October 1, 2019 (Post #12)

(Journal #1:  January 24, 2005)

The enemy is so predictable.  Yesterday after that great morning of journaling and catching up, here he comes again.  We had a conference dinner to attend.  It was almost time for me to start getting ready when the crown on one of the teeth in the front of my mouth came off!  I was mortified!  Here I am in Scottsdale, getting late in the afternoon, we have this big dinner, and I’m missing a tooth in the front!  In the midst of my drama, my husband smiled and said, “Well dear, you are from Alabama, so no one will think it’s that odd…”  I cracked up laughing, which immediately changed the atmosphere, and the enemy could not steal my joy!

You gave me the wisdom to contact the hotel to see if they have dentists on call as well as doctors.  They didn’t have one on call, but did give me the name of a good dentist only 1/2 mile away.  They graciously took me in immediately and cemented the crown back into place.  I took extra time to make sure I looked nice for that dinner and smiled big all night. Take that devil!

Psalm 17:22:  A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Psalm 37:13:  …but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for He knows their day is coming.

Psalm 126:2:  Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

Job 8:21  He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.

September 27, 2019 (Post #11)

(Journal #1: January 23, 2005 Cont’d)

Last night when we went to get dinner, every restaurant in Scottsdale was full and had at least an hour’s wait.  Finally we tried a little French restaurant which also was full.  But You blessed us and they provided us a table outside, underneath the most incredibly bright moon!  

For the past several nights I have wakened in the early hours of the morning and prayed while looking at the moon.  I felt God’s Light shining on me every time.  So last night at dinner, I felt You looking down on us and it blessed and comforted me.  Thank You, Lord.

No matter what is coming against me, I know that I am healed and You will use this experience to have me help and encourage others and keep the enemy from stealing, killing and destroying others!  I could sit here and journal all day about Your faithfulness in my life.  I’m going to pray and then go out into this beautiful day and enjoy the works of Your hands.  Then I’m coming back to continue reading and meditating Your Word.

It’s now night and the full moon is right outside our window.  Your light is shining on me.  I will never see the moon the same, Lord.  I will forever see it as the Light of Jesus!  Lord, You always provide light: the sun, the moon, and the stars.  As bright and as beautiful as this moon is, it’s just a speck of Your Glory!

Psalm 8:3-5:  When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that You care for them?

Psalm 136:7-9:  …Who made the great lights, His love endures forever.  The sun to govern the day, His love endures forever.  The moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.

John 1:5:  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

(Journal #1: January 23, 2005 Cont’d) Post #10

Still so much to journal after not being on the page for four days.  We’re actually in Scottsdale, Arizona right now at a business conference.  I was in the Word and prayer all that time and now have so much to record that you’ve shown me, Lord.

The day after my birthday I felt led by the Holy Spirit to start a 40-day fast from wine or any type of alcoholic beverage.  I knew I had not abused this at all but I felt like You were showing me how to get ahead of the enemy’s schemes and be ready.  I know the enemy attacks me with fear, and there is so much unknown to me right now.  I will not even allow an opportunity for anything to become a “crutch” for fear.  I will not allow anything to dull my spiritual senses and leave me open to the enemy’s lies that can cause depression or cause me to make negative confessions.  YOU are my source of joy and comfort.  

This is what I heard in my spirit:  “For 40 days and 40 nights, do not drink wine; you lean on Me!”  So that’s what I’m doing, Lord, here at this conference where food and wine abound!

Joel 2:12:  “Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;

Matthew 6:16-18:  “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Daniel 10:3:  I ate no delicacies, no meat, or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks.

1 Peter 5:7:  Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Isaiah 26:4:  Trust in the Lord forever; the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

(Journal #1: January 23, 2005) Post #9

Waited all day Wednesday to hear the results of the PET scan.  There was a 2^nd mass found behind my left kidney. Praise you Lord for revealing another “sneak attack” of the enemy.  No other suspicious places were found!  Praise!  I am so grateful for Dr. Duncan’s wise counsel.

Thursday, January 20^th was my 49^th birthday. I spent the whole day waiting by the phone for Dr. Duncan to call me with a recommendation for an oncologist.  He’d been in meetings but called as promised and gave me the name of a great doctor at Baylor.  He’s going to call him on my behalf.  Thank You for sending this precious man into my life to help me.

