Rebuke the Fear!
(Journal #1: November 22, 2004) Post #2
The enemy has been trying to put sickness and fear on my body. I will not fear but trust God! Fear is not from God. But what is going on with me, Lord? My heart races for no reason, I’m fatigued all the time, and I’m having night sweats? The doctors haven’t given me any answers, just prescriptions. They are just treating symptoms without finding the cause. When all else fails, the diagnosis is stress, but I don’t receive that. Show me what’s going on and what to do?
In Matthew 8:24-27 Jesus and the disciples were in the boat crossing the lake. WITHOUT WARNING a furious storm came while Jesus was sleeping. The disciples were afraid and woke Jesus, but He said to them, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then He rebuked the winds and the waves and it was completely calm. I believe Jesus is telling me that Satan strikes without warning, while we’re “asleep.” But rather than fear, rebuke! Calm will result.
Jesus, as I’ve studied Your Word, I have never seen you refuse to heal any one. You were pleased at the faith of those who would not let anything keep them from getting to You. You marveled at the centurion who had enough faith to ask You to just say the Word and he knew his servant would be healed. Lord, strengthen my faith.
2 Timothy 1:7
God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.
The Peter Principle
(Journal #1: January 6, 2005) Post #3
My health is still under attack. The cardiologist’s office just called with some test results that don’t make sense. I’ve never even met the doctor, only seen the P.A. What’s going on, Lord? I will not give in to fear! I trust You, Lord, and I know that I am healed by Your stripes. I seek Your wisdom. James 1:5 says that You give wisdom to ALL who ask, but I must believe and not doubt. Sometimes that is hard. But Lord, I have literally gone into my closet, gotten on my knees and asked you to show me what to do. I have done everything in the natural that I know to do that makes sense. But I have no peace about any of it. No doctor can give me answers, just prescriptions. The more I take the worse I feel. I just know Lord that this isn’t right. Show me what to do!
When Peter got out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus, he began to sink when he noticed the wind. The other disciples saw Jesus walking on the water and it frightened them. Jesus told them not to fear. As humans, we are afraid to trust in a miracle because we can’t comprehend it. Peter was in the midst of his miracle when he began to lose it… fear cost him his miracle and he began to sink! Fear took his eyes off Jesus. But when he cried out, “Lord, save me,” Jesus immediately reached out His hand and caught him. And He said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” I cannot and will not be in fear about my heart and health. I want to be wise and follow God’s natural laws concerning my health, but I know Jesus loves me, died for me, saved and healed me. I have to keep my eyes on you Lord, and off the wind and the waves.
Psalm 118:17 “ I will not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”
Psalm 34:7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.
Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God whose Word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Ask and Ye Shall Receive
(Journal #1: January 8, 2005) Post #4
Praise God! What a difference a day makes! So much You have done in 48 hours! Two days ago, I got on my knees in my closet and cried out to You to show me what to do, and did You ever! On Thursday after I prayed, I was just doing some work around the house. You brought to my remembrance a doctor I’d seen once on Life Today with James Robison. He did body scans at a price to make it affordable for people if insurance didn’t cover. I remembered how impressed I was with him and I had written down his name on a sticky note and put it inside my Daytimer. Well, that note was still there. I did a little research and found that Dr. Duncan had been on Life Today almost two years to the day. I called the office just to get some information. A man answered the phone and I explained that I had seen Dr. Duncan on TV and wanted to get information. He identified himself as Dr. Duncan! His assistant had stepped away from her desk and he was walking by when the phone rang and he “just happened to answer.” I described what had been going on and he got me right in to his office yesterday! I had a body scan done. There is no calcium in my arteries at all, but he is recommending me to a cardiologist just to be wise. He did say they always have a radiologist read the scan results to make sure nothing was missed on the initial review.
When I opened my bible this morning my eyes first fell on Daniel 10:12-14: “…Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days…” This shows me how important it is to believe you receive when you pray. But we also have to first set our minds to gain understanding and to humble ourselves. Satan fought for twenty-one days to prevent the angel from appearing. We may not see immediate results, but that doesn’t mean You did not answer our prayers. It’s during this “delay” where so many of us give in to doubt, fear, and unbelief.
Mark 9:24 …”I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
What is Faith?
(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #5
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
It’s easy to talk about faith and believe you have it when things are going great. But what is it really?
