Treatment, Trials, & Trust
December 15, 2019 (Post #20)
(From Journal #1: March 8, 2005)
I had my first treatment today. I had a scary allergic reaction early on but they got it under control and the rest of the infusion went well but slowly; it took about 6 hours! I was so blessed to discover the treatments are once per week for 4 weeks, and not for months! I’ll be done by the end of March.
I am trusting and believing You that I will not need further treatments. I am standing on Mark 16:18….and if they drink deadly poison, it will not harm them at all…. I am trusting this drug will only kill bad cells and leave the good cells alone!
I want to go back and continue to meditate on Matthew 11:12 and my study of Elijah and also Elisha. I feel there is so much for me to learn. Give me “ears to hear.” I love You, Lord. Thank you for being with me today and always. Protect me from the evil one as Your Word promises. I stand in faith that I am healed and no side effects of the treatment will come nigh me or harm me!
Psalm 91:9-11: If you make the Most High your dwelling, even the LORD, who is my refuge, then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
Hebrews 13:5-6 …because God has said,“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
Hebrews 4:14-16: I hold firmly to the faith I profess and boldly approach the throne of grace with confidence so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.
Psalm 27:13-14: I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Action is Required
December 24, 2019 (Post #21)
(From Journal #1: March 17, 2005)
I had my 2nd infusion a couple of days ago and it went well. Thank You, Lord. The biggest issue is lack of sleep. It seems 3:00 a.m. is the “waking hour.” As tired as I am, there’s something about the silence in the house in these early hours that helps me “hear” revelations from the Bible. Matthew 11:12 is really speaking to me:
“From the days of John the Baptist until now:” This time is Jesus’ life. John (Elijah to pave the way for the Messiah) was 6 months older than Jesus. Prophecy had stopped until John the Baptist and Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy!
“The Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing:” Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven and He was “forcefully advancing” and fulfilling the Father’s will. He suffered much violence and persecution, but His unwavering commitment to His mission forcefully advanced the Kingdom of Heaven through every obstacle.
“And forceful men lay hold of it:” I believe the Word is saying “forceful” men will go after and pursue the Kingdom of Heaven, regardless of any persecution or opposition. We should not be passive in our position or desire to be a part of the advancement of the Kingdom. Go after the Kingdom. Pursue the Kingdom. Stand against the opposition and keep advancing. I think of the woman with the issue of blood who pushed through the crowd just to touch the hem of His garment. She did not let anything keep her from Jesus!
I relate this to my healing and fight against cancer. Jesus paid the price for it. I will fight and stand firm in faith. My study of Matthew shows action is required on my part: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)
Faith is not just something we have, but something we do. It’s both a noun and a verb!
Mark 5:25-28: Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?” But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
Faith is not just something we have, but something we do. It’s both a noun and a verb! ~ Pearl
Victory Before the Battle!
December 31, 2019 (Post #22)
(From Journal #1: March 22, 2005)
Yesterday I had treatment #3. The doctor said I’d be scanned again 6 weeks after the 4th treatment. I’m praying for no more treatments needed!
I read the book of Joshua and I continue to see the Matthew 11:12 “forceful men lay hold of it” revelation portrayed in the Bible. When You told Joshua to cross the Jordan River, the river only parted AFTER they stepped into the water. Action was required before the miracle.
At every battle, You told Joshua, “Today I have given unto you….” BEFORE the battle began. It was spoken as a “done deal” BUT they still had to fight the battle in faith! Lord, this is HUGE! If we believe we have VICTORY BEFORE THE BATTLE, then we fight from faith and not from fear!!! This is a game-changer for every battle we face in life.
This helps me so much in this battle against non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I HAVE the victory. You are with me, but the battle must still be fought. I just have to fight from faith and not from fear. Jesus!
Joshua 3:15-16: “…and as those who bore the ark came to the Jordan, and the feet of the priests who bore the ark dipped in the edge of the water (for the Jordan overflows all its banks during the whole time of harvest), that the waters which came down from upstream stood still, and rose in a heap very far away…”
Joshua 6:2-3: And the Lord said to Joshua: “See! I haven given Jericho into your hand, its king, and the mighty men of valor. You shall march around the city all you men of war; you shall go all around the city once. This you shall do six days.”
Don’t Own It!
January 10, 2020 (Post #23)
(From Journal #2: March 30, 2005)
Yesterday I had my 4th and last treatment! I’m praying for a clean scan in 6 weeks.
Lord, You’ve helped me realize something good I’ve not been doing. I’m so grateful this instinctively was inside me, because You said in Luke 7:45, “…For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” I’ve not once said that I “have” cancer. I’ve stated that I’ve been “diagnosed” with cancer and/or “battling” cancer, but I have not taken ownership of cancer! It doesn’t belong to me; You nailed it to the Cross!
The more that I meditate on this, the more I see how powerful this is in building our faith in Your Word and not our circumstance. Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”
If we speak words of ownership about sickness, then every time our ears hear those words, we build faith in the sickness, not the healing! But when I use the terms “diagnosed” or “battling,” my ears hear that this is not acceptable and my faith is strengthened in the fact that sickness must leave! I’m not allowing it to be part of my identity!
1 Peter 2:24 “…who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.”
Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Proverbs 12:14: “A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth…”
Proverbs 13:3 “He who guards his mouth preserves his life….”
Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.
Tug-of-War
January 17, 2020 (Post #24)
(From Journal #2: April 3, 2005)
The time changed tonight, so I’m technically up at 4:30 rather than 3:30. I’ll continue my scripture study on healing. Give me discernment and revelation, Lord.
As I read about all the times Jesus healed, faith always played a part. There are only two instances in the Bible where Jesus “marveled” and they both involved faith: great faith and no faith (unbelief). Unbelief prevented healing.