My Christmas present from John was a gift certificate to a local spa….the works.  I had put the certificate in the drawer of a kitchen desk. Forgot about it actually with all that’s been going on.  So, the day after my birthday I decided to use it; I certainly needed the relaxation.  As I was lying on the massage table, I was silently praying to You and thanking You for this opportunity to be pampered and to help ease the tension.  And I heard in my spirit,  “Your husband bought this gift certificate and paid for it in full.  All you had to do was take it and receive it.  But you put it in a drawer.  This is just like with the Cross.  I bore your sin and your sickness so you don’t have to.  But so many of you don’t take it and receive it.  It’s there waiting for you, bought and paid for.  But you have to receive it.”  

Isn’t that the truth?  Jesus, You did ALL on the Cross and yet we hold back and refuse to receive.  We blame You for what is missing in our lives and yet You have already done it.  We just haven’t done our part.  We have to take the “Cross Gift Certificate” out of the drawer and receive what You have already paid for!

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

(Journal #1: January 17, 2005) Post #8

Today I go for the PET scan.  I fasted yesterday and have been taking communion daily.  I am really understanding how powerful and reverent communion is and what it means to discern and recognize Christ’s body and shed blood.

Fear hit me some yesterday.  But Jesus, when I cried out, You reached out Your hand to keep me from sinking into a pit of fear.  You sent me three redbirds yesterday and I saw another one this morning!  You know how much I love them.  Their beautiful red color stands out among all the other birds.  It reminds me of Your blood, shed for my sins.  Every time I see one it makes me smile.  I feel as though You’re letting me know You are with me.

1 Cor 11:23-31  For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night He was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death  until He comes. Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.  A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.  For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.  That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment.

(Journal #1: January 12, 2005) Post #7

Dr. Duncan called yesterday to tell me the radiologist believes the mass did absorb the contrast and suspects lymphoma.  The good news is he did not see any other suspicious areas.  Now what?  

Dr. Duncan suggests a PET scan which can confirm/dismiss cancer, expose any other suspicious places, and eliminate unnecessary surgery.  So, I’ll get to work with my general physician to get this done.

I feel so strongly now why You gave me the revelation about Peter walking on water.  Without warning this mass is here, but Jesus you are still the answer!  I feel like I’m in the process of my healing miracle (walking on water) and if I don’t look at the storm (bad reports, fear, doubt, unbelief) and keep my eyes on You and trust You, I will walk right through this storm with You holding out Your hand to me.  Thank you, Lord.

In 2 Kings 6, Elisha was surrounded by the enemy.  His servant was afraid and Elisha told him not to fear because “those that be with us are more than those against us.”  He prayed for God to open the servant’s spiritual eyes and he saw thousands of fiery chariots!  But, just because the servant could see the angels in the spiritual realm didn’t make the enemy disappear in the natural realm! I feel like you’re telling me that two truths can co-exist.  I have healing in the spiritual realm, but still see sickness in the natural.  The power of faith brings the truth of the spirit to the natural.  Healing comes from inside out.  I must see myself whole before I actually experience it naturally.  Wow!

When David fought Goliath, he remembered the victories You had already given him. He didn’t let the size of his enemy scare him into thinking You would not come through for him. Saul and others tried to talk David out of battling Goliath by pointing out his small stature and trying to put fear and doubt into his mind.  But David ran toward Goliath and told him that his God would defeat him. He didn’t sit back and wait to be attacked. 

Lymphoma is Goliath to me!  So hear this, lymphoma… you are defeated!

Hebrews 4:14 …let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

Hebrews: 4:16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #6

It’s now 11:15 p.m. on January 10^th.  Good thing we had this lesson on faith early this morning. You opened a quick door for me today to get in to see the cardiologist so he can check things out and run some tests.  Shortly after, Dr. Duncan called to tell me the radiologist found a 3.5 cm mass close to my left kidney and I need to come back for another scan with contrast to rule out lymphoma!  My sister calls these kinds of experiences “gut punches.”  You are believing for things to turn out one way and then you get a hard punch in the gut. 