Substance: ultimate reality that underlies all outward manifestations and change; the real physical matter of what a person or thing exists; the choicest or most essential or most vital part of some idea or experience.
Hoped for: anticipated; awaited, expected; desired; the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
Evidence: your basis for belief or disbelief; knowledge on which to base belief; an indication that makes something evident; grounds, proof, obviousness; the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.
So, Lord, Your Word and Your faithfulness are the substance (the vital part) of what I hope for (await), the evidence (proof, grounds) of what I do not see.
Faith requires waiting, doesn’t it, Lord? You just showed me that in the example of Daniel.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews: 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
The Gut Punch!
(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #6
It’s now 11:15 p.m. on January 10th. Good thing we had this lesson on faith early this morning. You opened a quick door for me today to get in to see the cardiologist so he can check things out and run some tests. Shortly after, Dr. Duncan called to tell me the radiologist found a 3.5 cm mass close to my left kidney and I need to come back for another scan with contrast to rule out lymphoma! My sister calls these kinds of experiences “gut punches.” You are believing for things to turn out one way and then you get a hard punch in the gut.
Oh, God, Your faithfulness overwhelms me! You shine Your light on the darkness. Dr. Duncan got me back in this afternoon for the second scan. He’ll call me tomorrow once the radiologist sees it. I know You are with me. I believe Your Word that tells us that by the stripes of Jesus we are healed!
But, Lord, I confess that fear wants to go to battle with my faith! I must cling to Your Word and pray for peace that transcends all understanding. I need to try and sleep. Help my mind to focus on You and not fearful thoughts.
Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Now What?
(Journal #1: January 12, 2005) Post #7
Dr. Duncan called yesterday to tell me the radiologist believes the mass did absorb the contrast and suspects lymphoma. The good news is he did not see any other suspicious areas. Now what?
Dr. Duncan suggests a PET scan which can confirm/dismiss cancer, expose any other suspicious places, and eliminate unnecessary surgery. So, I’ll get to work with my general physician to get this done.
I feel so strongly now why You gave me the revelation about Peter walking on water. Without warning this mass is here, but Jesus you are still the answer! I feel like I’m in the process of my healing miracle (walking on water) and if I don’t look at the storm (bad reports, fear, doubt, unbelief) and keep my eyes on You and trust You, I will walk right through this storm with You holding out Your hand to me. Thank you, Lord.
In 2 Kings 6, Elisha was surrounded by the enemy. His servant was afraid and Elisha told him not to fear because “those that be with us are more than those against us.” He prayed for God to open the servant’s spiritual eyes and he saw thousands of fiery chariots! But, just because the servant could see the angels in the spiritual realm didn’t make the enemy disappear in the natural realm! I feel like you’re telling me that two truths can co-exist. I have healing in the spiritual realm, but still see sickness in the natural. The power of faith brings the truth of the spirit to the natural. Healing comes from inside out. I must see myself whole before I actually experience it naturally. Wow!
When David fought Goliath, he remembered the victories You had already given him. He didn’t let the size of his enemy scare him into thinking You would not come through for him. Saul and others tried to talk David out of battling Goliath by pointing out his small stature and trying to put fear and doubt into his mind. But David ran toward Goliath and told him that his God would defeat him. He didn’t sit back and wait to be attacked.
Lymphoma is Goliath to me! So hear this, lymphoma… you are defeated!
Hebrews 4:14 …let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.
Hebrews: 4:16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
The Gift of Red Birds
(Journal #1: January 17, 2005) Post #8
Today I go for the PET scan. I fasted yesterday and have been taking communion daily. I am really understanding how powerful and reverent communion is and what it means to discern and recognize Christ’s body and shed blood.
Fear hit me some yesterday. But Jesus, when I cried out, You reached out Your hand to keep me from sinking into a pit of fear. You sent me three redbirds yesterday and I saw another one this morning! You know how much I love them. Their beautiful red color stands out among all the other birds. It reminds me of Your blood, shed for my sins. Every time I see one it makes me smile. I feel as though You’re letting me know You are with me.
1 Cor 11:23-31 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night He was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes. Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment.
The Spa Revelation
(Journal #1: January 23, 2005) Post #9
Waited all day Wednesday to hear the results of the PET scan. There was a 2nd mass found behind my left kidney. Praise you Lord for revealing another “sneak attack” of the enemy. No other suspicious places were found! Praise! I am so grateful for Dr. Duncan’s wise counsel.