Lord, I don’t believe You “give” sickness to anyone. I don’t think this is Your will for me at all. We live in a fallen world. You are the all-powerful Creator, the first-in-command of everything! In Your complete sovereignty, You gave us free will. Man blew it, bringing sin and sickness into this world and into all of our lives. This is why You came, to redeem us from our own mess! You don’t force us to do the right thing, and You certainly don’t tempt us to do the wrong thing. If I believed that You wanted me sick, then why would I even go to the doctor? Wouldn’t I be fighting Your will?
When I reflect on Peter walking on the water, he said, “Lord, IF it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” What was Jesus supposed to say, “No, it’s NOT Me?” Jesus said, “Come.” When Peter began to focus on the storm and not Jesus, he began to sink. But he didn’t sink like a rock; he kept sinking as the fear and unbelief grew stronger. He had enough faith to ask, but not enough to receive. Jesus NEVER changed! Peter is the one who caused the sinking, just like we can sabotage our healing by doubting God and His Word. We will always have a tug-of-war between faith and fear and unbelief. Jesus doesn’t move; we waver! This is why we must know we have victory before the battle!
When Peter cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out His hand. Jesus’ will was for Peter to come to Him right through the storm! But Jesus didn’t force Peter to walk on the water because it was His will. In His sovereignty, Jesus allowed Peter free will to look at and respond to the storm. What would’ve happened if when he began to sink, rather than cry out to Jesus to save him, he thought, “Well, it must be God’s will for me to sink or I wouldn’t be sinking…” No! No! No! The wind did not die down until they climbed into the boat. The battle still had to be fought. Jesus saved him in the midst of his circumstance.
Dear Jesus, this was one of the most powerful revelations I’ve ever received! Thank You so much. May it flow from You through me to others as You please and direct. I know that people of great faith don’t always survive. But I stand on Your Word and fight this battle in faith, trusting You have my hand no matter what. Let my outcome not be determined by a lack of faith!
Mark 6:5-6: Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. And He marveled because of their unbelief.
Matthew 8:10: When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!
Praise the Praise Report!
January 23, 2020 (Post #25)
(From Journal #2: May 3, 2005)
Yesterday I had a follow-up CT scan and the report was great! Thank You, Lord Jesus! The lymph nodes are shrinking and there are no other suspicious areas; no more treatment ordered! My next scan will be the first part of July.
Thank You, Lord, for Your Word and its healing power which is alive, active, and working in me. I will continue my study of healing. I feel great and know I am healed!
Hebrews 4:12: For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Matthew 24:35: Heaven and earth will pass away, but My Words will never pass away.
Isaiah 32:17: The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.
Jeremiah 17:7: But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.
Attention, Please!
February 8, 2020 (Post #26)
(From Journal #2: August 12, 2005)
The CT scan back on July 8th was great; thank You, Jesus! The lymph nodes continue to shrink as the Word eats away cancer. So, I scan again in November.
Things have been busy this summer and I cannot believe I’ve been away from the journal for so long. I’ve also allowed distractions to interfere with my study of Your Word. But then You did what all good parents do: You corrected me! You brought Proverbs 4:20-22 to my spirit and showed me I had not been attending to Your Word, and You were right.
I know Your Word. I believe Your Word. I speak Your Word. But lately, I haven’t been getting it before my eyes and in my ears enough. I’ve been neglecting and not prioritizing my personal Bible study and haven’t been listening to the great teachers I like to follow. I can’t “coast along” on what I know. I must attend to Your Word to keep learning and for fresh revelation. Also, I haven’t been “rejoicing in the Lord always.” I’ve been whining and complaining and focusing on the wrong things. Forgive me, Lord. Thank You for loving me enough to discipline and correct.
Proverbs 4:20-22: “My son, attend to My words; incline thine ear unto My sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.”
Hebrews 12:5-6: …“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.”
Proverbs 3:11-12: My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves, He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.
Philippians 4:4: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Protect Your Faith
February 15, 2020 (Post #27)
(From Journal #2: August 15, 2005)
Back in May I began to visit another church. Our regular church added an early service, so I go to one church at 8:00 with John the other at 10:00 by myself. While I love our church, the pastor and the people, there’s really no teaching on faith or healing. To be frank, the pastor couldn’t really pray for me in faith that God wants me healed. There were too many “ifs” in the prayer. It just sort of negates the value of our faith having any role in what we receive. That’s not what I read in the Word? I do realize people of great faith don’t always survive, but Jesus clearly mentioned the role of faith in those He healed and those who did not receive healing.
Yesterday, the pastor’s wife at the new church caught me as I was leaving and I told her I can now come regularly. I explained to her that spiritually the other church wasn’t helping me stand in faith for healing. She told me she’d written down something the Lord had given her a few days before and now she realized it was meant for me. She took a piece of paper out of her Bible and when she read it, it astounded me! Then she said, “Girl, the Lord really loves you.” Thank you, Jesus! This is what You told her:
“This is an exercise of faith. You have to protect your faith from doubt and unbelief. Words and thoughts are the most powerful weapons for or against your faith. It means having to separate yourself from doubt and unbelief UNTO thoughts and words of faith in what you read, watch and hear… including the people you associate with. Be yoked with people of like faith and you’ll witness the manifestation of your desires. Be yoked with unbelief and you risk the frustration of the postponement, or even unfulfilled desire. Your faith is precious. Don’t allow little foxes to steal it. Everything was made by the God-kind of faith, and it’s a gift from your Father. It’s a mystery to the world and a treasure for the believer. Pray for all close-knit relationships and associations to be of faith and agreement, especially where your desires and needs are concerned. Because “if any two (agree)…it shall be done.”
Lord, thank You for this Word. Unbelief is contagious. I want to protect my faith.
Matthew 18:19: “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.”
John 11:40: Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe, you would see the glory of God?”
Mark 10:52: “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.