Oh, God, Your faithfulness overwhelms me! You shine Your light on the darkness. Dr. Duncan got me back in this afternoon for the second scan. He’ll call me tomorrow once the radiologist sees it. I know You are with me. I believe Your Word that tells us that by the stripes of Jesus we are healed!

But, Lord, I confess that fear wants to go to battle with my faith!  I must cling to Your Word and pray for peace that transcends all understanding.  I need to try and sleep.  Help my mind to focus on You and not fearful thoughts.

Psalm 4:8  I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #5

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

It’s easy to talk about faith and believe you have it when things are going great. But what is it really?  

Substance:  ultimate reality that underlies all outward manifestations and change; the real physical matter of what a person or thing exists; the choicest or most essential or most vital part of some idea or experience.

Hoped for:  anticipated; awaited, expected; desired; the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Evidence: your basis for belief or disbelief; knowledge on which to base belief; an indication that makes something evident; grounds, proof, obviousness; the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.

So, Lord, Your Word and Your faithfulness are the substance (the vital part) of what I hope for (await), the evidence (proof, grounds) of what I do not see.

Faith requires waiting, doesn’t it, Lord?  You just showed me that in the example of Daniel.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews: 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

(Journal #1: January 8, 2005) Post #4

Praise God!  What a difference a day makes! So much You have done in 48 hours!  Two days ago, I got on my knees in my closet and cried out to You to show me what to do, and did You ever!  On Thursday after I prayed, I was just doing some work around the house. You brought to my remembrance a doctor I’d seen once on Life Today with James Robison. He did body scans at a price to make it affordable for people if insurance didn’t cover. I remembered how impressed I was with him and I had written down his name on a sticky note and put it inside my Daytimer. Well, that note was still there. I did a little research and found that Dr. Duncan had been on Life Today almost two years to the day. I called the office just to get some information.  A man answered the phone and I explained that I had seen Dr. Duncan on TV and wanted to get information.  He identified himself as Dr. Duncan!  His assistant had stepped away from her desk and he was walking by when the phone rang and he “just happened to answer.”  I described what had been going on and he got me right in to his office yesterday!  I had a body scan done. There is no calcium in my arteries at all, but he is recommending me to a cardiologist just to be wise.  He did say they always have a radiologist read the scan results to make sure nothing was missed on the initial review.

When I opened my bible this morning my eyes first fell on Daniel 10:12-14: “…Do not be afraid, Daniel.  Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.  But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days…” This shows me how important it is to believe you receive when you pray. But we also have to first set our minds to gain understanding and to humble ourselves. Satan fought for twenty-one days to prevent the angel from appearing.  We may not see immediate results, but that doesn’t mean You did not answer our prayers.  It’s during this “delay” where so many of us give in to doubt, fear, and unbelief.  

Mark 9:24  …”I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

(Journal #1:  January 6, 2005) Post #3

My health is still under attack. The cardiologist’s office just called with some test results that don’t make sense. I’ve never even met the doctor, only seen the P.A. What’s going on, Lord?  I will not give in to fear!  I trust You, Lord, and I know that I am healed by Your stripes. I seek Your wisdom. James 1:5 says that You give wisdom to ALL who ask, but I must believe and not doubt. Sometimes that is hard.  But Lord, I have literally gone into my closet, gotten on my knees and asked you to show me what to do. I have done everything in the natural that I know to do that makes sense. But I have no peace about any of it. No doctor can give me answers, just prescriptions. The more I take the worse I feel.  I just know Lord that this isn’t right. Show me what to do!

When Peter got out of the boat to walk on the water to Jesus, he began to sink when he noticed the wind. The other disciples saw Jesus walking on the water and it frightened them. Jesus told them not to fear.  As humans, we are afraid to trust in a miracle because we can’t comprehend it.  Peter was in the midst of his miracle when he began to lose it… fear cost him his miracle and he began to sink!  Fear took his eyes off Jesus.  But when he cried out, “Lord, save me,” Jesus immediately reached out His hand and caught him.  And He said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”  I cannot and will not be in fear about my heart and health. I want to be wise and follow God’s natural laws concerning my health, but I know Jesus loves me, died for me, saved and healed me. I have to keep my eyes on you Lord, and off the wind and the waves.

Psalm 118:17 “ I will not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

Psalm 34:7  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.

Psalm 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God whose Word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.