February 15, 2020 (Post #27)

(From Journal #2:  August 15, 2005)

Back in May I began to visit another church.  Our regular church added an early service, so I go to one church at 8:00 with John the other at 10:00 by myself.  While I love our church, the pastor and the people, there’s really no teaching on faith or healing.  To be frank, the pastor couldn’t really pray for me in faith that God wants me healed.  There were too many “ifs” in the prayer.  It just sort of negates the value of our faith having any role in what we receive.  That’s not what I read in the Word? I do realize people of great faith don’t always survive, but Jesus clearly mentioned the role of faith in those He healed and those who did not receive healing.

Yesterday, the pastor’s wife at the new church caught me as I was leaving and I told her I can now come regularly.  I explained to her that spiritually the other church wasn’t helping me stand in faith for healing.  She told me she’d written down something the Lord had given her a few days before and now she realized it was meant for me.  She took a piece of paper out of her Bible and when she read it, it astounded me!  Then she said, “Girl, the Lord really loves you.”  Thank you, Jesus!  This is what You told her:

“This is an exercise of faith.  You have to protect your faith from doubt and unbelief.  Words and thoughts are the most powerful weapons for or against your faith.  It means having to separate yourself from doubt and unbelief UNTO thoughts and words of faith in what you read, watch and hear… including the people you associate with.  Be yoked with people of like faith and you’ll witness the manifestation of your desires.  Be yoked with unbelief and you risk the frustration of the postponement, or even unfulfilled desire.  Your faith is precious.  Don’t allow little foxes to steal it.  Everything was made by the God-kind of faith, and it’s a gift from your Father.  It’s a mystery to the world and a treasure for the believer.  Pray for all close-knit relationships and associations to be of faith and agreement, especially where your desires and needs are concerned.  Because “if any two (agree)…it shall be done.” 

Lord, thank You for this Word.  Unbelief is contagious.  I want to protect my faith.

Matthew 18:19: “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.”

John 11:40:  Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe, you would see the glory of God?”

Mark 10:52:  “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Mark 5:34:  And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

January 23, 2020  (Post #25)

(From Journal #2:   May 3, 2005)

Yesterday I had a follow-up CT scan and the report was great!  Thank You, Lord Jesus!  The lymph nodes are shrinking and there are no other suspicious areas; no more treatment ordered!  My next scan will be the first part of July.

Thank You, Lord, for Your Word and its healing power which is alive, active, and working in me.  I will continue my study of healing.  I feel great and know I am healed!

Hebrews 4:12:  For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 

Matthew 24:35:  Heaven and earth will pass away, but My Words will never pass away.

Isaiah 32:17:  The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.

Jeremiah 17:7:  But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.

January 17, 2020  (Post #24)

(From Journal #2:  April 3, 2005)

The time changed tonight, so I’m technically up at 4:30 rather than 3:30. I’ll continue my scripture study on healing.  Give me discernment and revelation, Lord.

As I read about all the times Jesus healed, faith always played a part.  There are only two instances in the Bible where Jesus “marveled” and they both involved faith: great faith and no faith (unbelief).  Unbelief prevented healing. 

Lord, I don’t believe You “give” sickness to anyone.  I don’t think this is Your will for me at all.  We live in a fallen world.  You are the all-powerful Creator, the first-in-command of everything!  In Your complete sovereignty, You gave us free will.  Man blew it, bringing sin and sickness into this world and into all of our lives.  This is why You came, to redeem us from our own mess!  You don’t force us to do the right thing, and You certainly don’t tempt us to do the wrong thing.  If I believed that You wanted me sick, then why would I even go to the doctor?  Wouldn’t I be fighting Your will?  

When I reflect on Peter walking on the water, he said, “Lord, IF it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” What was Jesus supposed to say, “No, it’s NOT Me?”  Jesus said, “Come.”  When Peter began to focus on the storm and not Jesus, he began to sink.  But he didn’t sink like a rock; he kept sinking as the fear and unbelief grew stronger.  He had enough faith to ask, but not enough to receive. Jesus NEVER changed!  Peter is the one who caused the sinking, just like we can sabotage our healing by doubting God and His Word.  We will always have a tug-of-war between faith and fear and unbelief.  Jesus doesn’t move; we waver!  This is why we must know we have victory before the battle! 

When Peter cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out His hand.  Jesus’ will was for Peter to come to Him right through the storm!  But Jesus didn’t force Peter to walk on the water because it was His will. In His sovereignty, Jesus allowed Peter free will to look at and respond to the storm.  What would’ve happened if when he began to sink, rather than cry out to Jesus to save him, he thought, “Well, it must be God’s will for me to sink or I wouldn’t be sinking…” No! No! No!  The wind did not die down until they climbed into the boat.  The battle still had to be fought.  Jesus saved him in the midst of his circumstance. 

