)

(From Journal #2:  August 16, 2005)

Yesterday Lord, You gave me such a beautiful sign and revelation. I’ve been having this strange pain in my right side which is concerning.  I got up and walked outside.  The sky had become very dark and ominous and the wind was blowing.  It was very threatening.  I stood in the breezeway and looked at those dark clouds as they hung very low and seemed to envelope my home and me.  They were symbolic of the heaviness I’d been feeling. And then, I saw it!

A rainbow was right in the middle of those black clouds!  It’s You, Lord.  You’re the rainbow, the promise, the covenant, the hope!

I had to be looking to see the rainbow.  Its pastel colors were so delicate they appeared to be overshadowed by the clouds.  However, once I saw it, the colors were bright to me and the clouds became secondary to the Light!  Oh Lord, thank You for reminding me and showing me that You are always there, never leaving, never forsaking.  No matter what comes against me, You are there – the Light, the rainbow, the promise, the peace, the everlasting, ever-present hope.

Genesis 9:13-16:   “I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.  It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”

Ezekiel 1:28:  Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord.

Psalm 105:8:  He remembers His covenant forever, The word which He commanded, for a thousand generations…

February 15, 2020 (Post #27)

(From Journal #2:  August 15, 2005)

Back in May I began to visit another church.  Our regular church added an early service, so I go to one church at 8:00 with John the other at 10:00 by myself.  While I love our church, the pastor and the people, there’s really no teaching on faith or healing.  To be frank, the pastor couldn’t really pray for me in faith that God wants me healed.  There were too many “ifs” in the prayer.  It just sort of negates the value of our faith having any role in what we receive.  That’s not what I read in the Word? I do realize people of great faith don’t always survive, but Jesus clearly mentioned the role of faith in those He healed and those who did not receive healing.

Yesterday, the pastor’s wife at the new church caught me as I was leaving and I told her I can now come regularly.  I explained to her that spiritually the other church wasn’t helping me stand in faith for healing.  She told me she’d written down something the Lord had given her a few days before and now she realized it was meant for me.  She took a piece of paper out of her Bible and when she read it, it astounded me!  Then she said, “Girl, the Lord really loves you.”  Thank you, Jesus!  This is what You told her:

“This is an exercise of faith.  You have to protect your faith from doubt and unbelief.  Words and thoughts are the most powerful weapons for or against your faith.  It means having to separate yourself from doubt and unbelief UNTO thoughts and words of faith in what you read, watch and hear… including the people you associate with.  Be yoked with people of like faith and you’ll witness the manifestation of your desires.  Be yoked with unbelief and you risk the frustration of the postponement, or even unfulfilled desire.  Your faith is precious.  Don’t allow little foxes to steal it.  Everything was made by the God-kind of faith, and it’s a gift from your Father.  It’s a mystery to the world and a treasure for the believer.  Pray for all close-knit relationships and associations to be of faith and agreement, especially where your desires and needs are concerned.  Because “if any two (agree)…it shall be done.” 

Lord, thank You for this Word.  Unbelief is contagious.  I want to protect my faith.

Matthew 18:19: “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.”

John 11:40:  Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe, you would see the glory of God?”

Mark 10:52:  “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Mark 5:34:  And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

February 8, 2020  (Post #26)

(From Journal #2:  August 12, 2005)

The CT scan back on July 8th was great; thank You, Jesus!  The lymph nodes continue to shrink as the Word eats away cancer.  So, I scan again in November.

Things have been busy this summer and I cannot believe I’ve been away from the journal for so long.  I’ve also allowed distractions to interfere with my study of Your Word.  But then You did what all good parents do:  You corrected me! You brought Proverbs 4:20-22 to my spirit and showed me I had not been attending to Your Word, and You were right.  

I know Your Word.  I believe Your Word.  I speak Your Word.  But lately, I haven’t been getting it before my eyes and in my ears enough.  I’ve been neglecting and not prioritizing my personal Bible study and haven’t been listening to the great teachers I like to follow.  I can’t “coast along” on what I know.  I must attend to Your Word to keep learning and for fresh revelation.  Also, I haven’t been “rejoicing in the Lord always.” I’ve been whining and complaining and focusing on the wrong things.  Forgive me, Lord.  Thank You for loving me enough to discipline and correct.

Proverbs 4:20-22: “My son, attend to My words; incline thine ear unto My sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.  For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.”

Hebrews 12:5-6: …“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.”