Mark 5:34: And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
Don’t Miss the Rainbow!
February 23, 2020 (Post #28)
(From Journal #2: August 16, 2005)
Yesterday Lord, You gave me such a beautiful sign and revelation. I’ve been having this strange pain in my right side which is concerning. I got up and walked outside. The sky had become very dark and ominous and the wind was blowing. It was very threatening. I stood in the breezeway and looked at those dark clouds as they hung very low and seemed to envelope my home and me. They were symbolic of the heaviness I’d been feeling. And then, I saw it!
A rainbow was right in the middle of those black clouds! It’s You, Lord. You’re the rainbow, the promise, the covenant, the hope!
I had to be looking to see the rainbow. Its pastel colors were so delicate they appeared to be overshadowed by the clouds. However, once I saw it, the colors were bright to me and the clouds became secondary to the Light! Oh Lord, thank You for reminding me and showing me that You are always there, never leaving, never forsaking. No matter what comes against me, You are there – the Light, the rainbow, the promise, the peace, the everlasting, ever-present hope.
Genesis 9:13-16: “I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”
Ezekiel 1:28: Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord.
Psalm 105:8: He remembers His covenant forever, The word which He commanded, for a thousand generations…
Prison Break
March 1, 2020 (Post #29)
(From Journal #2: September 5, 2005)
This mystery pain in my right side continues to bother me? The doctor ordered x-rays and an ultrasound and things were negative, so I’m very grateful. I will continue to pray and stand on Your Word which gives me strength.
I’ve been studying the book of Acts lately. When Paul and Silas were thrown into prison, they prayed and sang hymns to God, which ushered in a miracle! Even though their circumstances were bad, they continued to stay focused on the Lord. The other prisoners were listening. We witness to others when we don’t lose faith in times of crisis and hardship.
Acts 16:26 says, “Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed.”
Wow! There is so much in this. First, I see that more than one foundation was shaken before the prison doors opened. This shows me there can be more than one issue holding us prisoner in our lives and keeping us from freedom. But God suddenly shakes us and breaks those foundations so that we can be free from the bondage we’re in! Praise God!
All at once the prison doors flew open and everybody’s chains came loose. When I am free, the chains of those around me come loose too because I do affect others by both my bondage and my freedom! It’s not all about me…
Acts 16:27-34: And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.” Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes. And immediately he and all his family were baptized. Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.
Shake off the Viper!
March 8, 2020 (Post #30)
(From Journal #2: September 7, 2005)
In Acts 28, Paul made it to the island of Malta. All on the ship were saved because of him. He gathered brushwood and as he put it on the fire, a viper driven out by the heat fastened itself to his left hand! The islanders thought he must have done something to deserve it, that it was a punishment. The people expected him to swell up and die, but when he didn’t, they changed their minds and thought he was a god. Paul had so much faith (fire) that he didn’t panic or fear the viper. But Paul shook off the snake and suffered no ill effects! The people then knew Paul was different and that something special was on his life. He then, through the power of Jesus, healed everyone on the island! Then Paul did much traveling to get to Rome. The Lord sent some brothers who invited Paul, Luke and the others to stay with them. The Bible said that at the sight of these men, Paul thanked God and was encouraged. Even though Paul had been through so much and seen God’s faithfulness many times, he still needed encouragement and God provided it!
I see a parallel: It was raining and cold. Life can be such. But when we fight back and build a “fire” in our heart with the Word of God, and keep putting “brushwood” on it by studying/meditating/growing, the vipers in our life will come out of the fire and attack us. As Christians, the more we grow, the bigger the threat we are and the more the viper (satan, the enemy) wants to attack. You see, if we don’t apply any heat, the viper remains comfortable and unthreatened. But when heat (the Word, faith) is applied, he will attack. And people are watching. They’ll make assumptions about why things come against us. They’ll blame God or think we deserve it somehow. People expect the worst when you say “cancer,” but because of Jesus, I choose to shake off that cancer viper, praise God! And just like Paul, You’ve encouraged me so many times, especially since the lymphoma diagnosis. I am healed; I know it. But during this journey, You have sent people to encourage me with a Word of confirmation You’ve give to them. You bless me so, Lord! Thank You so much!
Acts 28:5: But he shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm.
Acts 28:15: And from there, when the brethren heard about us, they came to see us… When Paul saw them, he thanked God and took courage.
Releasing My Artist Self
March 15, 2020 (Post #31)
(From Journal #3: September 12, 2005)
There’s nothing like cancer to make one reassess our lives about whether we’re fulfilling God’s plan for us? I know He wants me to paint. I found a wonderful art institute in the town square and began a “beginner’s” art class last week since I’ve not painted in years. There, I learned about another class I’m joining in a couple of days (that actually started last week) called The Artists’ Way. I actually already had the book because someone once-upon-a-time had recommended it but I’d never done anything with it. Isn’t that so like me and so much of my problem? So many good intentions and desires, but nothing accomplished?
It asks you to do “Morning Pages” which is easy for me because I already journal.The Artists’ Way appears to be a bit like a “12-step AA” program for struggling artists. That is clearly me; I never have been able to really call myself an artist. I’ve allowed fear and insecurity to hold me back and make me think I can’t do it, and not qualified or worthy to say, “I am an artist.” My mind is often my worst foe. I get off track of what God wants me to do. I get so overwhelmed by day-to-day “junk” that I never get around to painting. I feel like a mouse on a wheel; my legs are spinning and I’m working hard but I never get anywhere…
I want and need to feel like I do something that matters. I want to have passion and excitement about my days. I want to paint beautiful pictures without fear of rejection, without fear of perfection, without fear of any kind. You have given me part of Your artistic love, but I haven’t fulfilled Your plan. I want to and choose to! I believe this class will help me. I hope to bring You joy by “getting it” and finally allowing You to create beautiful works through my hands on canvas or however You choose.