Dear Jesus, this was one of the most powerful revelations I’ve ever received!  Thank You so much.  May it flow from You through me to others as You please and direct.  I know that people of great faith don’t always survive.  But I stand on Your Word and fight this battle in faith, trusting You have my hand no matter what.  Let my outcome not be determined by a lack of faith!

Mark 6:5-6:  Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them.  And He marveled because of their unbelief.

Matthew 8:10:  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!

December 24, 2019 (Post #21)

(From Journal #1:  March 17, 2005)

I had my 2nd infusion a couple of days ago and it went well.  Thank You, Lord.  The biggest issue is lack of sleep.  It seems 3:00 a.m. is the “waking hour.”  As tired as I am, there’s something about the silence in the house in these early hours that helps me “hear” revelations from the Bible.  Matthew 11:12 is really speaking to me:

“From the days of John the Baptist until now:”  This time is Jesus’ life.  John (Elijah to pave the way for the Messiah) was 6 months older than Jesus.  Prophecy had stopped until John the Baptist and Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy!

“The Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing:”  Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven and He was “forcefully advancing” and fulfilling the Father’s will.  He suffered much violence and persecution, but His unwavering commitment to His mission forcefully advanced the Kingdom of Heaven through every obstacle.

“And forceful men lay hold of it:”  I believe the Word is saying “forceful” men will go after and pursue the Kingdom of Heaven, regardless of any persecution or opposition.  We should not be passive in our position or desire to be a part of the advancement of the Kingdom.  Go after the Kingdom.  Pursue the Kingdom.  Stand against the opposition and keep advancing.  I think of the woman with the issue of blood who pushed through the crowd just to touch the hem of His garment.  She did not let anything keep her from Jesus!

I relate this to my healing and fight against cancer.  Jesus paid the price for it. I will fight and stand firm in faith.  My study of Matthew shows action is required on my part:  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”  (Matthew 7:7-8)

Faith is not just something we have, but something we do.  It’s both a noun and a verb!

Mark 5:25-28:  Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.” Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?” But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

December 15, 2019  (Post #20)

(From Journal #1:  March 8, 2005)

I had my first treatment today.  I had a scary allergic reaction early on but they got it under control and the rest of the infusion went well but slowly; it took about 6 hours!  I was so blessed to discover the treatments are once per week for 4 weeks, and not for months!  I’ll be done by the end of March.  

I am trusting and believing You that I will not need further treatments.  I am standing on Mark 16:18….and if they drink deadly poison, it will not harm them at all….  I am trusting this drug will only kill bad cells and leave the good cells alone!

I want to go back and continue to meditate on Matthew 11:12 and my study of Elijah and also Elisha.  I feel there is so much for me to learn.  Give me “ears to hear.”  I love You, Lord.  Thank you for being with me today and always.  Protect me from the evil one as Your Word promises.  I stand in faith that I am healed and no side effects of the treatment will come nigh me or harm me!

Psalm 91:9-11:  If you make the Most High your dwelling, even the LORD, who is my refuge, then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Hebrews 13:5-6  …because God has said,“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?”

Hebrews 4:14-16:  I hold firmly to the faith I profess and boldly approach the throne of grace with confidence so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.

Psalm 27:13-14:  I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

November 24, 2019  (Post #18)

(From Journal #1:  February 26, 2005)

I saw the doctor yesterday and my bone marrow is clear!  Praise You, Lord!  We went over treatment options.  We’re going to do an immunotherapy treatment called Rituxan.  I am so grateful not to do hard chemo and radiation!  I prayed for the doctor to have Solomon-like wisdom and I trust You are working through him.  I will take this treatment in faith.  There isn’t much data since it’s a new concept to take this drug alone, without chemo.  God’s data is perfect and I trust You, Lord.

The most amazing thing happened!  As I’ve been reading Your Word, Matthew 10:27 really spoke to me about the voice I heard whisper in my ear after surgery:  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”  And then, I started thinking about how Jacob wrestled with the angel of God and the angel touched his hip and wrenched it, leaving him with a limp.  As I meditated on Matthew 10:27 and this story of Jacob, I asked You if this pain in my shoulder was a confirmation for me to KNOW that what I heard whispered in my ear was in fact an angel, in spite of the diagnosis I had received?  I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit in my body and then the pain was gone!  Lord, thank You!