Proverbs 3:11-12:  My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction;  For whom the Lord loves, He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.

Philippians 4:4:  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again:  Rejoice!

January 23, 2020  (Post #25)

(From Journal #2:   May 3, 2005)

Yesterday I had a follow-up CT scan and the report was great!  Thank You, Lord Jesus!  The lymph nodes are shrinking and there are no other suspicious areas; no more treatment ordered!  My next scan will be the first part of July.

Thank You, Lord, for Your Word and its healing power which is alive, active, and working in me.  I will continue my study of healing.  I feel great and know I am healed!

Hebrews 4:12:  For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 

Matthew 24:35:  Heaven and earth will pass away, but My Words will never pass away.

Isaiah 32:17:  The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.

Jeremiah 17:7:  But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.

January 17, 2020  (Post #24)

(From Journal #2:  April 3, 2005)

The time changed tonight, so I’m technically up at 4:30 rather than 3:30. I’ll continue my scripture study on healing.  Give me discernment and revelation, Lord.

As I read about all the times Jesus healed, faith always played a part.  There are only two instances in the Bible where Jesus “marveled” and they both involved faith: great faith and no faith (unbelief).  Unbelief prevented healing. 

Lord, I don’t believe You “give” sickness to anyone.  I don’t think this is Your will for me at all.  We live in a fallen world.  You are the all-powerful Creator, the first-in-command of everything!  In Your complete sovereignty, You gave us free will.  Man blew it, bringing sin and sickness into this world and into all of our lives.  This is why You came, to redeem us from our own mess!  You don’t force us to do the right thing, and You certainly don’t tempt us to do the wrong thing.  If I believed that You wanted me sick, then why would I even go to the doctor?  Wouldn’t I be fighting Your will?  

When I reflect on Peter walking on the water, he said, “Lord, IF it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” What was Jesus supposed to say, “No, it’s NOT Me?”  Jesus said, “Come.”  When Peter began to focus on the storm and not Jesus, he began to sink.  But he didn’t sink like a rock; he kept sinking as the fear and unbelief grew stronger.  He had enough faith to ask, but not enough to receive. Jesus NEVER changed!  Peter is the one who caused the sinking, just like we can sabotage our healing by doubting God and His Word.  We will always have a tug-of-war between faith and fear and unbelief.  Jesus doesn’t move; we waver!  This is why we must know we have victory before the battle! 

When Peter cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out His hand.  Jesus’ will was for Peter to come to Him right through the storm!  But Jesus didn’t force Peter to walk on the water because it was His will. In His sovereignty, Jesus allowed Peter free will to look at and respond to the storm.  What would’ve happened if when he began to sink, rather than cry out to Jesus to save him, he thought, “Well, it must be God’s will for me to sink or I wouldn’t be sinking…” No! No! No!  The wind did not die down until they climbed into the boat.  The battle still had to be fought.  Jesus saved him in the midst of his circumstance. 

Dear Jesus, this was one of the most powerful revelations I’ve ever received!  Thank You so much.  May it flow from You through me to others as You please and direct.  I know that people of great faith don’t always survive.  But I stand on Your Word and fight this battle in faith, trusting You have my hand no matter what.  Let my outcome not be determined by a lack of faith!

Mark 6:5-6:  Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them.  And He marveled because of their unbelief.

Matthew 8:10:  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!

January 10, 2020   (Post #23)

(From Journal #2:  March 30, 2005)

Yesterday I had my 4th and last treatment!  I’m praying for a clean scan in 6 weeks.

Lord, You’ve helped me realize something good I’ve not been doing.  I’m so grateful this instinctively was inside me, because You said in Luke 7:45, “…For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”  I’ve not once said that I “have” cancer.  I’ve stated that I’ve been “diagnosed” with cancer and/or “battling” cancer, but I have not taken ownership of cancer!  It doesn’t belong to me; You nailed it to the Cross!

The more that I meditate on this, the more I see how powerful this is in building our faith in Your Word and not our circumstance.  Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

If we speak words of ownership about sickness, then every time our ears hear those words, we build faith in the sickness, not the healing!  But when I use the terms “diagnosed” or “battling,” my ears hear that this is not acceptable and my faith is strengthened in the fact that sickness must leave!  I’m not allowing it to be part of my identity!

1 Peter 2:24  “…who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.”

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Proverbs 12:14:  “A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth…”

Proverbs 13:3  “He who guards his mouth preserves his life….”

Psalm 141:3  “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.