It’s for Your pleasure, and if others appreciate it, that’s great. But it’s not for the praises of man I need to pursue. It’s You I want to bring pleasure and joy to, You! Am I Your canvas, Lord? If I am to fulfill my purpose and plan I must surrender to You, listen to You, and allow You to show me the way.
Exodus 35:31-32: …and He has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, in cutting jewels for setting, in carving wood, and to work in all manner of artistic workmanship.
Ephesians 2:10: For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
Proverbs 22:29: Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.
Look it Up!
March 21, 2020 (Post #32)
(From Journal #3: September 16, 2005)
Benign. How I’ve wrestled with this word ever since the surgery when I know I heard an angel whisper in my ear, “Don’t worry; it’s benign” and yet the biopsy diagnosed cancer? The “conflicting reports” have had me confused, but I still chose to trust what I heard and asked You to help me understand. And then today, You gave me clarity.
I was working on something in the office and all of a sudden in my spirit, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me, “What does benign mean?” My immediate response was “not cancerous.” And I heard, “Really? Look it up!” In obedience, I got out the dictionary and literally looked it up. And to my surprise:
- of kindly disposition, gracious
- showing or expressive of gentleness or kindness
- favorable; propitious
- clement; beneficial
- not malignant
Lord, “not cancerous or malignant” is the fifth definition! It also means a favorable condition, a good omen, a good outcome! The angel was telling me that things would turn out favorably and they have and continue to. There is no conflicting report. It is benign! Praise You, Jesus!
Matthew 10:27: “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”
Psalm 5:3: In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation.
Planting in Faith
May 3, 2020 (Post #38)
(From Journal #3: December 7, 2005)
So much happened over the past week. While in Atlanta visiting Pam, the strange pain that’s been off/on in my right side began to hurt about 10:00 p.m. and it didn’t ease at all. By 2:30 a.m. it had become excruciating. I’d been praying for hours and wisdom told me to wake Pam and go to the hospital. Appendicitis kept coming to my mind. The ER doctor feared appendicitis too because I had an elevated white blood count, and he would not release me without a CT scan. He said the scan didn’t give a clear view of the appendix but he felt it was okay. Thank You, Jesus! I’d told him about being diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma and he saw one of the lymph nodes as 2×2.5 cm? I believe that’s even more shrinkage from my last scan!
It was about 8:00 a.m. when we got back to Pam’s and just a few minutes after, I got a call from a friend in Texas. She said she woke up around 4:00 a.m. with me on her heart and she’d been praying for me that morning and wanted to know if I was okay? I was in the ER at that time waiting for the CT scan! I know You woke her to pray for me and against the attack on my body! Bless her for her faithfulness to pray and intercede for me. I am so grateful Lord!
I was glad to get back home finally but fatigued and a little overwhelmed from the pain and ER experience. As an act of faith on healing, Saturday I worked outside in the yard most of the day. I dug up off-shoots of crepe myrtles and replanted them where I want them to grow. I planted mums and 5 flats of pansies. I could not have done this without Your strength.
There was something very healing about planting and expecting these things to live, grow and thrive, especially the crepe myrtles. It’s like planting little sprouts of faith expecting them to grow deep roots and grow tall, strong, and beautiful. I worked like a healed, energetic, pain-free, focused person and it felt like I was making a statement to the enemy that he is defeated! Thank You for being my healer!
Luke 8:15: But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.
1 Corinthians 3:7: So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.
Ephesians 6:18: And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Romans 8:26: In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Faith, Fear or Pride?
May 10, 2020 (Post #39)
(From Journal #3: December 28, 2005)
Since the ER visit, things have been moving pretty fast. I had a colonoscopy and everything was perfect; thank You, Jesus! I also saw the oncologist and had yet another CT scan. But there’s still nothing showing as the cause for the pain in my side? My lymph nodes haven’t grown back any, but they haven’t shrunk further either. For this reason, the doctor suggests another round of Rituxan and he scheduled it for January. This afternoon I see the surgeon again because it appears I have developed a hernia at the surgery sight, so now I have this to deal with too.
I know I am healed. I always felt in my spirit that one round of immunotherapy is all that would be needed. What is Your will for me, Lord? I don’t want to refuse treatment to “prove that I have faith” to others that I believe I’m healed. That would be about me, my pride, and stubbornness. That would be foolish and dangerous and isn’t true faith. I don’t want to take treatments I don’t really need and risk side effects. But I also don’t want to refuse them out of fear of side effects. Help me make this decision based on faith and wisdom, not from fear, unbelief, or pride.
A few days ago, Pastor Rob emailed to wish us a Merry Christmas. That opened the door for me to seek his counsel about what to do. He helped me so much to put the confusion to rest. You are not the author of confusion. I feel peaceful and confident about treatments. I’ll take them with the same faith I did before. This is about my FAITH IN YOU, not faith in my faith…
1 Corinthians 14:33: For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…”
Philippians 4:6-7: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Psalm 32:8: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.
Waiting Room or Witness Room?
May 17, 2020 (Post #40)
(From Journal #3: January 7, 2006)
I started treatments again a few days ago, and I’m so grateful that I did not have the allergic reaction this time! When I saw the surgeon, he confirmed I do have a hernia but he does not want to repair it until he’s sure I won’t need to have surgery again for the lymphoma. I’m believing I won’t.
Lord, You brought three precious people across my path yesterday in the waiting room! My heart especially ached for the older little man. Oh, how You must love him! I got to lay my hand on his arm and agree with him that he’s okay – healed! The other man seemed so sad and tired. Heal his body, Lord. I shook his hand and told him I’d pray for him. The lady who was sitting close by, I didn’t get to physically touch, but I pray she could feel Your Holy Spirit reaching out to her and the other two through me, and that Your healing power is working in all of them!