I’ve been condemning myself for even telling anyone about what I heard since the diagnosis came back as lymphoma, and that I am a “bad witness” for You.  But You have given this amazing confirmation as to what I heard.  I may not understand, but I still believe the lymph nodes are benign regardless of the diagnosis.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  I believe You and only want Your Name to be glorified as healer.

Hebrews 10:23:  “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 11:1:  “Now faith is the substance of what we hope for, the evidence of what we do not see.”

Isaiah 7:9:  “…If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”

Psalm 119:116:  “Uphold me according to Your Word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope.”

November 18, 2019  (Post #17)

(From Journal #1:  February 22, 2005)

I didn’t hear from the doctor until yesterday, Monday.  The diagnosis is low-grade lymphoma.  I went to see him at 3:00 and had a bone marrow biopsy done.  It was awful!  But, You saw me through.  I go back Friday.  I stand on the promises of God that my bone marrow is normal!

I confess and repent some discouragement because I know I heard a voice tell me that day in recovery that it was benign?  I hold on to that even though I have been given a diagnosis of lymphoma.  I just read Romans 1-5.  Romans 4:19-22 really spoke to me:  “And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb.  Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.  And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness.”

What does this tell me?  Even though I have had to face the fact of a diagnosis of lymphoma, I must not waver in unbelief.  I must still give glory to God and know that God has the power to do what He promised in His Word.  The diagnosis doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is God’s promise and His faithfulness and His power to heal.  Thank You, Jesus, for getting my eyes back on You alone.  I give you glory, Lord!  God has not left me nor forsaken me and He never will.  That is His promise.  

The moon was full again tonight.  It was one month ago today when we were in Arizona and the moon was so beautiful and comforting.  How appropriate that I saw it again tonight after such a bad day yesterday.

Hebrews 13:5:  ….For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Peter 2:24:  …Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)….

October 30, 2019  (Post #15)

(From Journal #1:  February 15, 2005)

It’s 10:30 p.m., and I’m finally in my hospital room.  Surgery was late and then the hospital was full so I waited for hours in recovery.  The blessing in that is the only room that became vacant was a suite on the top floor.  Thank You, Lord! 

The strangest thing happened and I wanted to journal about it before I go to sleep.  As I was coming out of anesthesia, someone leaned over my right shoulder and whispered to me, “The biopsy is benign.”  I just assumed it was the nice anesthesiologist who was positioned behind me during surgery.  I was so grateful to get a quick word and was just lying there and praising you in my mind.  

When John finally was able to come back and see me, he said the surgeon told him it would take a couple of days before they had the biopsy results?  I was confused and told him that couldn’t be right because someone had already told me the biopsy was benign?  Lord, I know someone told me it’s benign.  If not the anesthesiologist, perhaps an angel???  I am certain of it!  Thank You, Jesus!

I’m so tired and sleepy but I had to get all this written down.  I was up at 5:00 a.m. to spend time with You, Lord.  I read so many comforting scriptures on healing and  prayed them over my body.  And then to hear the whisper in my ear…praise!

Psalm 119:49-50:  Remember Your Word to Your servant, for you have given me hope.  My comfort in my suffering is this:  Your promise preserves my life.”

Psalm 119:116-117:  Sustain me according to Your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.  Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for Your decrees.

Psalm 119:175:  Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written,“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree…)

Isaiah 53:5:  But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.

October 17, 2019 (Post #14)

(Journal #1:  February 12, 2005)

So much has happened in a week!  I’ve seen an oncologist, surgeon and cardiologist.  My heart is fine, thank You, Lord!  The cardiologist said the enlarged lymph nodes around the kidney most likely caused my adrenal gland to make my heart race.  He actually said it’s a blessing or otherwise the lymphoma would’ve gone undetected.  I’m so grateful to You for exposing this.  On the 10th I went for pre-op tests because surgery is scheduled for the 15th.  Things are happening fast.

I received a call from a prayer-warrior friend who’s been praying for me.  She said as she was praying, she felt You telling her that I know and hear Your voice.  Lord, how that blessed me!  Thank you for those words of comfort and confirmation.  She also felt led to give me this scripture, Ezekiel 12:28:  “Therefore say to them, “This is what the Sovereign Lords says:  None of My words will be delayed any longer; whatsoever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord.”

Lord, how I thank You for Your faithfulness and I will continue to confess Your Word, which is truth.  There aren’t enough words to express the gratitude in my heart that You are with me through all this and have revealed the hidden things.

John 10:3-5:   …”He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out.When He has brought out all His own, He goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice.But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” 

John 10:14:  “I am the Good Shepherd; I know My sheep and My sheep know me.”

2 Thessalonians 3:3:  But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.

Psalm 145:17-19:   The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.