Thursday, January 20th was my 49th birthday. I spent the whole day waiting by the phone for Dr. Duncan to call me with a recommendation for an oncologist. He’d been in meetings but called as promised and gave me the name of a great doctor at Baylor. He’s going to call him on my behalf. Thank You for sending this precious man into my life to help me.
My Christmas present from John was a gift certificate to a local spa….the works. I had put the certificate in the drawer of a kitchen desk. Forgot about it actually with all that’s been going on. So, the day after my birthday I decided to use it; I certainly needed the relaxation. As I was lying on the massage table, I was silently praying to You and thanking You for this opportunity to be pampered and to help ease the tension. And I heard in my spirit, “Your husband bought this gift certificate and paid for it in full. All you had to do was take it and receive it. But you put it in a drawer. This is just like with the Cross. I bore your sin and your sickness so you don’t have to. But so many of you don’t take it and receive it. It’s there waiting for you, bought and paid for. But you have to receive it.”
Isn’t that the truth? Jesus, You did ALL on the Cross and yet we hold back and refuse to receive. We blame You for what is missing in our lives and yet You have already done it. We just haven’t done our part. We have to take the “Cross Gift Certificate” out of the drawer and receive what You have already paid for!
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
The Wisdom of the Wine Fast
(Journal #1: January 23, 2005 Cont’d) Post #10
Still so much to journal after not being on the page for four days. We’re actually in Scottsdale, Arizona right now at a business conference. I was in the Word and prayer all that time and now have so much to record that you’ve shown me, Lord.
The day after my birthday I felt led by the Holy Spirit to start a 40-day fast from wine or any type of alcoholic beverage. I knew I had not abused this at all but I felt like You were showing me how to get ahead of the enemy’s schemes and be ready. I know the enemy attacks me with fear, and there is so much unknown to me right now. I will not even allow an opportunity for anything to become a “crutch” for fear. I will not allow anything to dull my spiritual senses and leave me open to the enemy’s lies that can cause depression or cause me to make negative confessions. YOU are my source of joy and comfort.
This is what I heard in my spirit: “For 40 days and 40 nights, do not drink wine; you lean on Me!” So that’s what I’m doing, Lord, here at this conference where food and wine abound!
Joel 2:12: “Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
Matthew 6:16-18: “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Daniel 10:3: I ate no delicacies, no meat, or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks.
1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Isaiah 26:4: Trust in the Lord forever; the Lord God is an everlasting rock.
Laugh at the Attack!
October 1, 2019 (Post #12)
(Journal #1: January 24, 2005)
The enemy is so predictable. Yesterday after that great morning of journaling and catching up, here he comes again. We had a conference dinner to attend. It was almost time for me to start getting ready when the crown on one of the teeth in the front of my mouth came off! I was mortified! Here I am in Scottsdale, getting late in the afternoon, we have this big dinner, and I’m missing a tooth in the front! In the midst of my drama, my husband smiled and said, “Well dear, you are from Alabama, so no one will think it’s that odd…” I cracked up laughing, which immediately changed the atmosphere, and the enemy could not steal my joy!
You gave me the wisdom to contact the hotel to see if they have dentists on call as well as doctors. They didn’t have one on call, but did give me the name of a good dentist only 1/2 mile away. They graciously took me in immediately and cemented the crown back into place. I took extra time to make sure I looked nice for that dinner and smiled big all night. Take that devil!
Psalm 17:22: A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Psalm 37:13: …but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming.
Psalm 126:2: Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
Job 8:21 He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.
By the Light of the Moon
September 27, 2019 (Post #11)
(Journal #1: January 23, 2005 Cont’d)
Last night when we went to get dinner, every restaurant in Scottsdale was full and had at least an hour’s wait. Finally we tried a little French restaurant which also was full. But You blessed us and they provided us a table outside, underneath the most incredibly bright moon!
For the past several nights I have wakened in the early hours of the morning and prayed while looking at the moon. I felt God’s Light shining on me every time. So last night at dinner, I felt You looking down on us and it blessed and comforted me. Thank You, Lord.
No matter what is coming against me, I know that I am healed and You will use this experience to have me help and encourage others and keep the enemy from stealing, killing and destroying others! I could sit here and journal all day about Your faithfulness in my life. I’m going to pray and then go out into this beautiful day and enjoy the works of Your hands. Then I’m coming back to continue reading and meditating Your Word.