It’s hard to believe it was one year ago today when I had the body scan that discovered non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Oh, how much has transpired, Lord! What a journey we’ve been on and are still taking. You are my healer; You are my everything. I have learned so much this year and feel so much closer to You. I’ve certainly not handled everything as I should, but Your grace and mercy have led me, taught me, and matured me.
Proverbs 12:25: Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Ephesians 6:18: And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
1 Thessalonians 5:11: Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.
Galatians 6:2: Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
The “Waking” Hour
May 24, 2020 (Post #41
(From Journal #3: January 8, 2006)
For the past several nights, like so many times before, You’ve wakened me at 3:00 a.m., inviting me to spend time with You. I don’t know the significance of this hour, but it seems to be “our time.” It’s as if You and I are the only two in the world awake, and I have You all to myself. Even though I am tired, the quiet time is so special and I am not distracted. Some of the biggest revelations you’ve taught me have been in these early hours. The Creator of the universe loves me and wants to spend time with me. Forgive me for the times I chose sleep over time in prayer with You.
I am glad I have not drawn back from You during this health battle. No matter what has come against me, I have not run from You, but to You. That is the victory. Running to Jesus is always a victory! You are my protector and I thank You. Without You, fear is an enemy; but with You, fear is cast down and defeated. I will not fear!
During our time this morning, I read a scripture in Isaiah I’ve read before and highlighted. In the margins I’d written, “Lord, I want a teachable spirit.” How true. I do want a teachable spirit. I confess and repent for all the times I have stubbornly resisted being taught, or for refusing to change.
Isaiah 50:4-5: The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the Word that sustains the weary. He wakes me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.”
Matthew 26:40-41: Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What? Could you not watch with Me one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
God’s Tool Box is Full
June 20, 2020 (Post #42)
(From Journal #3: February 12, 2006)
This morning I saw a pastor on TV who had been diagnosed with Hepatitis C. Treatment options had been presented to him, and none without side effects and risks. He believes in divine healing and found himself thinking his choices were: “I either have to go through treatment OR trust God to heal me.” In his mind he felt that treatment would make him a “faith-failure.” His very wise mother told him that medicines are for healing and the enemy is about death. He realized that he had put You in a box by thinking he could only be divinely healed in a certain way, and saw that You give us many tools to use for healing, like medicines, supplements, diet, etc. It wasn’t a question of medicine OR trusting God; it was treatment AND trusting God.
Oh, can I relate! I just went through this myself. Last week I finished my 4th and last treatment of my 2nd round of immunotherapy. I thought about how in Deuteronomy 30:19, You told Moses and the Israelites “… I have set before you life and death; choose life…” I chose to see this treatment path as a part of Your healing and took it in faith. I also thought about Naaman and how his pride and stubbornness almost cost him his healing.
2 Kings 5:1, 10-15: Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the Lord had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy. Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.” But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage. Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy. Then Naaman and all his attendants went back to the man of God. He stood before him and said, “Now I know that there is no God in all the world except in Israel…”
Pursue the Enemy
July 26, 2020 (Post #45)
(From Journal #4: March 4, 2006)
This morning while reading the Bible, I saw something in Psalm 18 I hadn’t seen before: Psalm 18:37-39: I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. You armed me with strength for battle…
This so spoke to me about the recent decision I had to make about whether or not to do another round of immunotherapy for non-Hodgkins lymphoma as the doctor suggested. He also said that because NHL is “chronic” some doctors treat initially to “suppress” the cancer and then “wait and watch.” I remember what immediately sprang up from my heart and out of my mouth: “I’m not interested in managing cancer. I’m getting rid of it.”
Oh Lord, this scripture confirms to me that I am rightly pursuing my enemy cancer and I won’t stop until it’s destroyed. I refuse to accept that the enemy somehow has “permission” to stay and attack my body under the guise of “chronic.” The enemy is crushed and beneath my feet because it’s beneath YOUR feet and I know who I am in You! Your Holy Spirit living inside me provides the strength and power to fight this enemy to its destruction.
Romans 6:20: And the God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.
Ephesians 1:22-23: And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.
Seeing is Believing (Part 1)
August 9, 2020 (Post #46)
(From Journal #4: March 22, 2006)
Lord, I believe You’ve got a revelation for me to study and document: “Seeing is Believing.” I immediately thought of John 20:29: Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Jesus clearly said that those who would believe in Him “without seeing” evidence of miracles, etc., were blessed. Help me to understand and grasp what you want me to “see” from this study. I’m going to review as much scripture as I can about those who would “see and believe,” those who “saw and yet would not believe” and those who “believed without seeing.” I’ll just start in Matthew with what Jesus said about our eyes…
“The eye is the lamp of the body. Therefore if your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23)
This almost sounds like an oxymoron, Lord. How can light be darkness? I think You’re saying that if our spiritual eyes are blinded by evil, then our natural eyes cannot “see” the truth, only deception. So often the “spiritual leaders” were the ones who were filled with darkness and pride and rejected what they saw.
Jesus marveled at the centurion because he saw with spiritual eyes that Jesus had the authority to heal his servant by just speaking; he didn’t need to see any “proof” with his natural eyes. Matthew 8:8, 10: The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed.” When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!…”
When Jesus told the paralytic that his sins were forgiven and to pick up his mat and go home, the religious scribes were offended and called Him a blasphemer rather than “seeing” the miracle! However, the people saw and believed. Matthew 9:8: Now when the multitudes saw it, they marveled and glorified God, who had given such power to men.
Lord, how many times have I seen Your faithfulness, and yet later doubted and feared from unbelief? Seeing should be believing…
Seeing is Believing (Part 2)
August 29, 2020 (Post #47)
(From Journal #4: March 22, 2006)
Lord, there are two accounts in Matthew where You healed the blind, and asked them interesting, yet very different questions?
