Category: Uncategorized

December 6, 2023 (Post #70)

Recently at church, I witnessed something so sweet between a little boy and his father during praise and worship.  I couldn’t help but see the spiritual parallel.

As the congregation stood to sing, the little boy tugged at his father’s arm to get his attention.  He then raised his arms in assurance that his father was going to pick him up, and he did.  The way that child rested in his father’s embrace was striking. You could see that he had no fear; he was completely confident in the security and safety of being in his father’s arms.  He laid his head on his father’s shoulder, closed his eyes and knew he was safe. His little body was almost limp in complete surrender and confidence.  I watched the father hug his son and yet still lift his other arm in worship to the Lord.  It was powerful to watch and yet they had no clue anyone was even watching or that their behavior could have such an impact on an observer.

As old as I am, I wanted to be that child. Growing up, I did not have that kind of fatherly relationship and experience.  I was envious not in a jealous way, but in a complimentary way. The past few years have been so hard, I just wanted to be like this little boy and have a father that I trusted in completely, who could hold me and make everything feel safe and okay.  I’ve felt tired and drained from trying to handle so much on my own.

As I watched with tears rolling down my face, I felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit telling me my Heavenly Father is always ready to pick me up, embrace me, and protect me.  And even though I didn’t get a physical hug from the Father, He gave me a big spiritual hug.  For that moment, I was a little girl safe in her Father’s arms and not this aging woman feeling scared and exhausted from handling things alone, uncertain of what’s to come next.  I don’t need to be afraid because my Father’s always there, ready to give me a hug whenever I lift up my arms.

Galatians 3:26  “For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.”

Galatians 4:6-7:  “And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.”

Matthew 23:9-12:  “Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.”

John 1:12:  “But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.”

1 John 3:1:  “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are…”

Isaiah 41:0:  “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

February 18, 2024  (Post #71)

(From Journal #11:  October 26, 2007)

Lord, You gave me another amazing revelation recently as I was “praying” about some lingering issues John and I have been going through.  As I was giving You MY list of changes I wanted to see in him, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to my spirit:  “If you would pray FOR him instead of ABOUT him, I can work with that.  You aren’t praying for changes in him for his sake, but for your sake.”  Ouch!

This truth hit me in the face.  I wasn’t praying for him, but grumbling and complaining about him and arrogantly telling You what should be done.  Selfishness and a controlling spirit were at the root of my so-called prayers.  The changes I wanted to see were really for my benefit and not his.  Lord, forgive me.

As I began to sincerely pray for him, for his walk with You, for the healing of emotional wounds and unforgiveness he carried, for his spiritual and physical healing, for Your grace, mercy and will in his life, my heart began to change.  I let go of some bitterness and unforgiveness of my own. As my prayers changed for him, the things I had wanted to see began to happen, for the right reasons.

This is such a powerful lesson, Lord.  Whether we’re praying for loved ones or even our enemies, the motives behind the prayers must truly be for their benefit and not our selfish desires and needs.  You did everything for…

Philippians 2:3-4   “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

James 4:3  “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.”

Luke 23:24  “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. “

March 3, 2024  (Post #72)

(From Journal #55:  March 5, 2022)

Yesterday and today were very stressful and yet You gave me a profound revelation in the midst of it all…

John was in a difficult mood yesterday. He wanted to go outside, which we did, but he wanted to try and do more than he was physically able. I know he’s mad and frustrated but I couldn’t risk him falling again. Losing his independence is so hard for him.

Then this morning, he wanted to take a shower. I asked if we could just wait until later. I was already dressed and needed to get him settled in his chair so I could run a quick errand. I can only leave him alone for short periods of time. But he insisted and didn’t seem to care how that impacted me. I was annoyed because I literally have to get in the shower with him to keep him from falling, which means I get wet no matter what. I got him showered, dressed, and in his chair. As I got back in the shower and began to squeegee, I thought about how I’ve not left his side in over 3 years. The physical and emotional stress of caretaking was taking its toll on me. I began to pray in tears of frustration and honestly self-pity.

As I was praying, I started to think of all the times the Bible says that You desire “mercy over sacrifice.” It was then that my spirit heard the Holy Spirit speak:

“I see your sacrifices. I know them. But don’t lose your mercy for why he may react the way he does.  If you lose your mercy, then your sacrifices aren’t pleasing to Me.”

That really hit home. Thank You for this correction, Lord. He is suffering and feeling weak. He doesn’t mean to snap at me and feels bad when he does. Any sacrifice I’m making as a caretaker pales in comparison to what he’s enduring. Sacrifice should not include self-pity. I never want to forget this, Lord. Any time I start to feel impatient and unmerciful, let me hear Your still, small voice remind me, “Don’t lose your mercy!”

Matthew 5:7 – Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Matthew 9:13 – “But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

Matthew 12:7 – “But if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.”

Hosea 6:6 – “For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.”