It’s now night and the full moon is right outside our window. Your light is shining on me. I will never see the moon the same, Lord. I will forever see it as the Light of Jesus! Lord, You always provide light: the sun, the moon, and the stars. As bright and as beautiful as this moon is, it’s just a speck of Your Glory!
Psalm 8:3-5: When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that You care for them?
Psalm 136:7-9: …Who made the great lights, His love endures forever. The sun to govern the day, His love endures forever. The moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.
John 1:5: The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
What’s in a Name?
October 10, 2019 (Post #13)
(Journal #1: February 5, 2005)
Last night I woke at 4:00 a.m. and God gave me a revelation about myself, but it applies to all. The Holy Spirit asked me what my name meant and I said pearl.
Then He asked, “How are pearls made?” As I thought about how the ugly oyster shell gets a piece of sand inside, I thought about how God is inside us through the Holy Spirit. The sand is constantly irritating the oyster – sin is always irritating and causing us grief. But just as the oyster “quarantines” the invader and begins to cover it with layer after layer of nacre, the Holy Spirit quarantines our old self and begins layering us with Himself. Over time, the nacre produces a beautiful luminous, iridescent pearl. Long known as the “Queen of Gems” a natural pearl necklace has been considered a treasure beyond compare.
I felt like God was telling me that all the trials of the past and walking through this health situation are just grains of sand from the enemy to irritate me and even kill me – to make me fall away. But Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, keeps putting more and more layers of Himself over it all and making a pearl out of me. And I’m valuable and precious to Him, an original, a one-of-a-kind. Each of us is a pearl to God!
Jesus, thank You so much for your precious gift to me in revealing this. Everything I’ve gone through with You by my side is making me stronger and hopefully Your light will radiate through me as a witness to Your grace, mercy and love. The outer shell of the oyster is not pretty. But the inside over time becomes lined with mother-of-pearl and is beautiful. That’s what Jesus does to our hearts.
Ezekiel 36:26: I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Psalm 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Matthew 5:8: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
Matthew 6:21: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Knowing Your Voice
October 17, 2019 (Post #14)
(Journal #1: February 12, 2005)
So much has happened in a week! I’ve seen an oncologist, surgeon and cardiologist. My heart is fine, thank You, Lord! The cardiologist said the enlarged lymph nodes around the kidney most likely caused my adrenal gland to make my heart race. He actually said it’s a blessing or otherwise the lymphoma would’ve gone undetected. I’m so grateful to You for exposing this. On the 10th I went for pre-op tests because surgery is scheduled for the 15th. Things are happening fast.
I received a call from a prayer-warrior friend who’s been praying for me. She said as she was praying, she felt You telling her that I know and hear Your voice. Lord, how that blessed me! Thank you for those words of comfort and confirmation. She also felt led to give me this scripture, Ezekiel 12:28: “Therefore say to them, “This is what the Sovereign Lords says: None of My words will be delayed any longer; whatsoever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord.”
Lord, how I thank You for Your faithfulness and I will continue to confess Your Word, which is truth. There aren’t enough words to express the gratitude in my heart that You are with me through all this and have revealed the hidden things.
John 10:3-5: …”He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out.When He has brought out all His own, He goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice.But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”
John 10:14: “I am the Good Shepherd; I know My sheep and My sheep know me.”
2 Thessalonians 3:3: But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.
Psalm 145:17-19: The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.
The Whisper in My Ear
October 30, 2019 (Post #15)
(From Journal #1: February 15, 2005)
It’s 10:30 p.m., and I’m finally in my hospital room. Surgery was late and then the hospital was full so I waited for hours in recovery. The blessing in that is the only room that became vacant was a suite on the top floor. Thank You, Lord!
The strangest thing happened and I wanted to journal about it before I go to sleep. As I was coming out of anesthesia, someone leaned over my right shoulder and whispered to me, “The biopsy is benign.” I just assumed it was the nice anesthesiologist who was positioned behind me during surgery. I was so grateful to get a quick word and was just lying there and praising you in my mind.
When John finally was able to come back and see me, he said the surgeon told him it would take a couple of days before they had the biopsy results? I was confused and told him that couldn’t be right because someone had already told me the biopsy was benign? Lord, I know someone told me it’s benign. If not the anesthesiologist, perhaps an angel??? I am certain of it! Thank You, Jesus!