To the first men who kept following You and crying out for mercy, You asked in Matthew 9:27-29, …“Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”
And to the second men sitting by the road who kept crying out to you for mercy, even though the crowd warned them to be quiet, You stood still and called them and asked in Matthew 20:32-34, “What do you want Me to do for you?” They said to Him, “Lord, that our eyes may be opened.” So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes. And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.”
These questions seem odd since in both cases the blind men followed, pursued, and shouted out for mercy. It seems obvious that in both cases they wanted their sight and believed You were able or they wouldn’t have been so persistent. Yet, You never asked the first men what they wanted, only if they believed You were able? That direct question made them answer what was truly in their hearts and “according to their faith” it was done for them.
The second men clearly believed You were able or they wouldn’t have kept calling out to You in spite of the crowd trying to stop them. So, why did You ask what they wanted when it seems so clear? I think it was a lesson for the unbelieving crowd…
These blind men had never been able to “see and believe” a miracle with their natural eyes as did the multitude who kept trying to silence them rather than believe they could be healed and try to help them get to You. They “believed without seeing” in the natural and “saw and believed” with spiritual eyes of faith! By asking what they wanted You to do for them, You gave them a choice to ask for what they really wanted and valued. They could have asked for wealth as well as their sight, but they didn’t. They knew if they could see with their natural eyes and follow You, everything else would take care of itself. They knew what was most important.
This is convicting, Lord. We can deceive ourselves into thinking that just because we follow You, we are full of faith. Yet in our hearts we don’t always “see and believe.” We see and hope maybe?
Matthew 13:16: But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
Seeing is Believing (Part 3)
September 6, 2020 (Post #48)
(From Journal #4: March 24, 2006)
As I continue to study “seeing is believing” it is striking at how most forgot the miracles they witnessed, even John the Baptist…the one who baptized Jesus! It seems if anyone would never waver, it would be him. And yet, while imprisoned he sent his disciples to ask Jesus in Matthew 11:3 …“Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?” Jesus’ response to the disciples was to go back and remind John what he had heard and seen. In other words, he had witnessed enough to know that Jesus is the Messiah. This also shows me that all of us can fall into doubt and unbelief if we focus on our problems rather than reflect on what we have seen.
Jesus rebuked the cities in which most of His miracles had been done because they would not believe what they had seen and repent. There were those who saw Your miracles and marveled and believed, but it was the religious leaders, the Pharisees and the Sadducees who saw the same things, yet rejected You and asked for more “signs.” They had “eyes of darkness.” Jesus said cities that had been destroyed due to their wickedness would have repented in sackcloth and ashes if they had seen Jesus’ miracles! The people and cities who saw and yet would not believe are without excuse. That’s true for us today.
In John 4:46-54, a nobleman whose son was dying went to find Jesus and asked him to come heal his son. He wanted to “see” this. Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your son lives.” So the man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him, and he went his way. And as he was now going down, his servants met him and told him, saying, “Your son lives!” Then he inquired of them the hour when he got better. And they said to him, “Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him. So the father knew that it was at the same hour in which Jesus said to him, “Your son lives.” And he himself believed, and his whole household. Just like the centurion, this man “believed without seeing.”
I think of the formula “If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.” If “seeing is believing” then “believing is seeing.” IS is a verb of being: God is I AM, therefore, I AM is God!
Lord, help me hold on to this as I battle non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and life in general which is full of hardships. Help me to…
- See and believe in the present
- Remember what I have seen and believed in the past
Believe without seeing in the future.
Don’t Lose Your Passion
September 13, 2020 (Post #49)
(From Journal #5: March 28, 2006)
A few days ago on a Christian TV show, a couple of teachers said we should be seeing more of the miraculous today. I agree with them because You said in John 14:12-14: “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.”
This hit home because recently I’ve been attacked by frightening symptoms again regarding my heart. I am standing on Your Word that I am healed of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and my heart is fine. But I confess I questioned if my faith is weak or hindered by unbelief as the reason I’ve not seen the miraculous full manifestation of healing? You’ve been taking me on this study of “Seeing is Believing” so why wasn’t I “seeing” the results? A couple of days later, You gave me some insight on another Christian TV show. This pastor’s sermon was “Power follows Passion.”
He taught about how those who had a passion for You and pursued You no matter what, received power in their lives. This bore witness with my spirit on what you showed me before about “forceful men lay hold of it.” He said that when we’re down to nothing, You’re up to something! He gave examples of people with passion who had seasons of nothing before their breakthroughs (like Joseph). But they kept their passion for the Lord, and the power came. This really blessed me.
Another good point he made jumped out at me. The woman with the issue of blood was the first to receive healing by touching Jesus’ garment. Everyone else either had hands laid on them, or Jesus spoke a word. She, because of her passion, kept pursuing Jesus and when she touched him, He felt the power go out of Him to heal her. I’d never really thought about it, but women were the ones who often had the passion to pursue Jesus. This woman did; there was the woman who was willing to eat crumbs off the floor, and of course Mary Magdeline.
I never want to lose passion for You, Lord. I’ve seen the difference in my life and I don’t want to go back. No matter how long it takes, I’m not letting go of Your garment.
Luke 8:43-48: Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?” When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”
Matthew 11:12: “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”
Make the First Move
October 9, 2020 (Post #52)
(From Journal #6: June 12, 2006)
Lord, I have so much to thank You for! My recent CT scan was so good! The lymph nodes have shrunk to 1/2 the size, my lungs are clear, and no other suspicious places showing! And, I saw a cardiologist who did a new kind of test on me that shows if there is any soft or hard plaque in my arteries and it was perfect! So even with high cholesterol numbers, my arteries are clear. He’s having me wear a monitor for 30 days. If there’s anything to be discovered, shine Your light on it, Lord.
For several days, I’ve had a thought “pop into my head” that I’m to ask the next door neighbor Libby to go to the Home Show with me. The woman isn’t that friendly and barely speaks to me, but a week or so ago she caught me outside and did chat a bit; she even asked about my art. Anyway, I’ve felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me to ask her to do something. Lord, You know how much I hate doing these things… that’s why You’re after me, huh?
I confess that I didn’t want to go, but I called her, hoping she’d say no. But she didn’t. The only available day of the Home Show for her was Sunday and I didn’t want to spend my Sunday afternoon with her. I told her I’d call her after church to see if she was still up for it, and she said she’d still like to go. Well, You sure taught me a lesson.
We made some small talk and I finally asked if she had kids or grandkids. She began to tell me how she hasn’t spoken to her daughter in 4 years! She was telling me this as we were leaving the Home Show and I felt You telling me to go to Sonic and keep talking. I discovered why You had me do this. We sat in the car with our drinks and she began to open up about her life, her husband’s health, etc. She’s scared and lonely. I told her YOU had me call her and that You love her a lot.
I’ve been painfully aware of how these mission trips to far off places aren’t for me. I’ve always admired those willing to go to dangerous places to share the Gospel. Yet all You did was ask me to go next door and I whined and complained, after church! It wasn’t China or Africa – it was next door. Forgive me for my selfish attitude and poor witness. I pray the seed planted in Libby will be watered with Your love and Word. I trust You will show me how and what to do concerning her in the future. I am humbled to be used to reach out to her.
A Work in Progress
October 24, 2020 (Post #53)
(From Journal #6: July 25, 2006)
I saw the cardiologist about the heart monitor and results are normal! Praise You for the good report!
I had a humbling experience while at the hospital. While in the waiting room an elderly gentleman on crutches came in. He seemed very distressed and was muttering to himself. I looked at him a couple of times and smiled. I heard him utter “Jesus” and I knew he was praying. I began to feel I should go and offer to pray with him, but I didn’t want to embarrass him (or was it me?) in front of the people in the room. I really wanted privacy and hoping for more people to leave.
Before that could happen, an attendant with a wheelchair came for him. I followed him to the elevator because I couldn’t let him leave without telling him that my spirit felt I was to pray for him. He said for me do it and I trust that You gave me the right words to pray. So, I wound up praying in the middle of the hallway, in front of the elevator, in front of many more people than who were in the waiting room…
That precious man needed a touch of love and I pray he felt Your love through me. Help me to grow in my discernment about others and to know when and how to be encouraging as Your Spirit leads me. Lord, forgive me for not praying with him immediately when I felt the Holy Spirit leading me. But You did show me that I can be bold enough to pray whenever, wherever, and with whomever You tell me.
This is still hard for me, just like with recently approaching my neighbor Libby. I did send her a card letting her know how much I enjoyed our time and that I’m praying for her. Thank You for the privilege of being Your servant to others. I am definitely a work in progress.
Luke 6:46: “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do the things which I say?”
Psalm 40:8: I desire to do Your will, my God; Your law is within my heart.
James 5:16: …and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
John 13:34-35: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Complete the Unfinished
November 17, 2020 (Post #54)
(From Journal #7: September 18, 2006)
A few weeks ago I met with another surgeon about doing the hernia repair. He does it by laparoscopy which is much better. I was supposed to have it done a few days ago. But early in the morning on the day for pre-op lab work, I woke and felt Your Spirit telling me I was outside Your timing? So I called and canceled trusting You would give me peace on when to reschedule. I found out why when I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. He said everything was looking good, praise! He suggested I have another CT scan before the hernia repair. Thank You for having me wait. While I wait, I know You are more than able to supernaturally heal this…
We’ve been painting a lot and finished three things. It felt so good to complete the unfinished. It was symbolic to me that You leave nothing undone. It was a “breakthrough” in more than one realm. I’m tired of “staying stuck” in any area of my life. I am ready to move into a new level and want all that You have for me. I am sick of the wilderness.
Then on Sunday, Pastor Rob’s sermon was so good and confirming. I felt Your Holy Spirit so tangibly and had goosebumps all through the service. He taught how You are not constrained by our natural time. Case-in-point: I received the message from You that no matter how many years I’ve wasted or how many mistakes I’ve made, there is always plenty of time for You to accomplish Your will in my life. You have a way of making up that time. Lord, I received that even though I didn’t go to art school and I’m getting a late start, You can catapult me as an artist. If You desire for me to speak and give my testimony even though I have no platform, You can make it happen. If You want all these lessons and thoughts written into a book or column, whatever, You’ll show me and make it happen. I just sat there and felt Your love and received that it’s never too late with You.
I also felt You telling me to take the same faith I have about healing and use it in every area of my life. It’s the same faith. The enemy knows he can’t get me to waver where healing is concerned, so he’s attacking me in other areas, which creates stress that has a detrimental effect on my health. We’re on to him!
Today I was drawn to Joel 2:25: “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…” I appropriate that promise over my life, Lord.
Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Another Gut Punch!
January 17, 2021: (Post #58)
(From Journal #8: December 13, 2006)
Yesterday was my first round of immunotherapy again. What a long day. Left the house at 7:30 a.m. and didn’t get home until almost 6:00 p.m. I had another allergic reaction, so that slowed things down. But this reaction wasn’t as severe as last time, so I am grateful.
My last CT scan report obviously wasn’t what I was believing for. The lymph nodes that had previously shrunk had grown and a few more lymph nodes in that vicinity were larger. I’m not going to try and pretend with You because You know the truth anyway. I was disappointed and not excited about having to do treatments again. The enemy has tried to bring frightening thoughts to my mind, but I refuse to listen. I will take this treatment with the same faith as before!