I’m so tired and sleepy but I had to get all this written down. I was up at 5:00 a.m. to spend time with You, Lord. I read so many comforting scriptures on healing and prayed them over my body. And then to hear the whisper in my ear…praise!
Psalm 119:49-50: Remember Your Word to Your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”
Psalm 119:116-117: Sustain me according to Your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for Your decrees.
Psalm 119:175: Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me.
Galatians 3:13: Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written,“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree…)
Isaiah 53:5: But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.
The Angel’s Touch
November 12, 2019 (Post #16)
(From Journal #1: February 18, 2005)
I got home from the hospital yesterday. The doctor came by before I left and said he hoped to have the biopsy results by Friday (today) and he’ll call me when he does.
Thursday I woke at 12:30 a.m., and had such an awesome time with You, Lord. I felt such peace. I know in my heart I am healed. My right shoulder has been hurting and I didn’t know if it is because of how they positioned me in surgery? But as I write this, I sense this pain in my shoulder is where the angel touched me after surgery, to remind me that I did feel and hear him tell me the lymph node is benign. I believe the shoulder pain will be gone when I hear the next report of the Lord.
I love you Jesus and Father God so much! Your faithfulness never fails. As I read Your Word, let fresh revelation sink into my spirit.
Daniel 10:18-19: Then the one who looked like a man touched me again, and I felt my strength returning. “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
Psalm 91:11 : For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
Psalm 34:7: The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,And He delivers them.
Conflicting Reports?
November 18, 2019 (Post #17)
(From Journal #1: February 22, 2005)
I didn’t hear from the doctor until yesterday, Monday. The diagnosis is low-grade lymphoma. I went to see him at 3:00 and had a bone marrow biopsy done. It was awful! But, You saw me through. I go back Friday. I stand on the promises of God that my bone marrow is normal!
I confess and repent some discouragement because I know I heard a voice tell me that day in recovery that it was benign? I hold on to that even though I have been given a diagnosis of lymphoma. I just read Romans 1-5. Romans 4:19-22 really spoke to me: “And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised. And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness.”
What does this tell me? Even though I have had to face the fact of a diagnosis of lymphoma, I must not waver in unbelief. I must still give glory to God and know that God has the power to do what He promised in His Word. The diagnosis doesn’t really matter. All that matters is God’s promise and His faithfulness and His power to heal. Thank You, Jesus, for getting my eyes back on You alone. I give you glory, Lord! God has not left me nor forsaken me and He never will. That is His promise.
The moon was full again tonight. It was one month ago today when we were in Arizona and the moon was so beautiful and comforting. How appropriate that I saw it again tonight after such a bad day yesterday.
Hebrews 13:5: ….For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
1 Peter 2:24: …Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.
Galatians 3:13: Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)….
I Know What I Heard!
November 24, 2019 (Post #18)
(From Journal #1: February 26, 2005)
I saw the doctor yesterday and my bone marrow is clear! Praise You, Lord! We went over treatment options. We’re going to do an immunotherapy treatment called Rituxan. I am so grateful not to do hard chemo and radiation! I prayed for the doctor to have Solomon-like wisdom and I trust You are working through him. I will take this treatment in faith. There isn’t much data since it’s a new concept to take this drug alone, without chemo. God’s data is perfect and I trust You, Lord.
The most amazing thing happened! As I’ve been reading Your Word, Matthew 10:27 really spoke to me about the voice I heard whisper in my ear after surgery: “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.” And then, I started thinking about how Jacob wrestled with the angel of God and the angel touched his hip and wrenched it, leaving him with a limp. As I meditated on Matthew 10:27 and this story of Jacob, I asked You if this pain in my shoulder was a confirmation for me to KNOW that what I heard whispered in my ear was in fact an angel, in spite of the diagnosis I had received? I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit in my body and then the pain was gone! Lord, thank You!
I’ve been condemning myself for even telling anyone about what I heard since the diagnosis came back as lymphoma, and that I am a “bad witness” for You. But You have given this amazing confirmation as to what I heard. I may not understand, but I still believe the lymph nodes are benign regardless of the diagnosis. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I believe You and only want Your Name to be glorified as healer.
Hebrews 10:23: “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”
Hebrews 11:1: “Now faith is the substance of what we hope for, the evidence of what we do not see.”
Isaiah 7:9: “…If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”
Psalm 119:116: “Uphold me according to Your Word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope.”