I see how my quiet time with You keeps getting interrupted; the enemy knows “interruption and distraction” are his greatest weapons. I need the Word before my eyes as well as in my ears. “Seeing is believing” and I need to “see” the Word as well as “hear” it. His goal is to keep me from everything that increases my faith. Help me to not cooperate with his schemes.
I know the truth and the truth shall set me free. I will not let go of my confidence. You are faithful. Any thoughts that come into my mind contrary to Your Word, I resist in Jesus’ Name!
Romans 10:17: So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
Proverbs 4:20-22: My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.
John 8:31-32: And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Lessons from the Beach
January 30, 2021: (Post #59)
(From Journal #8: February 24, 2007)
I’m at the beach with a group of ladies. One of my friends and her husband built a beautiful house right on the coast. After going through immunotherapy again, I’m so grateful to have this time away to just rest in You and fellowship with my friends.
This morning as I walked on the beach looking for shells, You taught me another life lesson. We, like the shells, are made by You. We were created to be whole and perfect, each beautiful in its own way – all shapes, sizes and colors. But life, bad choices, even things out of our control, beat us up and we can be broken. Even if only a tiny piece is on the beach, it’s still pretty to someone (You) who will pick it up and make something beautiful with it. It still has value and worth. What some will walk by, another will stop and gather. They see something in that broken shell that someone else doesn’t. Some shells even mold together, similar to how we get help and support from others.
Thank You for this revelation, Lord. I am always humbled by the size and power of the ocean and yet You created it and hold it in the palm of Your hand! How big is my God!
Isaiah 40:12: Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, measured heaven with a span and calculated the dust of the earth in a measure? Weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?
Psalm 34:18: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 51:17: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
Divine Appointments
August 14, 2001 (Post #61)
(From Journal #8: March 8, 2007)
My latest CT scan was on the 5th and praise You for a good report! The lymph nodes shrank again, to below 2 cm. I scan again in three months. The doctor gave me the green light to now have the abdominal hernia repaired.
A couple of days ago I went to Quizno’s for lunch. As I walked inside a woman and her mother walked in before me. The older lady reminded me so much of mother. She was dressed so cute and I complimented her as I stood behind them in line. As we chatted, I heard in my spirit that I was to buy their lunch. There was a line of people and I didn’t say anything. The older lady had a credit card in her hand. You told me again to buy their lunch, so I told her that I wanted to bless them and treat them to lunch. It was a total God-appointment!
We sat together to eat and Linda, the daughter, had recently lost her husband to cancer and was in fear of finances, health, etc., She admitted mumbling to herself about having no money to even buy their lunch. She was 6 months late on a follow-up mammogram that was actually scheduled for today and she was afraid to go. I shared my story of how You have helped me through my health battle and it seemed to bless her. She said because You reached out to her through me, she would go in new strength. Thank You, Lord.
Turns out the mom, Joan, is an artist too but hasn’t painted in years. And today, I took her to art class with me! I had no idea she was 84 years old. She lost her husband at Christmas and she is so lonely. She’d called me the day before and tentatively accepted the invitation. She needed to try and reschedule a conflicting appointment. She said she’d confirm one way or another either later that night or this morning. I didn’t hear from her and wondered if she’d changed her mind. I didn’t want to pressure her but I kept feeling You prompting me to call her just to be sure she was okay. Lord, she’d lost my number! She said she was dressed, ready to go and sitting there praying I would call. Oh, Jesus, how awesome are You?
She was nervous and scared to get started but once she did, she relaxed and had a good time. It was such a blessing to see this precious lady enjoying art once again. It almost felt like I was doing art with my mom. I bought her art supplies so she can start painting at home too. Thank You for bringing this sweet new friend into my life.
Proverbs 16:9: A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.
Psalm 37:25: The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way.
Recovering With the Redbirds
October 2, 2021 (Post #64)
(From Journal #9: May 1, 2007)
Finally had the hernia surgery a couple of days ago. The doctor had blocked off 45 minutes, but it turned out to be 3 hours! You exposed the darkness again; there were two more hernias behind this one. Instead of 4 incisions, I have 20! The pain afterward was excruciating. They gave me 4 or 5 narcotics and nothing helped. Finally they gave me some super anti-inflammatory and it stopped the pain, praise! Thank You for seeing me through it.
I’ve been recovering and resting on the couch in the sitting room. Yesterday, I kept seeing a male and female redbird going in/out of the butterfly bush by the window. Right there in the bush, not four feet off the ground, is a nest with three babies! Their mouths were wide open and hungry. Both the male and female took turns feeding them all day. Oh Lord, what a beautiful gift! I just love them.
Today, I’ve spent the past two hours just watching in awe. One of them left the nest and made his way far on the other side of the next bush. He’s a feisty little guy. When he first left the nest, I could see was scared and wobbly. His mother kept flying in to feed the other two still in the nest, but he would not be ignored. He followed his mother to the next bush and kept chirping at her! (…forceful men lay hold of it…) He must be the “Peter” of the three. The other two watched him. One seemed interested in getting out and the other kept huddling down in the comfort and security of the nest. Lord, what a spectacular thing to behold. How amazing are the works of Your hands? Thank you for giving me a front row seat to witness this while I recover.
We’re not so different from the birds, are we? We’re often too afraid to step out in faith and leave the secure nest. The father and mother kept circling the bush. They kept their eyes on him, but allowed him to venture out and try his wings. They didn’t abandon him, but allowed him to grow and to experience life. You do the same with us. You ask us to step out in faith, but You keep Your protective eyes on us as we wobble along the journey and strengthen our legs. We are not alone. What a lesson, Lord!
I left the room for a while and when I returned I saw how far Peter had traveled. I hope he and the others continue to call these bushes home and will visit often. He’s quite a “chirper.”
Matthew 6:25-26: ”Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet Your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
Psalm 34:15: The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry.
John 14:18: I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