Don’t Forget to Remember
December 6, 2019 (Post #19)
(From Journal #1: March 6, 2005)
I’ve been reading Matthew, and Matthew 11:12 jumped out at me: “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.” I am struck by the phrase “forceful men lay hold of it.” I want to meditate and study this, and pray for revelation about what You want to show me, Lord.
John the Baptist was referred to as Elijah in Matthew 17:11-13. Malachi 4:5 prophesies “Elijah” will come before the day of the Lord. This is John the Baptist. After Malachi, there were no prophets for 400 years. In order to understand Matthew 11:12, I felt moved to study Elijah in 1 Kings 17.
Elijah meets a widow who thought she was totally defeated. She was gathering sticks to make a fire in order to prepare a tiny “last meal” for her son and her, and then to “die.” He told her not to be afraid, to go home and do as she said, but first make a small cake for him, and then make food for herself and her son. Elijah told her she would not run out of flour or oil until the Lord sends rain. She did what Elijah told her and her supplies did not run out for many days. This is in essence an example of tithing. If we obey the Lord and put Him first, He will use whatever resources we have, no matter how small it seems to us. He will magnify and multiply for as long as is needed.
Later the woman’s son became sick and he died, and she blamed Elijah! But she is the one who had spoken death into their lives. Elijah took the boy and cried to the Lord three times and the Lord brought him back to life! Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now by this I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.”
Even though she had already seen and experienced a miracle from God, she did not really trust and believe. When her son got sick, she did not remember His faithfulness in the past. Trials come in our lives. We have to remember what the Lord has already done and have faith in Him to do it again.
3 Kinds of Suffering
August 25, 2021 (Post #62)
(From Journal #9: April 2, 2007)
I listened to a sermon today that, quite frankly, didn’t fully align with my spirit. It was about suffering. Lord, none of us will ever truly understand how much You suffered for our sins, and I cannot begin to express my gratefulness for what You did on the Cross. Any suffering we experience in this world is not worthy to be measured.
Yet, I’m conflicted about some parts of the message. I think there’s a difference between suffering for the glory and purposes of the Kingdom vs. suffering at the hands of the enemy or from our own bad choices. Some people assume everything that happens to us must be Your will. You are sovereign and in Your sovereignty, You gave us free will. Honestly, Lord, this seems like a “cop-out” for not accepting responsibility for the consequences of our sin and bad decisions, or for not using the authority Jesus has given to His children to stand against the enemy. This seems to make it easy to just blame You for everything, which doesn’t require much faith, fight or personal accountability. This is how I see the “categories” of suffering and if I’m wrong, please help me to discern the error of my thinking.
Kingdom Suffering: You told us that in this world we will have trials, tribulation and persecution. We live in a fallen world full of evil and the people of God are a target. Christians all over the world are persecuted, even to death. Just by living out our faith and standing for Jesus, suffering does happen. It doesn’t mean we did anything wrong. We glorify You by how we walk through adversity standing on Your Word.
Matthew 5:10-11: “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.
John 15:20 “…..If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you…”
2 Timothy 3:12: Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.
Demonic Suffering: You tell us in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy” the people of God and we can suffer terribly if we are not aware of his attacks and fight against him. He attacks us with fear, sickness, anxiety, deception, and danger. This is why You tell us to put on the Armor of God, be alert, and to stand against this kind of suffering. You are always there to help us, but You told us to resist, stand, and fight. I don’t think You “gave” me cancer. Sickness is part of this fallen world. With every stripe You bore, You healed us. I didn’t knowingly do anything that could cause non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. It’s the enemy whose plan is to kill us. But You take the things the enemy means for harm and use it for good. As I fight this disease, my prayer is that I glorify You in the battle, and that I’m a good witness of Your healing, grace, mercy, and faithfulness.
1 Peter 5:8: Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Ephesians 6::11-12: Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
James 4:7: Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
People-Induced Suffering: So much suffering in this world is a direct consequence of sin and bad choices, either made by ourselves, or from others whose decisions impact our lives in devastating ways. People have addictions and bad habits that cause physical and emotional suffering. People make sinful decisions that not only destroy their lives but cause suffering to their family and loved ones as well. It is never Your will for us to sin and make bad choices! You are merciful and willing to offer forgiveness if we repent, but that doesn’t always mean the consequences go away. But You are there to walk us through if we seek You with all our heart.
Galatians 6:7-8: Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
James 1:5: If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Deuteronomy 30:19: This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live…
1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
